Life Hates Me
by LeFay Strent
Summary: "I'm in Fullmetal Alchemist," she spoke carefully, as if testing the validity of the words. It made the situation that much more real, more intimidating, more hopelessly confusing. "…life hates me."
1. Life Lesson 1

**Life Lesson #1**

**Life Hates Me**

You know that saying that consciousness is that annoying time between naps? In that moment, Ana was a firm believer. Usually, she was an early riser no matter how late she went to bed. Sleep could be a waste of time when she could be doing something more important…like playing video games. What? Those things could be addictive. The Sims especially. Think about it, you hold the lives of the people you create in the palms of your hands. It was pretty funny to make your sim go swimming and then take away the ladder; they couldn't get out otherwise. They'd swim for days on end. But all of that was irrelevant. The point was that Ana was awake and she did not like it. She felt so exhausted, like she had run a marathon. And her bed was rock hard, and her pillow felt like rock as well.

Wait a minute…

Her pillow _was_ a rock.

"What the hell?" Ana asked, surprised when her voice echoed off the walls. The teenager sat up, thoroughly confused when her roaming hands touched the cool, grainy surface of the stone-like floor. She rubbed at her eyes in an attempt to rid the vestiges of sleep from them. Something weird was going on and she needed to see.

Soon, she discovered that the problem wasn't her eyes. The room was just insanely dark. Pitch black. No ounce of light. That raised alarm bells for her, because surely there should be a _little_ bit of light, right?

"Oh my God, I've gone blind!" Ana cried out. Her hands clamped over her mouth when her words echoed noisily through the dark space. That right there told her she was in a foreign area. Her bedroom didn't echo! Nor were there rocks in her room… Okay, there was _one_ rock in her room but that was her pet rock, Michelangelo. What? Don't judge. They made great companions.

"Where am I?" she whispered in the darkness. Half of her wanted someone to answer. The other half was afraid that someone would, maybe someone that had kidnapped her? That would make sense, what with her crappy luck. But no sounds were heard other than her heavy breathing.

Swallowing hard, Ana pawed at her body in paranoia. There were no bumps, broken bones, or bruises, only stiff joints from sleeping on the uncomfortable ground. At least she was dressed and no perverts had tried to molest her in her sleep. Hm, and she was wearing her jeans. Occasionally, she would fall asleep in them but she more often than not changed into sleep clothes. She must have forgotten when she went to bed last night.

A realization hit her, one that made her blood run cold, "…I don't remember going to bed. …I don't remember what I was even doing."

Heart rate increasing, Ana dug into her pockets in a frightened frenzy. Thankful that she was wearing her jeans and not her pajama pants, Ana hurriedly fished out her cell phone, a Galaxy S2. Seconds later, the screen lit up, lighting the once bewildering darkness.

_So I'm not blind then_, Ana exhaled in relief. The relief was short-lived when her eyes adjusted to the beam of light bouncing off the rocky walls. She blinked rapidly, rising to her feet and performing a full 360 degree turn.

"Where _am_ I?" she repeated her question from earlier. This was definitely not her room. Hell, she doubted she was anywhere near her house! She would have remembered seeing caves. Yes, _cave_. That's what this place had to be, if the stone walls were any indication.

_Oh God, what if some bat shit crazy cult members brought me here to sacrifice me to their goat god or something? Or maybe they're cannibals who will chop me up and EAT me? Or they're sadists who bring people here to wander until they die from thirst and starvation? Or…_ _Wait, I'm a sadist. If they are too then they'd accept me as one of their own. Or maybe they don't like competition?_

Ana let her thoughts stray away from that subject. They were not helping matters. Fear coiled in the pits of her stomach and she considered finding a nice rock to hide under. There were plenty around here. Surely there was one large enough to hide her.

No, she needed to stay focused, suck it up like a man. She wasn't totally helpless! She always carried a pocketknife for protection. Wait… Okay, yeah, she still had it on her. It was in her other pocket with…a rock?

"Michelangelo?" she wondered, looking down at her nonliving pet. The cheery face drawn on the rock's surface clashed with her horrible situation, almost like it was mocking her. "Ah well, at least I'm not completely alone in this, right buddy?"

No answer.

"…you're a horrible conversationalist." Ana put the rock in her pocket. Then, taking a deep breath, she moved her feet forward. Nothing good would come of sitting there waiting for a rescue that may never come. As it was, her phone received no signal, leaving her with no other options. She'd have to take her chances, hope the direction she walked was the one that led her to the exit, and brave the cave as best as she could. Hmm…brave…cave…rhyming…

She let the light from her phone lead the way. There wasn't much to the tunnel she walked in. Rocks, rocks, rocks, and oh look! More rocks. There were round rocks, small rocks, dull rocks, glittering rocks, tan rocks, black rocks, you name it. It was a rock lover's paradise. And every one of them hated her. More times than she could count, her feet tripped on them, nearly sending her into a face plant with each trip.

"Michelangelo, I don't think you're brethren like me very much," Ana confided. The farther she walked, and the more the darkness persisted, and the more the rocks kept tripping her, the more fed up she got. Finally, she gave up and called out for help. Screw possible kidnappers, she just wanted out. She sunk so low as to call out for her parents and sister, Kaylee. No amount of shouts brought her an answer. That didn't stop her from shouting, if anything to rid herself of the eerie silence.

Ana continued to walk. For how long, she hadn't the slightest clue. While she walked and yelled to her heart's content, her mind traveled a mile a minute. Ana prided herself on being a smart girl. At fourteen, she was more mature than most kids her age…when it came to practical purposes anyway. Her memory was pretty good as well. So it frustrated her to no end that she could not for the life of her remember what got her here. What had she been doing last? What day was it? Had it been a school day? Or had she been home? Did she come here of her own free will? …Nah. It didn't sound likely. But maybe she had gone out on her own somewhere else. Maybe someone kidnapped her while she was away from home and used some drug on her.

The idea sent her thoughts into a dark spiral. If she found this person or persons…oh, there would be no escape.

In a bad mood, Ana marched onward and effectively hit her shin on something metal.

"Ah!" she cried out, clutching at her leg with one hand and using the other to hold the phone up so she could see what object dared to stand in her path.

A large metal…cart?

Yeah, a rusty cart on wheels sat in the middle of the tunnel. On the inside were black rocks (coal?) filling one-third of the cart. Frowning, Ana pushed against the rim. The wheels were either broken or jammed. It wouldn't budge an inch.

"…whatever," the grumpy girl mumbled, trudging forward yet again. A few yards down the tunnel she saw another metal cart. What place was this? At any rate, she hoped this was a good sign.

Indeed, it was a good sign. Five minutes later she saw the light of day.

"We're saved, Michelangelo!" Ana shouted excitedly. Sauntering over to the cave's entrance, she discovered the large opening covered with dirty boards. Upon closer inspection, she discovered the wood to be rotted somewhat. Either the people who boarded up the cave were cheap or this place had been closed off for quite a while now.

For several moments Ana scowled at the wood.

Then she lifted her leg and planted her foot against the boards with enough force to break the wood. Another well placed kick opened a wide enough space for her to sneak out of.

"FREEDOM!" Ana exclaimed stretching her arms up towards the heavens. Out in the open, she noted a few things. It was late afternoon and the sun would set within the hour. Her phone still had zilch signal wise. The cave was not a cave at all; the old sign off to the side of the entrance proclaimed it to be the "Arcadia Mine". The landscape looked nothing like it did back home. There were dark shades of grass, the ground producing little in the way of trees, mostly multi-colored bushes, but the trees she saw were gigantic with sprawling limbs. And the most noticeable thing of all was where the path from the mine led to. About a fifteen minute walk stood a small dusty town she had never seen before.

Out of all of that, Ana could only focus on one thing.

"…where are all the trees? Who stole the trees?" she wondered aloud. In northern Louisiana, where she had lived all of her life, there were clusters galore of trees everywhere. This…_this_ was not anywhere near her home.

"Did they jump the border into Texas when they kidnapped me?" Of course, she had no answer for that or any of her other questions for that matter. It'd be best to leave it alone until she got to the town and could ask the townspeople.

Turned out, the walk took her over twenty minutes. Her feet dragged with every step. Rather than go another inch forward, she wanted to sprawl in the grass and take a nap. But that would accomplish nothing. And so, though it pained her tired body, she walked onward.

When she reached the edge of the town, her impression of it was…unimpressed. She had thought her town, Sibley, was small. This was_ microscopic_. Aside from that, the roads were dirt, the buildings were on the small side with only a couple reaching above one story, and the style of the various stores and houses were…odd. Come to think of it, the clothes the people wore were odd too. A few men and women that passed by her stared at her like _she_ was the one with weird clothes. No, just no. Their clothes looked so old fashioned, and the majority of the women wore dresses or long skirts. They were dressed incredibly modest, not a common thing to see nowadays.

"…whatever," she grumbled, ignoring their stares and walking into the nearest store. The smell hit her first, then a barrage of colors assaulted her eyesight. A flower shop, one with bad business. There weren't any more people besides herself and the old granny manning the counter. Ana approached with caution.

"Excuse me," she began politely, unable to shake the nervousness in her voice.

The lady smiled at her. Some of her teeth were missing. "How can I help you, Dearie?"

…Dearie? Who calls people that? "Um, I'm kinda lost. Can you tell me where I am?"

"My shop," she replied unhelpfully.

Ana wanted to face palm. "No, I meant the town."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Silly me," she laughed at herself, straightening the baby blue shawl she wore. "This is the town of Arcadia."

"Hm, sounds legit. I saw the Arcadia Mine on the way here."

"Yes, that mine hasn't been used in many years. There was nothing left to be had from it unfortunately. Nowadays, most of the men work as carpenters but back in my day…"

Ana zoned out, her face blank. What had she gotten herself into? Finally, when the old woman began talking about her third husband, Ana interrupted her, "Okay, but back to the town. Where is it located?"

Without being bothered by the interruption, the lady easily told her, "It's on the edge of the East and South border."

"…East and South of what?"

"Why, Amestris, Dearie!" the old woman cackled. Like, straight up cackled.

"Uh, you mean America?"

"No, Amestris, the country of course."

"…thanks for the help," Ana said and abruptly left, the old woman calling a pleasant farewell after her.

Out on the street, Ana shook her head. She should have known better than to ask her for answers. The old woman was obviously senile. That was an easy enough excuse, but the other townspeople's answer could not be brushed aside so easily. She asked men and women of different ages, some that passed by her on the road or some she met in the various shops, what the name of the town was and where it was located. They gave her serious glances but all said the same thing: Arcadia, Amestris. Surely the _whole_ town couldn't be crazy? And this was on too large a scale to be a joke, although she was quickly hoping that she was being punked. People kidnapping her and crossing the border into Texas, that she could believe. Waking up in a foreign country she had never heard of, on the other hand… On second thought, the name "Amestris" did sound familiar. Maybe it was in Europe? Then again, that would mean crossing the entire ocean, while she had been _asleep_. Highly unlikely. It was more probable that she had unknowingly discovered the power of teleportation. Le gasp, what if she really had superpowers?! That would be so cool!

Alas, the sun had set, Ana had received no reasonable answers, her phone still lacked signal, and she was thoroughly annoyed. She needed some cold hard proof and she needed it _now_. So when she walked into yet another store (a bookstore this time) she asked the bespectacled, thirty something, short blond haired, goateed man if she could see a map. The man didn't question her. He purposefully went to a shelf located behind the counter and pulled out a rectangular piece of paper. He stepped back to the counter and opened the paper where it had been folded thrice. It wasn't too large, covering half the countertop.

Ana's eyes studied the picture eagerly while her heart dropped in dismay. It was all there, Amestris in bold script at the top and, with minimal searching, she found Arcadia towards the lower right section of the circular country. Amestris was divided into five areas: the cardinal directions, plus an area in the center titled "Central". Highly original, and yes, that was sarcasm. To make matters worse, the bordering countries were completely lost on her. Creta? Drachma? What the hell?

"You must be a traveler," the man spoke for the first time, his voice one of those quiet, soothing types that could put you to sleep like a lullaby.

"Umm, I guess you could say that," she reluctantly agreed. Mentally she ranted, _No I'm not. I just woke up in a freaking mine and was probably kidnapped but I can't remember and now I'm in some town filled with weirdos and I can't even call home for help. Can you tell me where I left my sanity? _Rather than say any of those things, Ana pointed at an odd assortment of lines stretching across Amestris, each one having breaks in the separate lines. "What are those?"

"Those lines represent the train routes."

"Trains?"

"Yes, the number one means of transportation in Amestris," he stated as if that were obvious while somehow managing to stay polite.

"Trains," she repeated in a murmur, brows furrowing. What kind of backwater country used trains as their top transportation system? Were they poor?

As she was considering the many possibilities, Ana's eyes continued to roam the map. In the top right corner read the numbers "1914". She asked the shopkeeper what they signified.

Despite his perplexed expression, he answered her, "The date."

"The map is _that_ old?!" Man, they were so poor they couldn't even afford new maps!

"What are you talking about? This is the most recent edition of Amestris, including up-to-date populations in all the cities and towns, new railroads and roadways, and more accurate borderlines. It was just released earlier this year."

"This…year…" Ana breathed as everything began to make sense. The unusual clothes the people wore and the looks they gave her, the trains, the lack of phone signal, the old fashioned style of everything here, Amestris and the weird countries, it all could be explained by only one thing…

TIME TRAVEL!

Somehow, someway, she had traveled into the past and wound up elsewhere in the world during the process. That must be why Amestris was only vaguely familiar. She had to have heard about it in a history class at some point, and the country itself and the surrounding ones must change over time to more familiar _present_ countries.

Just as Ana was finding solid ground, the shopkeeper shattered her reality, leaving her floating adrift in a sea of disbelief and confusion.

"Yes, this is the Gertenburg version. From what I hear, his family has long been affiliated with the military, producing some very prominent State Alchemists. Although he's not one himself, he is an accomplished alchemist."

"State Alchemists…" Ana said in little more than a whisper. Surely this was a joke. She looked down once again, seeking further proof to confirm what this man unknowingly hinted at. She pinpointed the town of Resembool and then Central City itself. Even if she could recall more towns at the moment, there was no need of looking further. She had been wrong before. Amestris was familiar for other reasons. It never occurred to her before because…never would she have thought that…

"This is crazy," Ana spoke to herself. With the shock so great, all she could do was stand there. There was no freaking out, no racing heart, no signs of fainting. It was so impossible that she could offer no reaction at all.

_It's gotta be a joke. Right? But who would go so far and make it this elaborate? Why isn't a camera crew coming out yelling, "Gotchya!" Why isn't anyone laughing? Oh my God, why isn't anyone laughing yet?!_

"Hey," a voice called. A calming hand on her shoulder broke her out of her dazed state. Ana looked up to see the shopkeeper giving her a worried stare. "Are you okay?"

"I…don't know," she answered honestly.

His eyes crinkled in concern, "You look beat. What you need is a good meal and a night's rest. Why don't you head to the inn down the street? My sister runs the place and if you tell her Demetri sent you, she'll set you up nice."

"But I don't have a way to pay." Ana had barely gotten the sentence out when Demetri patted her on the shoulder and gave her assurances.

"Don't worry about it. She'll find a way for you to make it up to her," he smiled, leading her to the door. He gave her directions to Martha's Inn, patted her head, and wished her luck.

Ana walked through the now intimidating town, knowing that she was far from home and truly alone.

If this was a dream, she really wanted to wake up now please.

* * *

Martha's Inn, one of the buildings that made it past one-story, reaching up to two whole floors. Wood made up its structure, benches lined the front under an awning, and a warm glow filtered out of the square, open windows. Nothing extraordinary, but welcoming all the same. Inside, a rowdy bunch of people were gathered around several tables. This seemed to be one of the few places to go in town. Everyone there varied in ages, the majority being men with a few women mixed in. Their faces bore smiles as they laughed, talked, ate, and drank.

It clashed terribly with Ana's current mood.

It took scarcely a minute to find the innkeeper herself. Martha was a stout woman, clothed in a beige dress that accentuated her body structure. With her gray-brown hair tied up in a bun, the fine wrinkles beginning to form in her skin were more noticeable, and also told Ana that Martha was the older sibling of Demetri. When Ana told the woman of her dilemma and mentioned her brother, Martha smiled, making her crow's feet more pronounced, and welcomed her warmly. Ana soon found herself seated at a table, a bowl of…something placed in front of her. Soup probably, and tasty soup at that. Considering the occupied state of her mind, there was no room to enjoy the food. She ate in a daze, unfazed when others attempted to converse with her. One boy, a few years older than her, sat with her the longest. A measly two minutes later, he gave up. She barely noticed when he left. No one tried to talk to her after that. Ana didn't even have the presence of mind to be grateful for that.

Not one to let a free meal go to waste, Ana consumed every bite. Martha sensed her weariness and showed her to an empty room upstairs without delay. The older woman made sure that her tenant had everything she needed, and then slipped quietly out of the room, closing the door behind her. Ana barely noticed when she left too.

In a slow manner, Ana sat on the bed. Her face blank, she stared dully at the wall for several minutes. She lacked the presence of mind to fully take in her surroundings, only noting that the bed was made with clean sheets. Kicking off her shoes and emptying her pockets on the bedside table, Ana slipped under the covers. She gave the ceiling the same stare she gave the wall and laid there for the longest time hardly blinking.

"I'm in Fullmetal Alchemist," she spoke carefully, as if testing the validity of the words. It made the situation that much more real, more intimidating, more hopelessly confusing.

"…life hates me."

* * *

**Hiya party peoples! I hope you guys enjoyed this first chapter. The town Arcadia is of my own creation and I've mentioned it in a couple of my other stories so it almost feels like a real place in Amestris to me. I chose to start it off here cause let's face it, the odds of popping up around the canon characters is slim to none. So no canon characters for this chapter but they will come very, very soon.**

**I'm interested in what you guys think of Ana. She's more than just a character, she's my sister. This story started out from when me and her were talking on the phone and she asked, "What do you think would happen if I went to Amestris?" And I don't remember what I said but it was probably something along the lines of, "Oh God, you'd traumatize those poor Amestrian souls." But we started talking about it a lot and began this running gag of things going wrong for her because life hates her, and before I knew it there was this giant storyline planned out and I couldn't just _not_ write it. Me and Ana have big things in store for this story. Although I write the chapters, Ana does plan them with me and edits the chapters so props go to her too.**

**Updating on this will be iffy, but I've got the next chapter ready to go and will post it by this weekend, probably after I update my story _Reprieve_. To my readers on that story, sorry I'm taking so long but I'm almost done with the new chapter and should have it up by this weekend.**

**Stay tuned for Life Lesson #2! I love you all, my furry friends! Oh, and by the way, the story picture is in fact a picture of Michelangelo. My sister really does have a pet rock. ^_^ If you had a pet rock, what would its name be?**


	2. Life Lesson 2

**Life Lesson #2**

**Reality Always Catches Up**

As fate would have it, Ana got little in the way of sleep that night. It could have been the foreign room and bed that kept her awake. It could have been the paper thin walls and the rowdy party downstairs. It could have been the spider staring at her from the corner of the ceiling. Or it could have been the fact that she had somehow come to be in a fictional TV show world. But she was pretty sure it was the spider. It looked hungry…but she was too lazy to get up and squash the stupid thing.

Sunrise came and with it uncertainty. She had no money, no friends, nothing. The only things she could call her own were her phone, pocketknife, and her pet rock, and Michelangelo sure wasn't giving her any bright ideas. What would she do now?

…a shower. Yes, that sounded like a good enough plan for now. Let her think of more important things when she was clean.

Her phone told her that it wasn't even seven in the morning, and yet when she descended the stairs she found Martha talking to her brother, Demetri. They sat at a table, Martha smiling and chipper, Demetri hunched over a cup of coffee and groaning like a caveman. Obviously Demetri wasn't a morning person.

"Well, well, well. I certainly didn't expect you to be an early riser," Martha grinned at Ana. "Youth today wastes so much time sleeping."

Demetri shook his head, "It's not wasteful. It's a luxury that only a few of us can afford." His sister smiled at him but said nothing. The man adjusted his glasses and looked Ana over, "You seem better. Martha treating you good?"

In response, Martha swatted him on the arm, "Of course I am! You make it sound like I'm some mean, old lady."

"You're abusive like one," he frowned. Before she could get riled up, he threw his hands up in surrender, "Relax! I'm simply teasing you."

Ana smiled, amused by the siblings' antics, reminded of the times when she would joke around with her own brother. "I'm doing fine, although I could use a shower. I stink."

They laughed at her bluntness. Martha stood and agreed to show her to the bathroom. They ascended the stairs, leaving Demetri to his coffee.

Embarrassment filled her when Martha asked about her lack of belongings. Ana admitted she had no clothes and, God bless the woman, Martha gave her an extra set of clothes just like that. They were not her style, a white blouse and long, navy skirt, but they were clothes and they fit well enough. And the skirt was kinda cute, a sash as a belt and small ruffles at the bottom. And Martha had just given them to her. People in this time period were so nice, unlike the people where she was from. The people there were all assholes and idiots.

Ana finished with her shower quickly and dressed in the new clothes, planning to give her dirty ones to Martha for her to wash as she had instructed. Ana brushed her unruly, black hair, the long, coarse strands not wanting to untangle. A scowl formed as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Round, doe eyes, a few shades lighter than her hair, roamed over her figure. Her father was Hispanic, making Ana a half-Mexican child and giving her dark features like her tan skin, which contrasted so much with the pristine white blouse that she looked darker than usual. She rolled the sleeves up to her elbows and looked herself over once more. Damn, this shirt made her boobs look huge!

Ana rolled her eyes and left the bathroom to find Martha. The woman took her dirty clothes, gave her a list of instructions, and briskly swept out of the room, leaving Ana blinking. Chores…the woman wanted her to do chores. So this must be what Demetri meant by finding a way to pay Martha. Ana owed her that much, so she set forth cleaning the inn starting with the dirty dishes.

Before she knew it, Ana had spent the whole day helping Martha with various tasks. She didn't mind it, being no stranger to manual labor. It gave her a way to repay Martha's kindness, and it allowed Ana to stay busy. If she stayed busy then she had no time to freak out. And if she freaked out…it would become too real. Ana didn't want to face such a reality. Not yet.

"Ana!"

She glanced up from the people she served plates of burgers to. Afternoon had turned to night and the townspeople were there again, relaxing and having a good time after a long day. Ana had agreed to help Martha prepare food and act something like a waitress. If she could say so herself, she did a damn good job of it too. Oh, speaking of Martha, the woman had waved her over at an empty table.

"Something wrong?" Ana asked, coming to stand beside the table.

"You tell me," Martha replied, patting the chair next to her in welcome. Ana took a seat, confused at what Martha meant. She spoke in this weird I-know-all-Yoda tone, making Ana uncomfortable. "I'm grateful for all the help you've given me, but you've had that out-of-it look on your face all day. Something on your mind?"

Ana bit her lip, "No, it's more like I've been trying to not think about it."

"Ah, what have you been avoiding? You can tell me, Sweetie. Ole Martha will listen."

She smiled. Martha was such an easy person to like. "I wanna go home." There, that was it. That was all it boiled down to. She wanted to go home, where she was safe and everything made sense, and forget this ever happened.

"And why can't you?"

"…I can't. I don't know how or if it's even possible."

"You can't just hop on a train and go?"

"No, it's not that simple."

"That bad, huh?"

"Yeppers," Ana nodded. Then she promptly let her head drop on the table, her forehead hitting the wood surface with a thud.

Martha rubbed her back soothingly, motherly even, "You're a good kid, Ana. If there's something I can do for you, just ask."

"I don't think you can help me with this, unless you're an…alchemist," the word rolled off her tongue awkwardly. Her mind still didn't want to accept this new reality, and part of her felt stupid for even considering it.

_No, don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it…_

Martha chuckled, "No, I'm not. That hocus pocus never did settle good with me. You won't find an alchemist around here, unless you count old man Barnaby, but he's a crazy ole coot."

Ana grimaced. What parent would ever name their child _Barnaby_? He must have been teased so much as a child.

"So why do you need an alchemist?" she asked curiously.

"It's…complicated. But I think alchemy is the only way I can get home." Again, her mind curled away from the idea, resisting the reality once more. Regardless of whether she could accept it, the truth of the matter was that she was far from home. Ana wanted, no, she _needed_ to get home. This place…if it was truly _that_ place…then danger lurked around every corner. Her best bet to return home would be through alchemy, though she had no idea how she had even ended up here in the first place. It sure as hell couldn't be alchemy, because it didn't work in her world…right?

Ana shook her head to clear it. Right, she needed to focus. Martha had brought this up and, although Ana wished she'd had more time to put things off, she had to face the problem and try to fix it. Alchemy was her only option to getting her home, the only choice she could think of anyway. But would it send her through the gate? The worlds were connected by the gate, right? Eh, she had no clue. If only she had finished the series. But wait, there was another series too, one she didn't watch anything of, and everyone said it was different. Which one would this place reflect?

Okay, forget that line of thought. There wasn't anything useful there, her not being able to do anything about it. Her concentration should be on what she should do next. It would be best to find an alchemist who _wasn't_ one of the characters. If she became involved with the characters (assuming they existed), she could die! They got into some crazy, deadly shit and Ana wanted no part of it. Uh-uh, no thank you. Plus, they would be suspicious of how she knew them and that was crap she didn't need. But what were the odds of finding an alchemist as good as…erm…_certain_ alchemists she knew of but were not supposed to exist? One that she could trust and would believe her? Knowing Ana's luck, she'd end up finding some rapist alchemist wannabe.

Neither options sounded appealing.

"This is jank," Ana finally mumbled, scratching her head.

Martha barked out a laugh, "All that thinking didn't do a lick of good, I take it?"

"No. It just hurt my brain," she pouted. "Martha, I don't know what to do. Where's the easy button when I need it?"

The older woman patted her shoulder, "I'm sorry Ana, but there's no easy button in life." _I knew it. The commercials were a lie_, Ana thought viciously. "We've just got to deal with what's thrown at us and hope we make it out alive."

Ana slumped over, disheartened, "It's official then. I'm gonna die."

"Oh hush, don't think like that. Pessimism won't get you anywhere."

"But I already tried optimism and it sucked."

"Then try harder."

"But "

"Try harder!"

"Eeek! Yes ma'am!" Ana squeaked. Martha could be scary as shit!

Someone across the room called for Martha. She stood and spoke to Ana one last time. "Honey, I know you're lost and feeling down right now, but don't give up. Follow your instincts." And then she left.

Ana looked down at the table top, gazing into the tiny grooves in the wood as she spoke to herself forlornly, "But I have horrible instincts."

Nevertheless, Ana would give it a shot. She didn't have many options. Here she stood in a foreign land, on her own and far from home. She had to do what she needed to, no matter what the consequences may be. She could not stay here.

By the next morning, Ana had reached a decision.

* * *

"Are you sure?" Ana asked, staring uncertainly at the offered money in Martha's hand.

"Are _you_ sure?" the woman countered.

Ana frowned, thinking briefly. She concluded that yes, she was sure. Nodding, Ana accepted the money with thanks.

Martha waved away her gratitude, "It's no trouble at all. Like I said last night, you're a good kid and I'm happy to help. But I'm curious, what's waiting for you in Resembool?"

As Ana pocketed the bills in her bag (enough money for a train ticket and some food), she answered, "My saviors, hopefully."

"Well then, I wish you the best of luck." Martha surprised Ana by giving her a fierce hug. Releasing her, she said, "If you ever find yourself around these parts again, don't be afraid to stop by and say hello."

"I will," Ana promised, hoping she'd never have to. Martha was a great person and all, but if things worked out well then Ana would find a way back home. Sooner rather than later.

"Take care," she waved as Ana exited the inn.

Outside, the morning sun greeted her, its warmth heavy but welcoming. Ana adjusted her bag (something Martha had given her to hold her meager possessions), the tan corduroy bag resting at her hip with the long strap securely on her shoulder. It was a plain item, pretty in its simplicity. Really, Martha was way too nice for her own good. If some guy asked to rape her she'd probably say yes. But then, it's not rape if it's willing. And who would stop to ask if they could rape someone? Come to think of it, it sounded something like she would do.

"_If it wasn't for date rape I'd never get laid,_" Ana sung to herself quietly. You could never go wrong with Sublime. Okay, maybe you could but that's besides the point.

When Ana reached the train station, her scheduled train pulled into the station with a series of screeches and a butt load of steam.

Ana's jaw dropped as she gazed upon the large locomotive, "It's so…retarded looking." And she would have to ride in it, on the retardation express. She smiled smugly, "This is my kind of ride."

The cheery teenager skipped over to the ticket booth to buy a ticket. She had a confusing spell when it came to what cenz to use (the currency there was jank), but the guy that manned the booth patiently helped her and sent her own her way with a smile. Ana hurried onto the train, excitement making her giddy as she took in everything with wonder. She had never ridden on a train before. Don't judge.

The car was filled halfway with passengers, all of them minding their own business as Ana did her own thing. She found a seat to herself and waited anxiously for the coming trip.

* * *

_Many months later…or what felt like it._

Ana exited the train in a very grumpy mood. She had very nearly died from boredom during the long ride, the train was so loud and shaky that she couldn't take a nap, and her bottom was sore from the stupid wooden benches.

"Never again," Ana vowed, giving the train the stank eye before she departed the small station. She had walked down the dirt path for ten minutes when she stopped, "Wait, I don't even know where I'm going."

The peaceful hills of Resembool surrounded her, becoming increasingly darker as night bled into the sky. She needed to get a move on. No way did she want to be out here in the dark, all alone, prime meat for kidnappers. They wouldn't be able to resist her cuteness!

"Michelangelo, I think we should ask for directions," she patted her bag where her pet rock resided. The skirt she wore had no pockets, so Michelangelo had to make do with the bag. The rock didn't reply, making Ana worry momentarily that he didn't have enough air. Then she smacked her forehead, "I'm so stupid."

Pet rocks aside, Ana walked and walked until she came across a villager riding in a wagon filled with hay, the wagon being pulled by a horse. The old man stopped for her and gave her the directions she needed, even offering to give her a lift for part of the way since he was headed in the same direction. Ana happily accepted and hopped in the back. It wasn't the most comfortable way to travel, but hey, at least she was off her feet.

Soon came the time where they had to part ways. Ana waved goodbye and followed the trail to her destination. The whole time, the _whole_ time Ana had traveled from Arcadia to here, Ana hadn't allowed herself to think about where she was going. Her mind continued to desperately refuse this reality, clinging to something more safe and reasonable. Even when the yellow two-story house came into view, she couldn't think past the simple task of getting there. She saw the sign in the front, but couldn't read it. She saw the dog on the other side of the yard laying in the grass, but couldn't accept it.

It wasn't until her task was finished, when she had knocked on the front door and a familiar blue-eyed blonde had answered it…it wasn't until that moment, that it all fell apart.

"Hello, can I help you?" Winry Rockbell asked with a pleasant smile.

The reality became too strong for Ana to handle. It crushed the unstable walls of her denial, releasing the flood gates and setting her adrift.

"Hello?" she asked again, worried when Ana hadn't responded.

Ana's chest tightened, her eyes filled with moisture, and she turned away to sit ever so slowly on the porch steps. She slumped over with her face in her hands and proceeded to bawl her eyes out.

* * *

**Thanks for all the favorites and lovely reviews you guys have been leaving! It seems a lot of you have or have had pet rocks before with some really interesting names. I used to have one, but that was ten years ago so I don't remember its name. However, I do have a laptop named Ronald, a trumpet named Doug, a mechanical bug toy named Marvin, and an mp3 player named lil Janice. I have to name my stuff so I can form a proper bond with it. ^_^**

**I'm so excited for this story! I'll probably update it by next weekend. Oh, and Ana says hi! If you want to say hi back to her, message her on here. She goes by YourSecretStalker. Just don't be deceived by her cuteness. She's vicious.**

**Ana: Hey!**

**LeFay: What? It's true.**

**Ana: ...Michelangelo, sic her!**

**LeFay: T_T It's not like your rock can bite me.**

**Ana: No, but I can throw it. *throws rock***

**LeFay: *gets hit in the head and falls over unconscious***

**Ana: Aw, Michelangelo! Now that's another body I have to hide.**

**LeFay: *twitch***

**Ana: Oh, never mind. She's alive. We're still good.**


	3. Life Lesson 3

**Life Lesson #3**

**When lost, look for the bathroom**

(-Winry-)

When Winry opened the door, she expected a number of things: a customer, a friend, the Elric brothers even. _Not_ a hysterical young girl crying like she'd been given the death sentence. She'd been fine when Winry opened the door. What had set her off?

This girl may have been a stranger, and her sanity was questionable, but Winry was a kind soul. No way could she leave this poor girl crying on her front porch. That'd be cruel!

"Hey, what's wrong?" Winry asked gently, coming to sit beside the sobbing dark-haired girl. From the looks of it, the girl was younger than Winry. Not by much, but noticeably so. What was she doing out here? Maybe she was lost.

Face in her hands, the girl began babbling a stream of nonsense. Something about how nothing made sense, life hating her, and a guy named Michelangelo. Okay, forget lost. This girl was having a mid-life crises.

Hesitating for a moment, unsure how the girl would react, Winry reached out and patted her shoulder. "It's okay. Just breathe and try to calm down."

"What's going on out here?" her grandmother asked, appearing at the open doorway. She took one look at the bawling girl and Winry's worried expression and said, "Oh dear, I better put some tea on. Winry, bring her in."

"Yeah," Winry nodded in agreement and turned to the girl. "Come on, let's get you inside," she told her in her most non-threatening tone, helping her stand. The girl let her without protest and let herself be pulled inside all the way to the kitchen. She sat down heavily, quieter than before but still sniffling. Winry joined her at the table and waited for her grandmother to prepare the tea. Only when the older woman had set a cup in front of her did she press for answers.

"What's your name?" Winry asked.

Wiping her cheeks, the girl answered, "Ana. Ana Lopez."

"Ana," Pinako nodded. "I'm Pinako Rockbell and this is my granddaughter, Winry."

"I know," Ana said, shocking them. She seemed to realize what she said and stammered, "I mean, I know of you. Rockbell automail is pretty famous."

It sounded like a valid enough excuse. Still, Winry couldn't shake the feeling that something was off about this girl, something more to her.

"I…see," Pinako said carefully, eyeing the tan girl. So it wasn't just Winry! Her grandma sensed something too!

"So you came here on purpose? You're not just lost?" Winry deduced.

Ana wiped at her face to clear the moist tracks there, no longer crying. She gave an obvious effort to calm herself. The hand that reached for her tea still shook. Ana ignored that and sipped on the tea.

"Yeah, I came here on purpose. I'm looking for the Elric brothers."

Winry straightened up in her seat lightning fast and asked shrilly, "You know Ed and Al?!"

"Um…yes?" she answered uncertainly.

So that's what it was! Winry knew there was something more to this girl showing up here out of the blue!

"How do you know them? You must know them pretty well if you came here looking for them," Pinako commented calmly, watching Ana curiously. "Although, if you knew them that well then you'd know they don't stop by here often. Ed's job as a State Alchemist keeps him away."

"Yeah, and the only time they bother to show up is when they're beat up and broken," Winry huffed. And then they'd try to smile and pretend nothing serious happened, like they hadn't been in fights or nearly died. As much as she cared for them, those boys drove her patience past its limits. Stupid boys.

"I was hoping to catch them here but I should have known it'd be a long shot," Ana sighed. "Man, I can never catch a break." When Pinako continued to stare at her pointedly, yet patiently, Ana remembered she hadn't answered her question, "Oh yeah, how I know them. Well, I… I met them."

"Where'd you guys meet?" Winry asked excitedly. She knew they traveled a lot to so many different cities. They must have seen a great deal of amazing sights. It made Winry envy them the tiniest bit. How she would love to travel around once and awhile. Maybe she could convince the guys the next time they came around to take her on a trip somewhere? Oh, like Rush Valley! That would be great!

"We, uh, met in Arcadia…" Ana answered, taking a moment to drink some more tea. Winry urged her on and she continued. "I totally saved their lives," she waved her hand like it was nothing.

"Jeez, what mess did they get into this time?" Winry frowned. Troublesome, stupid boys.

"Um, they were up at the old mine. Don't know what they were doing there in the first place 'cause it's blocked off and not used anymore, but they got lost inside. I found them and led them out to civilization. So they owe me one."

"And you came to collect I suppose?" Pinako smirked.

Ana returned the smirk, "Yep."

"For what exactly?"

"I need their help. Ed and Al are the only alchemists I can trust with this."

"Trust with what?" Winry asked, cocking her head to the side so that her ponytail fell over her shoulder. She wondered briefly if Ana would be like Ed and Al, if she would try to cover up her problem and brush it off like it wasn't a big deal. Instead, Ana told her the truth, instantly putting her high in Winry's respect.

"I need their help to get home," Ana revealed, the longing in her eyes speaking more than her words. With her shiny, big doe eyes, she looked like a helpless little girl, which more than likely was the case here.

"And you need alchemy to do that?" asked Pinako.

"Yeah. You see, where I'm from, it's blocked off from here. You need alchemy to get in and out."

"And where are you from?"

"It's a small town called Sibley. I doubt you've heard of it. It's really far from here and basically cut off from the rest of the world."

"A town you can only get into and out of with alchemy?" Winry wondered. Indeed, she had never heard of such a place.

"Sounds about right," Ana agreed. "I mean, there's more to it than that but that's the basics." Before Winry could ask for more information, Ana went on, "I was taken to Arcadia. I don't know why, I just woke up there with no memory of how I got there. But I figured I could just stay there awhile. But the lady I was staying with helped me realize that I needed to do everything I could to get back home. And since Ed and Al are the only alchemists I know…here I am."

Tears pricked in Winry's eyes. No wonder the girl had been bawling her eyes out! This girl had been through so much.

"That's awful," Winry said in sympathy. Then she gave into impulse and hugged Ana, squeezing her tightly.

"Need…air!" Ana squeaked, attempting to remove herself from the mechanic's iron grip.

"Oh, sorry!" Winry apologized, releasing her and sitting back in her chair. She did tend to let her emotions control her. Oops…

Ana righted herself by smoothing out her shirt, "No biggie. Just remind me to never challenge you to an arm wrestling match."

Pinako barked out a laugh, "You'll find that we automail engineers are tough."

"No wonder Ed and Al fear you."

"Someone's gotta whip those boys in shape," Pinako agreed amicably.

Ana gave a mischievous half smirk, "I like the way you think, Miss Rockbell."

Pinako smiled as she excused herself from the table to tend to dinner. She had been cooking before they'd found Ana on their porch. The older woman invited Ana to stay for the meal.

"You don't mind?" Ana asked. By her expression, she was enthused by the offer.

"You might as well. I always cook more than we need."

"Alright then. Thank you!" Ana smiled, dimples showing cutely.

"You're welcome. In fact, it'd be a good idea to stay with us while you're in Resembool."

"That's a great idea!" Winry grinned. They didn't get a lot of company other than customers nowadays, and so far Ana seemed like an interesting person. She'd like a chance to get to know her more.

Ana glanced back and forth between them, "As long as it doesn't inconvenience you, I'd like that." It looked like Ana was the kind of girl who took the good things life presented to her without much reluctance. "But I am a stranger you know."

"Nonsense. A friend of Ed and Al's is a friend of ours," Winry replied.

Then came Pinako's input, "Besides, the Sheep Festival is later this week. That means the only inn in Resembool will be packed."

"So basically you're saying I have nowhere else to go anyway?" Ana asked, raising a brow.

"Exactly."

"Okay," Ana nodded. Then she let Winry lead her to the bathroom where they could wash up for dinner.

* * *

(-Ana-)

They sat down at the table again to eat and chat. What surprised Ana the most was how well she got along with them. She never gave much thought about Pinako before, but who knew the old lady was off the chain? Winry too had been cooler than she would have thought, which was weird because Ana had been one of those people who hated Winry and thought she'd be better off dying in a hole somewhere. Random hugs aside, Winry was great friend material. Speaking of random hugs, what was up with that? Were all people here more touchy feely than back home? Martha had been a hugger too. Maybe it was a chick thing and Ana had never gotten the memo. Ana for one didn't go around hugging people she had just met…most of the time.

Pinako declined Ana's offer to help clean up, so she shrugged and let Winry lead her to a guest room. The girls didn't talk much more that night. The long train ride had pooped Ana out and a soft bed was just what the doctor ordered.

Ana didn't get much sleep that night. For the longest time she laid there wondering how she had gotten herself into such a pickle and trying really hard not to freak out. She felt so mortified that Winry and Pinako had witnessed her cry fest, but in her defense life had screwed her over. That warranted a little bit of crying, right? As it was, Ana was still praying that she would wake up from this weird dream.

"Why'd I have to come to Amestris of all places?" Ana asked herself softly in the darkness of her room. Ana was not your average FMA fangirl. Sure, the show was kinda cool, but she wasn't head-over-heels in love with it. Hell, she hadn't even finished the damn show, nor could she recall how far she had gotten. It had been forever ago since she had watched it and a lot of details were fuzzy. She had gotten sidetracked by more awesome shows like Black Butler and Naruto to come back and finish the anime. Le gasp, wouldn't that be so cool if she had gone to Naruto instead?! Now waking up in Konoha would have been a dream come true! Scratch that, waking up in the Akatsuki secret base would have been a dream come true! She would have raped every one of them smexy bitches. Actually, no, they would have killed her on the spot. They were evil murderers after all, except Itachi because he wasn't really evil.

Letting her mind follow that lighter train of thought, Ana fell into a deep sleep in the early hours of morning.

The next day was a bit easier to bear. The Rockbells were nice people and, when Ana stopped thinking about how strange it was that they were supposed to be fictional characters, they were helpful in distracting Ana from how much life hated her. She felt somewhat guilty about lying to them yesterday on how she had "met" the Elric brothers. And it hadn't even been a good lie either, but that was the best she could come up with on the spot! You try to do better when you're under pressure! Besides, Ana had needed an excuse for how she knew them and why she was here in the first place. She was just glad she had convinced Winry and Pinako of her phony story.

After they had breakfast, Ana asked about how soon she could get to Central.

"I can phone down to the train station," Winry suggested, going to make the call before Ana had agreed. Minutes later, Winry came back to tell her, "There won't be a train leaving until nine tomorrow morning."

"Alright. Mind if I spend another night?" Ana asked, sitting on the front porch and scratching Den behind the ears where he lay beside her.

"Of course not," Winry shook her head, coming to sit on the other side of Den. "So, you've got enough money for a train ticket, right?"

Ana grinned, "Nope! But I figured I could just ninja my way onto the train."

Curiously, Winry did one of those falls that Ana had only ever seen in anime. The blonde quickly overcame her shock, sitting up and staring hard at Ana, "Honestly, you could have just asked us to buy you a train ticket. It's not that much."

Ana pouted, "But I wanted to be a ninja…"

"Now you sound like Ed. He always has to make things more difficult than they should be."

"…that's not really a compliment, ya know."

Winry realized her mistake and tried to backpedal, but Ana didn't give her a chance.

"Chill Winry, it's fine," Ana laughed good-naturedly. "And Ed's not that bad a guy to be compared to."

Winry considered it a moment, and then she gave a small smile, "No, I guess he isn't."

Den chose that second to nudge at Ana's hands, wanting more scratchies. Ana gave in and resumed rubbing him. "You know, Den kinda reminds me of my dogs."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. They've got black fur too and they're a similar breed. Their names are Sam and Tom-Tom… They liked scratchies too…"

Winry blinked at the suddenly depressed girl. She became even more surprised when Ana suddenly burst into tears, crying about how she missed her dogs.

"Oh Ana, I'm sure they miss you too," Winry told her consolingly, patting her back. "It's not so bad! With Ed and Al's help, you'll be home before you know it! I promise you if anyone can help you, it's them."

"Mhm," Ana hummed/whimpered, wiping at her eyes and sniffing loudly so no gross snot would come out. Winry's words did make her feel a little better.

Wait, Ana was having a déjà vu moment. Here she was again, crying on the front porch with Winry by her side. It was official. This porch was a place of evil and dark despair. She would do her best to avoid it in the future.

Not long after that, Ana regained control of herself enough to go inside with Winry. The perky mechanic led her to her personal workshop and all depressing thoughts left Ana as she looked upon shiny metal limbs galore.

"Wow," Ana breathed in awe, examining an automail arm hanging from a rack. Her hands hovered over the metal limb, afraid of touching it but mesmerized by its shiny robot-ness.

"You like it?" Winry asked, grinning as she tightened the green bandana on her head in preparation for working.

Ana nodded furiously, "This is so cool! Can I touch it?"

She laughed at her excitement, "Sure. Go ahead."

Having the go ahead, Ana took hold of the arm by its wrist. She made sure to be extra careful as she twisted the joints. Lord knows it wouldn't take much for a girl like Ana to break something as expensive as this. She really didn't want to mess up something that Winry had put so much effort into making, an effort that could be clearly seen by the amount of detail in the automail. It was amazing how much it looked like and functioned like a real human arm! Except cooler. This was so much cooler than either of Ana's arms.

Winry laughed at her again, "It's like you've never seen automail before."

Ana was about to say she hadn't before she stopped herself. That would have made her look suspicious. Instead, she thought quick on her feet, "I haven't seen that much automail, but _nothing_ as cool as this! And Ed never showed me his automail so I'm making up for it now." Then an idea occurred to her, one that had her spinning around to gaze up at Winry with pleading eyes, "Winry, please make some automail for me!"

This request was received with a bewildered expression, "I can't."

"Why not?" Ana asked, crestfallen.

"Because you have all of your limbs," Winry said, as if that were obvious.

Ana looked down at her arms, glancing between the two limbs contemplatively. In a grave voice, she spoke to her arms, "Okay, one of you will have to go."

An unexpected hit in the head had Ana seeing stars. Winry, incriminating wrench in hand, glared at her with eyes filled with blue flames, "Don't joke around like that!"

Ana rubbed at her head, checking her hand for blood in paranoia. Holy crap, how was she not dead? She just got brained by a _wrench_. Oh damn, that hurt. Ow ow ow, son of a mother trucker! Was her head swelling? Oh shit, what if she had a concussion? She'd probably be walking around with a goose egg the size of a baseball for days! Remind her never to piss Winry off again. But what the hell did she say?

"What did I say?" Ana cried, hunching in on herself and rubbing at her throbbing skull. "I'm sorry Winry. Please don't kill me!"

The irate mechanic took a deep breath, visibly trying to calm herself. She covered half her face with a hand and closed her eyes, "No, I'm sorry. It's just that… As much as I love automail, I know I'm lucky to have all of my limbs. You should be grateful for the ones you have too. You'll never know how much you'll miss them when they're gone."

Now Winry just looked sad. What was her problem? This chick was so bi polar.

Oh…wait…oh damn. Okay, now Ana understood. Stuff just took her a minute sometimes.

"This is about Ed and Al, isn't it?" Ana ventured a guess.

Winry's eyes widened, "Do you…do you know about…?"

"Do I know about how Ed and Al are looking for the Philosopher's Stone to return themselves to their original bodies?" Ana finished for her. "No, I haven't the slightest clue."

Winry didn't laugh at her joke. She sat down on her stool, her eyes questioning Ana.

Ana sighed, coming up with a simple enough explanation, "They told me when I met them." Oh crap, now Winry was looking hurt and betrayed, like Ed and Al were going behind her back telling random strangers their life story instead of her. "I mean, they didn't want to but it kinda came up and I ended up finding out and…yeah." She didn't have more details she could come up with, so she hoped Winry wouldn't ask further.

Thankfully, Winry accepted it, even looking somewhat relieved. She nodded, "I know I joke with Ed sometimes. I'll tell him I don't know why he wants to get his real limbs back when he has automail. But…I also know how much of a burden it can be. Ed only has half of his limbs. And poor Alphonse, he…"

"It puts things into perspective," Ana said, hopping onto the end of the table to sit among the tools and metal bits lying there.

"Yes, it does," she nodded sadly. "They've been working so hard for so long to regain what they've lost…"

"If it's any consolation, they're gonna do it."

Winry snapped her head up, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, they're gonna get their bodies back. It's as simple as that."

"How can you be sure? You barely know them."

"Do not doubt my powers of premonition, foolish mortal," Ana said in a deep voice, more or less giving Winry 'the hand'. "I am the epitome of psychic-ness!"

Winry sweat dropped, "More like the epitome of psychotic-ness."

Ana shrugged, "That too. But seriously child, trust me on this. They're gonna make it past that finish line with both of their bodies intact and then you'll have to listen to me say I told you so."

"Whatever you say," Winry rolled her eyes. Then she turned to the half- constructed automail leg lying on the table. As she grabbed a screw driver, she gave a small smile and said softly, "It's a nice thought."

Ana smiled in return, watching the blonde begin her mechanical magic.

* * *

(-Ana-)

"So…"

"Yes?"

"…is it too late to ninja my way on board?"

Winry pulled out her wrench, sending Ana a warning look.

"Ticket it is then."

"You're damn straight," the blonde nodded, returning her wrench to…wherever she kept it. It seemed like she'd pull it out of thin air.

The two teenagers stood at the small Resembool train station. The train to Central was already boarding, meaning it was time for new friends to part ways.

"Come back and visit soon, okay?" Winry said, looking reluctant for Ana to leave. "These past two days have been really fun."

"I'll try to. And who knows, maybe I can convince those boys of yours to swing by soon."

Winry gave a little laugh, "I'd like that. And if they're in one piece when they do I'd like that even more."

A last call for departure came and the two were forced to wrap up their goodbyes.

Ana held out her hand, "Thanks for everything, Winry."

Winry forewent the hand and pulled Ana into one of her bone-crushing hugs.

"Win…ry…," Ana managed to get out, desperate for air.

Winry quickly released her and stammered an apology like last time.

"It's okay. No one can resist my bod," Ana said as if that explained everything. Winry gave her an odd look but Ana just laughed, "Never mind. Bye Winry."

"Goodbye Ana!" Winry called after her as the younger girl boarded the train.

Inside the passenger car there weren't many travelers. Ana assumed they'd pick up more people on the way there. For now though, she had most of the car to herself. When she found a seat she crawled onto it on her knees and pushed the window open. Winry stood on the platform waving at her as the train began to move forward.

"Good luck, Ana!" Winry yelled to her. "And say hi to Ed and Al for me!"

"I will!" Ana shouted back, waving and smiling for all she was worth. She remained at the window until the station was reduced to a tiny speck in the distance. Then she sat down properly on the bench, leaving the window open to let a cool breeze caress her face.

"Maybe this won't be so bad after all," Ana smiled to herself. Then she moaned in agony as the reality of her situation caught up with her.

She would have to sit on this God forsaken train…for _two days_…

"Kill me now."

* * *

(-Ana-)

What felt like a year later, Ana had finally arrived at her destination. Behold the primitive city of Central! Okay, so by this world's standards it wasn't primitive. But to her, seeing all the old style vehicles that passed her, it might as well have been. Man, those things were fugly.

Ana strolled down the sidewalk bored out of her mind. She'd been bored since she left Resembool. Luckily, she had her phone to entertain her for half of the ride. There may be no internet here but her phone had a lot of fun apps. That is…until her phone died. Ana had a mini funeral for it while she'd been in East City. The wait there had taken four hours longer than it should have because of some stupid malfunction in the train. When she'd gotten back on, Ana pretty much slept the rest of the way. Screw the shaky, loud train and uncomfortable seats, she was still getting her beauty sleep.

For the next several minutes Ana marched her way to the Central command center, albeit not without stopping many times for directions. If she was gonna find the Elrics anywhere in Central, it would be there. Or not. Who knew what other places they could be. But Mustang was stationed here in Central, right? And he was Ed's commanding officer, right? He'd know where they were and could tell her where to find them, right?

Someone please say right.

Oh well, it wasn't like she had any other bright ideas. Storm the capitol! Oh wait, now people were looking at her weird. Damn, did she say that out loud? Nothing to see here folks! Just your average Mexican. Nothing out of the ordinary! Moving along, okay, have a nice day. Bye!

Sooner than later, Ana came across the giant set of stairs that led up to the even more giant military headquarters. It was like the White House and the Pentagon had merged together to form one ultimate building of superiority. This building looked upon the others and said, "Bow down to my awesomeness, you sorry excuses for architecture."

Ana ducked her head and moved along. She had been standing there for five minutes thinking those thoughts while more people were looking at her strangely. Too much attention was being drawn to her already. Curse her scatter brain!

"I feel so tiny," Ana murmured, scanning everything around her. The grounds around the building were neat, elegant, and big. Inside of the building was the same way. She had crossed the grounds and made it into the building, no problem. It wasn't like there wasn't anyone around to stop her. There were more than enough soldiers in their fancy pantsy blue uniforms going this way and that. Most of them gave her odd looks that clearly showed that her presence there was out of place while the rest of them ignored her. None of them spoke to her.

Dozens of people hustled and bustled through the main lobby. Ana wondered if it was always this busy around here of it was because it was mid-morning. At any rate, this could work to Ana's advantage.

"Hey," someone said and a hand grabbed her shoulder to stop her. Ana froze, looking up into the face of a stern woman. She wore the uniform like everyone else, except her auburn hair lay over her shoulder in a low ponytail.

"Yes?" Ana asked, trying her best to look like an innocent young girl. It really wasn't all that hard to do. Too bad the lady didn't care.

"What's a kid doing wandering around a military headquarters?"

"Um…" This was bad. Ana hadn't stopped to think about how she would need an excuse.

"Hey, Caroline!" a male soldier called, causing the woman's attention to falter. A guy at a desk was gesturing for her to come over like he had something important to tell her.

Caroline frowned, "Coming!" She gave Ana one last hard stare, "Don't move from that spot. I'll be right back." The woman walked over to the man who had called her.

With the woman's back now turned, Ana stuck her tongue out at her and hurried off down a random hallway until she found a staircase. The giggling girl zoomed up those as well and only stopped when she had made it to the second floor.

"Now what?" she asked herself, glancing around at her new surroundings. Just more hallways with random doors. If she stopped and asked someone here for directions then they might be like that lady, Caroline, and try to question her being there. She'd be better off looking around on her own while praying to God she got lucky. It'd be a long search, due to the ginormous building, but she'd eventually have to run into someone familiar. And she had already ruled out the first floor. There was no need to check because nothing important was ever located on the first floor.

Her plan decided, Ana walked up to the first door she found and opened it.

Fifteen older men looked up to stare at her. They were all seated around an oversized table, except the man who stood at the end. And if she wasn't mistaken, the man who was standing was the Fuhrer.

Ana laughed nervously, "Heheheh, this isn't the bathroom." Then she swiftly shut the door on their confused faces and made a run for it.

Several hallways away, Ana panted, "Oh shit, that was close." Why, oh why did the first door Ana had to open have to be a giant ass meeting with the freaking Fuhrer? Oh right, 'cause life hated her.

"Well, it can't get any worse," Ana told herself. Then she face palmed. You were _never _supposed to say those words because it could _always_ get worse. But for the life of her, Ana couldn't come up with a worse scenario than walking in on one of the Fuhrer's meetings.

"Come on, man up," she whispered in annoyance. She could do this. She couldn't stop now that she had come this far. Her salvation could be right around the corner!

Comforted by these thoughts, Ana walked around the supposed corner and tried the first door on the right. Inside was an office filled with three people, two at their desks and one rummaging through a filing cabinet. They glanced up at her interruption.

"Heheheh, this isn't the bathroom," Ana said and then shut the door quickly.

Ana rubbed at her temple. This was going to be a long day.

* * *

(-Maes-)

Maes Hughes walked down the hallway with only one thing on his mind.

Coffee…_now_.

He'd been working without stop all day long and felt that he deserved this small reward. He had even foregone bugging Roy, who he'd usually take the time to call or drop in on at least once a day to remind him of his obvious need to find a wife. The man needed to get married and have kids already so that they could set up play dates for their children! Ah well, he would make up for today by pestering Roy tomorrow.

Or maybe he would go pester him now while Maes was out of his office.

Yeah, that could work.

Coffee first though. Then pestering after.

With a plan formed in his mind, Maes entered the break room down the hall from his own office. Loitering around the room were familiar faces, particularly a couple of men from his own team who were chatting next to the coffee machine. They seemed to be debating something and from the snippets he caught it sounded like gossip.

Maes grinned slyly. The men had yet to see him, making sneaking over to them simple. He was in Investigations after all. It was his job to be up on all the latest info including gossip. Turns out, a lot of the gossip around HQ had merit to it and Maes gladly used the information when needed.

Inching up right beside them, Maes whispered, "Whatchya guys talking about?"

"Lieutenant Colonel!" the soldiers flinched at his sudden appearance, the cups of coffee in their hands sloshing over the rim.

"A bit jumpy there, are we?" Maes observed, going to pour a cup for himself nonchalantly while the others recovered. Glorious caffeinated beverage in hand, Maes was ready to begin the grilling, "Mind telling me what you were talking about?"

Turns out they were more than happy to inform him. No grilling necessary. Too bad, Maes really did love a good interrogation.

"We were just talking about the bathroom girl," one of them said. His name was Randolph, a middle aged lieutenant. With his tall stature, bald head, and brooding expression he appeared intimidating. In reality he was quite the joker.

"A girl in a bathroom?" Maes questioned. "What's the big deal about that?"

The other man, Verrett, blinked at him, "You haven't heard of the bathroom girl?" Verrett was a sergeant; average height, smaller build, and shaggy light brown hair that always looked in need of a good trim. The man had a languid personality, was good at his job, and if Maes wasn't mistaken, Verrett was due for a promotion soon.

"Can't say I have. I've been cooped up in my office all day," Maes answered, sipping his coffee. Although he found the taste extremely lacking, the drink was just what he needed.

"Guess your office was spared then," Randolph mused, scratching his chin in amusement as he leaned back against the counter.

Maes sent him a puzzled stare and Verrett told him, "There's this odd girl, about fifteen years old, who's been seen all over HQ. She'll go walk right into any office, laugh about how it isn't the bathroom, and then walk right back out. Everyone's been seeing her since this morning."

"I saw her when I went to the cafeteria earlier. It was my second sighting," Randolph said in a conspiratorial tone. Then he smiled broadly, "She was being chased out of the kitchen with her mouth stuffed with food. I think I sprained my lung from laughing so hard."

"I heard someone say that she even walked in on the Fuhrer's meeting with his Generals."

"What's a kid doing wandering around here?" Maes asked. "Besides looking for a bathroom I mean."

"Maybe she's someone's daughter who works here," Verrett shrugged.

He frowned, "That's bad parenting, leaving their child unattended."

"It's funny as hell though," Randolph laughed.

"Speak of the devil and she shall appear," Verrett smiled, pointing towards the door.

Maes and Randolph turned to see a young, dark haired girl peek into the room. The three men watched in silence as she scanned the room and its occupants. Not finding what she was looking for, she sighed, "This isn't the bathroom." Then she stepped out, closing the door behind her.

"Well…" Maes said, at a loss for words.

"You'd think she would have found a bathroom by now," Randolph snickered.

Five seconds later the door slammed open.

"HUUUUUUGHES!"

The bathroom girl ran into the room, arms in the air in pure excitement as she barreled towards them. On instinct, Maes opened his arms to let the girl hug him.

Randolph and Verrett stared in shock at their superior officer.

"Uh…do you know her?" Verrett asked Maes.

The bespectacled man just hugged the girl tighter and grinned hugely, "Nope!"

The two men sweat dropped.

The girl pulled away from him and glanced up at him happily, "You have no idea how glad I am to run into you!"

Maes couldn't help but smile back at the adorable girl, "Why? Need help finding a bathroom?"

"Oh, that. No, but if you could show me how to get to Mustang's office I would be eternally grateful."

Now what could she want with the Flame Alchemist? This should be interesting.

"Sure, no problem!" Maes patted her on the shoulder and led her out of the break room, waving goodbye to the others who were still staring at him and the bathroom girl in bewilderment.

"You know, you guys should really set up maps around this place. This building is like a freaking maze," the girl chatted, swinging her arms back and forth as she walked down the hall beside him.

"I'll get right on that," Maes laughed. "So what's your name?"

"Oh, it's Ana Lopez."

"Is Ana short for Annabelle?"

"Nope. It's straight up Ana."

"Alright, straight up Ana it is then. Now, want to tell me how you know me?"

"Oh…" she said, as if she had missed something very important. She bit her lip and started talking a little too fast, "I know you because of the Elric brothers. I met them awhile back and they mentioned you."

It was an obvious lie. Maes wondered why she would need to lie about such a thing as knowing his identity.

This girl suddenly became ten times more interesting.

Deciding to let that slide for now, he asked, "So Ana, what business do you have with Roy Boy?"

"I'm his long lost daughter."

Tears practically streaming down his face, he said dramatically, "_What?!_ Roy never told me about this! And here I thought I was his best friend, his loyal confidant!"

"I'm kidding. I'm not his child," Ana laughed at her prank.

"…so you had me worried over nothing? And here you looked like such a sweet little girl."

Ana smirked, "That's what they all say before they run screaming for their lives." From her tone, she was obviously joking…or so he thought.

"So what are you really here for?" Would she lie about this as well?

"I need to get in touch with Ed and Al. Mustang's Ed's commanding officer, right? I thought he might know where they are."

Maes couldn't detect anything but the truth, leaving him to wonder yet again why she had lied to him earlier. "Why are you looking for them? If you don't mind me asking."

"It's about alchemy related…stuff," she answered vaguely.

"Want to elaborate on that?"

"Not really."

Maes smiled. Looks like he'd get his chance to grill someone after all.

* * *

**Oh, this chapter was a barrel of fun. And it's just going to keep getting better and better!**

**CONFESSION TIME! I made those OC soldiers, Randolph and Verrett, with the full intention of them being no name characters. But that didn't make sense because Hughes would have known their names, so I went looking for names I could use (since I'm pretty bad at coming up with my own). I got Randolph's name from a reviewer, RoseblossomWarrior who said she had a pet rock named Randolph. Verrett came from some guy I went to junior high with. Maybe they'll make another appearance later on. Maybe not. Ana would probably want me to bring them back just so I can kill them off. She's such a little sadist.**

**So you guys have seen what Ana's personality is like so far. How do you think things are gonna go down when she meets Mustang and his crew? I wanna hear your guesses!**

**Thanks for all of the reviews and favs! I'll try my hardest to get the next chapter out by next weekend. See you guys then!**


	4. Life Lesson 4

**Life Lesson #4**

**Always tell the truth…or as much of it as you can**

(-Ana-)

_For the love of God, please shut up,_ Ana begged in the safety of her mind. Don't get her wrong, Hughes was one of her favorite characters- er, people- from the show. Now, if the guy would just stop _asking her every question known to man_ then she'd be a happy camper and wouldn't have to shove her sock down his throat...because she would. She really would.

"So you're here in Central alone?"

"Yep."

"And do your parents know this?"

"Nope."

"Where are they?"

"Back home."

"Where's home?"

"A small town called Sibley."

"Where's that?"

"Way too far away for my liking."

"And the alchemy related stuff?" This was a question he kept coming back to. And to be honest, Ana's resolve was wavering. She'd love nothing more right now than to spill her guts and not think twice about the consequences, except Hughes would probably take her to the loony bin. However, Ana's plan was to go home, right? The truth, or most of it at least, would have to come out really soon. Ed and Al couldn't send her home if they didn't know where 'home' was.

"Why does this have to be so difficult?" Ana moaned, suddenly finding herself banging her head on the wall of the hallway they were walking through. She frowned at the paint on the wall, a light color that didn't know whether it wanted to be gray or blue. Regardless, it was hideous.

Hughes slid right up next to her, "It's not that difficult. All you have to do is tell me all of your life's secrets."

"You make it sound so easy."

"Now why wouldn't it be? Unless…," he leaned his back against the wall, crossed his arms, and looked down at Ana, his glasses doing that weird shine thing where his eyes were hidden, "you really do have something to hide."

Ana stopped banging her head on the wall. It occurred to her that asking for Hughes's help may not have been the best of ideas. She had forgotten how smart the man could be.

"I'll take that as a yes," Hughes hummed. "Now, what I want to know is why you would lie about something as simple as knowing me? And why would you be forthcoming with information such as your name but not why you need to see the Elric brothers?"

In hindsight, a proper plan beyond the simple task of finding Ed and Al would have been a good idea. Now she stood here, uncertain of what she'd say to them, to Mustang, to Hughes, to freaking fictional characters who weren't supposed to be real but were. It struck her again how unbelievable, yet undeniably _real_ this place was. It was in her face and ever since she acknowledged it, she couldn't look away. It made her question what else was real, if the contents of the anime had already taken place or would in the near future. Or was she trapped in the middle of this story?

_What am I even doing here, _she asked herself. _Why me? Why now? _

"Ana?" Hughes asked her, more gently this time. He must have noticed her impending depression. It skirted on the edge, threatening to drag her down with razor sharp teeth and claws and devour her whole. It wouldn't take much for Ana to be a blubbering, crying mess.

Ana shook herself, pulling away from that direction. She thought fiercely, _Ain't nobody got time for that!_

She turned to Hughes, holding herself haughtily and ready to tell him that it was classified information or some other bogus crap.

Then she saw the genuine worry in his green eyes, the downright fatherly concern he felt for her and had no qualms in displaying for her to see.

Ana deflated faster than a popped balloon. Shivering with insecurity, Ana averted her eyes to the ground, "I never asked for this."

"Asked for what?" he questioned, encouraging her by laying a comforting hand on her shoulder. It made Ana fiercely yearn for her own dad, to curl up in his protective embrace and cry.

Ana bit her lip, refusing to cry even when her voice sounded close to breaking, "For _this_! To be _here_. I just wanna go home." She hated how much like a child she sounded, but she couldn't stop the flow of words. "All I want is to go home, and that's the truest thing I could tell you."

Hughes began to rub soothing circles in her back, bending slightly to hear her words that had become softer with emotion, "Then why are you here? Why don't you go home?"

"Because I _can't_. That's why I need to see Ed and Al. There's no way I could go home without their help. They're…they're the only ones who would believe me and help me get back."

"That hurts. You don't think I'd help you?" Hughes pouted, trying to make her smile.

Ana gave a small, hysterical giggle, "You're a nice guy Hughes, but…" Damn, how could she explain it right?

"This is the 'alchemy related stuff', I take it?"

"Yeah. I'm not one hundred percent positive, but I'm pretty sure that alchemy would be the only way for me to get back home. And I'll tell you why, but I'd rather wait to where I can tell Ed and Al at the same time too. I'm not sure how much sense it'd make to you. It doesn't make much sense to even _me_."

"Oh, so now you're trying to bribe me," Hughes grinned.

"I wouldn't call it bribing. More like you help me and then I'll stop being all suspicious and tell it to you straight."

"Good, because you do realize how suspicious you sound right now, don't you?"

Ana shrugged, "If that's what it takes for me to get the hell outta dodge, then I'm cool with that. Besides, this conversation wouldn't go so well in the middle of the hallway. I don't want the wrong person to hear me and try to kidnap or kill me." Imagine what would happen if someone overheard her talking about the Homunculi or human transmutation? Or if she admitted to knowing that the Fuhrer was a homunculus? That would not go well, not that she intended telling them those important facts if they didn't know them already. Wasn't there some rules for going to the past where you weren't supposed to change important events because it could make things worse? That's what Ana was going by for this situation, although she was not averse to doing whatever it took to get back home.

Taken aback, Hughes's gaze sharpened, "You know information that could warrant such a reaction?"

Ana grimaced, "Let's just say that I know _a lot_ more than your name, Hughes." Oh great, now he was looking at her like she was an unstable person with a gun. "What? _What?_ Don't give me that look. It's not like I asked for this! It's not my fault! _I'm _the victim here. I'm just a random fourteen-year-old half Mexican child that life decided to screw over. Now if you'll excuse me I've got major important stuff to do."

Then she resumed her earlier head-banging session, this time with more vigor.

Hughes scratched at his head, "Oh boy, I can already tell you're gonna be a handful."

"I'm not that bad of a person," Ana sulked. "Okay, I might have tossed my cat in a pool one time, but that's not so bad." She paused to see Hughes giving her a bewildered stare. "What? The cat was looking at me the wrong way. What else was I supposed to do?"

The dark haired man shook his head with a chuckle. Then he grabbed her wrist and began marching down the hallway, "Come on. Let's go see Roy so we can get to the bottom of this."

Ana blinked as she let herself be dragged along. Then she smiled, "You know Hughes, for a fictional character you're pretty awesome."

He sent her an odd glance over his shoulder, "…should I take that as a compliment?"

"Yes, yes you should. Ana the Great has just called you awesome. You should count yourself lucky."

Hughes snorted, "Aren't you a cocky one? Something tells me that you'll get along swell with Roy."

_Several turns and many halls later…_

"So this is where the office was hiding," Ana accused as they came upon the right door.

Hughes hid a smile of amusement, "As far as I know, offices don't hide."

"From me they do," she replied dryly. They were on the third floor now, meaning Ana could pat herself on the back for assuming right in that it wouldn't be on the first floor… And against her better judgment, she had detoured down to the first floor to make sure she hadn't missed it. That was when she had found the cafeteria. Remind her to never cross a cafeteria lady again. Not one that wields rolling pins of justice. She nearly _died_. And over a burrito!

Hughes entered the room, Ana following close behind. She surveyed the new area, finding familiar faces made real right before her eyes. All the members of Mustang's team were present, save for Mustang himself. She guessed that he had an interior office, probably that closed door right over there. Should she storm the front gate or take a more subtle approach? Doors were optional anyway. Windows were much more fun. Imagine his reaction to her popping in from the window… Oh crap, third story office. And she had forgotten her grappling hook at home. Darn.

"That's her!"

"Huh?" Ana tuned back into the present. Havoc stood behind a desk, pointing a finger at Ana. Everyone else remained seated at their respective desks, their eyes trained on Ana as well. Their stares made her uneasy…

"See, I told you it was true," Havoc told his coworkers victoriously.

"What are they talking about?" Hughes asked her.

She shrugged, "Beats me."

Falman stood, his narrow eyes giving her the once over, "You're the bathroom girl?"

"…if I say yes, do I get a cookie?"

He frowned, "No…"

"Hell, _I'll_ give you a cookie just to prove my point," Havoc said in exasperation.

"Yay!" Ana cried in joy, running to hug the blonde man.

He stared down in surprise at the young girl who had her arms wrapped around his torso. "Um, I didn't say hugs were included, but okay," he awkwardly patted her head.

And then she realized what she was doing.

She was hugging...a person who might as well be a stranger…and she had done the same thing to Hughes…

_I'm turning into one of _them_…a hugger_.

No, that couldn't be it. She chalked it up to the fact that these were some of her favorite, lovable characters- er, people. And one of them had promised her a cookie. A _cookie_. Hugs were mandatory.

Reassured, Ana pulled back and smiled up at Havoc who seemed a bit lost on what to do next.

Fuery came to stand next to them, glancing between the two while talking to Havoc, "Sorry we didn't believe you. You have to admit, it was a pretty odd rumor."

"And it is Havoc who's telling us," Breda remarked.

Offended, Havoc chewed on his cigarette grumpily, "What's that supposed to mean, Breda? I wasn't the only one who saw her. Everyone else has been seeing her too."

"Except us. And how do we know this isn't just a random girl you're claiming to be her? She didn't say anything when she walked in like they've been saying she does."

"I'm so confused," Ana muttered from the sidelines, watching them go back and forth. She had the sneaking suspicion they were talking about her. Now if only she knew what they meant.

"I can help you there," Hughes smiled, patting her shoulder. "They're talking about the legendary bathroom girl and from what I can tell no one believed Havoc when he said he saw her, or you rather."

Hawkeye, who had been silent during the entire exchange, entered the conversation, "Where did you find today's rumor, Lieutenant Colonel?"

"I didn't! She found me! I was in the break room when she came in looking for the bathroom."

"See!" Havoc hissed at his fellow soldiers, pointing at Ana again.

"We can't ignore the evidence," said Falman.

"Guess we believe you," Breda shrugged.

A little slow to catch on, Ana asked, "People have been talking about me?"

Hughes chuckled, "You've been making a scene throughout headquarters. Of course people are talking about you."

A slow grin enveloped her face, "Sweet baby Jesus, I'm famous." Then she turned to Havoc and held out her hand expectantly, "I'd like my cookie now please."

"What, you think I carry cookies on my person?"

"Why not. I carry rocks on mine," she replied, pulling out Michelangelo and holding him up for everyone to see.

For a moment, they all stared.

"…why does that rock have a face on it?" Fuery finally asked, weirded out.

"To give him more character," Ana nodded solemnly.

"…did you just refer to the rock as a 'he'?" Havoc asked.

"Yeah! He's my pet rock, Michelangelo."

"…that's creepy."

"Your face is creepy."

Laughter filled the room at Havoc's expense. Before Havoc could get too grumpy about it, Hughes declared that it was time to pay a visit to the colonel. The others didn't pay much attention to the man as he and Ana approached the interior office's door. Their jaws did drop however when Hughes slammed the door open and shouted loudly, "Roy! I found your long lost daughter!"

Inside the room at his desk, Mustang coughed in alarm from the drink of coffee he had just taken. Ana didn't know whether it was because Hughes had startled him or what the man had said to make Mustang choke. Probably both.

"My _what_?!" Mustang sputtered.

Going with the flow, Ana declared loudly, "Father Roy!" The man had yet to regain his composure when Ana ran in and glomped him. The force of her tackle hug sent the desk chair rolling rapidly across the room where it toppled over when it hit the wall, sending both passengers onto the floor in a graceless heap as they both gave manly shrieks of manliness. And the sad part was that Ana was pretty sure her shriek sounded manlier.

Vision swimming, Ana thought, _Maybe I should have thought that through._ Saying the landing had been rough would be an understatement. Luckily Mustang softened the fall. Oh yeah, she was still laying on him. Man did he look pissed. Damn, did he have his handy dandy gloves on? Please tell her barbequed Ana was not on the menu.

With exaggerated calm, Mustang lifted the teenager off of himself until they were both standing. Ana held her breath, waiting for him to say something. The colonel's dark gaze went from Ana to the broken remains of his desk chair.

"…you killed my chair," Mustang observed, his tone clipped.

Ana nodded gravely, "It was a sacrifice I was willing to make."

"Enlighten me as to why you tackled me," he demanded in a low voice that left no room for argument.

Ana cocked her head to the side, staring at the dead chair thoughtfully, "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

A blood vessel throbbed in Mustang's forehead. He sent a glare over Ana's shoulder. She turned to see Hughes trying desperately to smother his snickers while Mustang's team was gawking in the doorway at them. Well, except for Hawkeye. She stood there, watching them all with the smallest of smiles on her face. Either she found this situation somewhat funny or she had already devised twenty ways on how to kill every person in the room.

"The bathroom girl is your daughter?" Breda asked skeptically.

"You're really a father? That's great, Colonel!" Fuery complimented.

"If you've got a kid then why do you keep stealing all of my girlfriends?" Havoc cried.

"Can't steal what you never had," Breda laughed. "Besides, didn't you hear the Lieutenant Colonel? It's his long lost daughter. He didn't know he was a dad."

"Considering the amount of women the colonel dates, it was bound to result in a child," Falman observed.

Mustang couldn't take anymore, "Would you idiots shut up! I am _not_ a father! Don't you think I would have known if I was?"

"Not necessarily," Ana refuted. Getting really into the joke, she explained to their audience in a dramatic tone, "It was a dreary day in the year 1899 when a young Roy Mustang happened upon an out of the way house. He took shelter there from the pouring rain and soon after, him and the young lady of the house shared a passionate night. He left, never to be seen again. That lady was my mother and nine months later she pooped me out."

Breda snorted, "Kid, you don't poop babies out. You birth them."

Ana shrugged, "Same difference. Giving birth is like trying to poop out one big turd."

"…did you just compare yourself to fickle matter?" Falman asked, his face pinched in slight disgust.

"Wait, let me back up," Ana said, trying to change what she said.

"Enough," Mustang commanded. "For the last time, I am not a father. I am however a very busy man so if none of you have any urgent business with me then I'm afraid you'll have to leave. _Now_."

"Come on Roy, don't be that way," Hughes grinned. "That's the most fun I've had all week!" Mustang looked ready to bite Hughes's head off, so he quickly added, "And I actually do have some urgent business to discuss with you. It seems like you'll have to put up with me a little longer."

Mustang frowned, eyeing his friend with more attention now. Hughes gave a subtle jerk of the head in Ana's direction. The colonel glanced down at Ana and she smiled up at him with a wave. A gloved hand came up to pinch the bridge of his nose, "Very well. The rest of you get back to work."

Against their protests, Hawkeye shut the door to give them some privacy. That left the three of them in peace.

Without a proper seat, Mustang made do with the desk itself. He perched on the end, facing the both of them, and launched straight to the point, "Who is this girl really? And don't give me that story about how she's my long lost daughter."

Hughes's lips twitched and Ana outright smiled. He gestured for her to introduce herself so she did, "My name's Ana Lopez."

"And your purpose here?"

To become a Pokémon master. Duh. "To find Ed and Al."

His brows furrowed slightly, "Fullmetal?"

Ana nodded, flopping on the couch. This could take a while. Might as well make herself comfy.

"Ana says she needs their help," Hughes explained for her. He told Mustang the snippets of details Ana had revealed during their conversation in the hall. It took only a couple of minutes; just enough time for Ana's mind to wander. She considered how she would go about telling all these charact- damn it, people about…certain things. She'd have to tell them she was from the other side of the gate, and that she had no idea how she came to be here. She might need proof that she came from the other side (again, assuming that the worlds were really separated in that way). But simply knowing about the gate might be enough. Barely anyone knew about the gate unless they did human transmutation, right? Oh, and she'd have to explain how she knew them. No way would they believe that they were all just an anime/manga from her world. She'd have to come up with a good lie. Funny how she had to come up with a _lie_ because they would never believe the _truth_. The truth really was stranger than fiction.

Lack of any sound drew Ana's attention back to the soldiers. They were staring at her as if they were picking her apart in their minds.

"What?" Ana asked, blinking up at them in a clueless manner. Maybe she should have been paying attention…

"This information that's apparently worth killing over…" Mustang began, practically stroking his chin. Oh wait, he _was_ stroking his chin. She imagined his thoughts being,"Do I need a shave? Damn, forgot I was wearing gloves. I can't tell."

"Um…" Focus Ana. He's saying stuff, stuff you need to hear. It sounds important. Holy crap, did that bird just do a peck-by? That poor squirrel- Right, gotta listen. Stop looking out the window.

"How do I know you're not bluffing?"

"…what?" Ana asked, not sure she was following. The man's demeanor had changed. It was weird…like he was a cat playing with its food? Nah, that wasn't the right description. The bottom line was that something fishy was up with him.

"You could know nothing at all. After all, who would freely admit to such a thing?"

"Me. If you haven't noticed I'm not the brightest Crayola in the pack. I tend to go with the flow without thinking too much."

Mustang looked her over as if sizing her up, "What is it then? Military secrets? Do you plan to blackmail to get what you want?"

_Blackmail_? That escalated quickly.

"Whoa, just whoa," Ana said, holding up her hands in a non-threatening way. "I'm not here to do anything like that. I just want to get home and Ed and Al are the only ones who can help me."

"Why them? You mentioned that you needed alchemy to return home. Did it occur to you that I could assist you?"

Ana gave him a deadpan stare, "Yeah, but _would_ you?"

"That depends," he quipped. "I don't know why you would need alchemy to return home, but I am a talented alchemist in my own right. Give me more details on your situation and I _might_ be able to do something for you." Oh, he was _oozing_ confidence.

Ana rolled her eyes, "Thanks, but no thanks. You couldn't help me. I told you, only Ed and Al can."

"Why them?" Hughes asked, echoing Mustang's earlier question.

"Because they've done human transmutation."

Their reactions were instantaneous. They became rigid, their gazes hardening defensively. Both of them straightened and appeared to be five seconds away from going for their respective weapons. Mustang stood tall while Hughes subtly maneuvered himself between the door and Ana, taking away her only escape.

_What did I say? They look like they're gonna slice my throat and burn me alive. I only said Ed and Al did human transmutation! What's the big deal? It's not like it's some big…secret…oh shit, yeah it is. And I'm an outsider who happens to know about it. Me and my big fat mouth. They're gonna murder me!_

"How did you learn of this?" Mustang asked in a low, cold voice. "Who else knows this?"

Ana took back what she thought earlier. _Now_ things had escalated quickly.

More than a little intimidated, Ana answered honestly, "No one! Well, except you guys and the Rockbells. If anyone else knows, it's not because of me."

"It seems you do know too much for your own good," he observed. "Now answer my other question."

"Even if I told you, you wouldn't believe me. Ed and Al might not even believe me, but I'd still like them to be here to back up what I say."

"You're persistent, aren't you. Have you realized the predicament you're in? What makes you think I won't make you tell me? Or that I'll let you leave? I can't allow dangerous information about my subordinate to be leaked like that."

If anything, Mustang was protective and loyal to his team. It'd be suicide to make the wrong move. Ana had to be careful. He'd already threatened her, and although Hughes's face turned grim at the idea of forcing a young girl, he had yet to say anything against it. But…this was Mustang and Hughes! They were the awesome good guys!

"But you're the good guys," Ana said as if that explained everything.

An odd expression flitted across Mustang's features, but his cold mask stayed in place, "For people you don't know, you have a high opinion of us."

At this point, Ana just wanted to throw her hands up in surrender and shout, "Jesus take the wheel!" Because by now she had already crashed the car twenty times over. That wouldn't get her anywhere though so she tried to say what best came to mind, "But I _do_ know you guys. That's the problem! But it's not like I'm going to go running up and down the streets screaming about everything I know. I'm not stupid. That'd just cause unnecessary trouble for everyone and I don't want that. That's why I came to you guys. I knew you could help me and that I could trust you. And before you ask again, _no_, I can't tell you how I know until I see Al and Ed. But once they're here I promise to tell all of you everything."

The men were quiet for a time, considering her words carefully. Mustang's gaze flicked to Hughes and Hughes shrugged.

"Maybe we should cut her some slack," the bespectacled man suggested. "She _is_ just a girl."

"Fullmetal is just a boy and look at how much trouble he gets into on a daily basis," Mustang countered.

Taking that into consideration, Hughes eyed Ana for several moments. Hands on hips, he stated, "You lied to me earlier, about meeting the Elrics."

"Oh…," Ana muttered. He'd seen through that too? She needed to work on her acting skills.

Mustang jumped on board with Hughes's thinking, "Even if Edward and Alphonse were here, how do we know anything you say won't be lies?"

Ana thought for many seconds on what to say to get them to believe her. At this point they were going in an endless circle of mistrust. That wouldn't do at all. With a sigh, Ana opted for the truth, "I only said that so you wouldn't ask questions and so I could make it here. I told the Rockbells the same thing."

"…you've met them?" Mustang asked carefully.

"Yeah, I was in Resembool a couple of days ago. Why?"

"You could be lying about this as well."

This time, Ana did throw up her arms, "For gosh sakes, why would I lie about that? Call them if you want but they can tell you that I was there. I stopped in Resembool first to check if Ed and Al were there but I forgot they don't go back home often. Winry and Pinako were asking questions too so I needed a backstory and told them I knew the guys and was looking for them. Winry pretty much believed me…but now that I think about it Pinako didn't seem fully convinced."

"Smart woman," he mused, causing Ana to scowl. "I'll take you up on that offer." Before Ana could ask, "What offer?" Mustang had poked his head out the door to ask Hawkeye to get him…some file or other. She got that for him, he thanked her and closed the door, and then he returned to his desk. In no time at all he had found what he needed and began messing around with a bulky object on the desk... Holy hell, that was a _phone_! An old timey, ugly ass phone!

These poor deprived nineteenth hundreds people. They needed to hurry up and invent better technology.

"Good afternoon, Miss Rockbell," Mustang greeted into the receiver, all the while watching Ana to see her reaction, no doubt waiting for the moment she would begin sweating in apprehension.

Oh, that's what he meant. He didn't waste any time, that's for sure. The Flame Alchemist sat there talking to one of the Rockbell women, his lips itching to twist into a smug smile when he revealed all of Ana's dastardly lies. Good thing she had been telling the truth. The one wearing the smug smile would be her.

Mustang stated his name, and once the pleasantries were aside he got down to business, "I'm calling to inquire about a girl named Ana Lopez. She claims she was there in Resembool a couple of days ago."

Ana sighed heavily, flopping back to lie on the couch. Her head hung from the couch arm, giving her a view of an upside down Hughes.

"You don't seem nervous at all," Hughes commented, his voice kept quiet on account of Mustang being on the phone.

She shrugged, her new position on the couch making it awkward, "There's no reason to be. I already told ya'll everything I can for now. Wait…yeah, I think I've told you everything. I don't see why you guys can't just call Ed and Al already. Why do ya'll have to make things harder than they should be?"

Hughes came to lean on the back of the couch, no longer blocking a path to the door. This didn't mean he hadn't let his guard down. No, he could very easily stop Ana if she bolted. So easily in fact that the idea of making a run for it had never crossed her mind. Even if she could…where would she go?

"Roy's been looking out for those boys for years now, whether they know it at times or not. He's just being careful. He'll do everything he can to keep them from getting hurt." He turned his gaze from Mustang onto her, pinning her in place, "And so will I."

Her lips twitched upward, "Alright. I can respect that." Settling more comfortably on the couch, she watched and waited for Mustang to finish his pointless phone call.

"Thank you. Have a pleasant evening," the man spoke into the phone and hung it up. His gaze had not once let up on Ana during the entire call. "Tell me more about Arcadia."

Okay, maybe not so pointless after all. In her defense though, she had forgotten to mention Arcadia. It wasn't like it was a big deal, unlike how Mustang viewed it. He was looking at her like he had won the freaking lottery.

"I knew I was forgetting something," she mumbled loudly, sitting up on the couch. "Nothing happened for the most part. It's just the place I woke up."

"Woke up?" Hughes repeated while Mustang's eyes narrowed.

"Yeah. One minute I was home, or I think I was at home, and then the next thing I know I'm waking up in the mine. I thought I was kidnapped at first, but no one was around. And who just kidnaps young girls and dumps them in mines?" Not to mention that they'd have to jump through worlds. That didn't explain why they kidnapped _her_. Or…maybe they didn't take only her… What if there were others and they had been left in other places?

Or Ana would like to think so. It would mean that she wasn't so alone, being the only outsider in a foreign world.

"You think you were at home?" Hughes caught that important bit.

"That's the weirdest part, I don't remember. I've tried to remember the last thing I was doing, if I had been home or if I had went to school or something else, but no matter how hard I try to remember, it's all a blur. All I know is that I somehow got from Sibley to Arcadia about a week ago, which should be impossible."

"Why would that be impossible?" Mustang pressed, seeking to gain more details, anything he could use against Ana. He was just so gung-ho to make Ana be the bad guy. He needed to calm his tits.

"If you let me talk to Ed and Al I can tell you," Ana bargained, causing his expression to harden. He obviously didn't like her trying to make a deal with him, the stupid control freak.

This wouldn't do at all. Ana needed friends, not enemies. She began again in a more agreeable tone, "Please Mustang. I don't have anyone else I can go to. I need to get home. My parents are probably worried about me." She even tried giving him her best puppy dog eyes. They probably wouldn't work against someone like him but they couldn't hurt.

Contemplation pinched Mustang's features. Shoulders taut, he sent furtive glances to Hughes. Ana didn't know what message Hughes sent, her attention focused solely on the man who decided her fate. It was _her_ turn for the intense stare down.

"I'll contact Fullmetal," he at long last decided. "I'll discuss the situation with him and let you know. If we're all in agreement, then you can have your meeting. However, you _will_ tell me what I want to know then." He sounded so cool and collected now that he was completely in control of the situation. Ana couldn't care less that he had the upper hand. He had more or less agreed and that was something worth dancing for.

"Sweet buttery Jesus!" Ana shouted with all of the enthusiasm of a fourteen-year-old girl, jumping up to do the cabbage patch. "Thank you, Father Roy!"

His eye twitched, "Don't start that again." Straightening his posture, he added, "Also, you'll be under the watch of me and my men at all times. Is that clear?" He was waiting, practically _smirking_, for Ana's excitement to die down at the news. This had to put a dent in Ana's evil plans of mass destruction.

Nope. Her jovial attitude could not be tamed. "Okey dokey!"

Mustang's face fell, a frown forming, "Are you that confident?"

"Confident in what?" she asked without stopping her cabbage patch, not catching on to his question in her happy state. His eyes assessed her, looking for something unknown to Ana. She brushed it off and spun around to the door to strike a pose with her pointer finger raised skyward. "With that taken care of, now I can force Havoc to make good on his cookie promise."

Ana sauntered over to the door, noting how Hughes moved to follow after her. They were serious about that 'keeping her under watch' thing, not that Ana minded. Ed and Al would (hopefully!) be there soon, and Ana didn't have much to hide anyway. Being watched over by some cool charact- son of a bitch, _people_ would be no problem! She was here, things were falling into place, and maybe, _just maybe_, life didn't hate her as much as she thought.

The moment Ana's fingertips brushed the doorknob, the door came flying open, hitting her square in the face with a resounding _thud_. The force sent her to the floor where she landed roughly on her rump. The flaring pain in her nose and forehead had her clutching her face, tiny whimpers escaping her clenched teeth.

_I should have knocked on some motherfucking wood. Life, you bastard, I don't know what I did to you before to make you hate me so, but I will _give_ you many more reasons. Mark my words, I will find you and I will cut you, I will make you bleed, I will rip out your intestines and strangle you with them and then I'll stab your eyes out with a spork and-_

"Oi, Colonel! I'm back," a familiar voice announced, causing Ana's murderous thoughts to come to a halt. Her tear filled eyes of pain squinted up to see a flurry of red, black, and gold enter the room. The person had not seen Ana sprawled on the floor behind the door, nor Hughes who had jumped back by the wall in surprise when the door had been rudely kicked open. He continued forward, stopping by the coffee table to face Mustang and he _still_ had not noticed Ana on the floor…in pain…with a broken face…

Mustang bowed his head, covering his face with a gloved hand because his plan had been completely ruined. "Why Fullmetal? Why?"

* * *

**Yeah, I just left it off there. Yeah, you have permission to brutally maim me. But be warned, I have a sadistic fourteen year old half Mexican sister who knows karate!**

**This would have been updated so much sooner, but Mustang is such a pain to write! It's so hard to get into his mind! Ugh! *bangs head on wall repeatedly* Despite that, I think this chapter was done well. I tried to make things hard on Ana and not just have her come in and say, "I need to see Ed and Al," and then Mustang do his gay hand wave thing and be like, "Okay!" Most OC stories have where the OC gets together splendidly with the FMA crew. That'll happen...sort of...but not for awhile. It'll be a rocky road.**

**I'll go ahead and tell you guys now that I'm basing most of this off of Brotherhood with only some minor things from the original anime, like Hughes having met Ed and Al when Ed first joined the military instead of in Brotherhood where he meets them right before they go to Liore. I'd tell you guys where in the show this story takes place but you'll find out anyway pretty soon. So never fear my furry friends!**

**Ana and I would like to thank all the readers and reviewers! I swear, she's even more giddy than I am when she's reading the reviews. Keep showing the love to keep me motivated! Seriously, I could use something to sing about because I've been having a bad few days. My internet is down (so I'm at my dad's) and I was almost raped in my sleep the other night by a freaky rat/roach chimera! _It crawled into bed with me and TOUCHED me._ ****So glad I'm not at my house right now. Speaking of rape, someone pointed out how in the last chapter Ana made a comment about how she would rape the Naruto characters and they said it could offend some people. I understand that rape is a sensitive topic, I completely agree, but that's just how Ana talks. She in no way seriously means she's gonna rape someone. It's like her way of saying someone is hot. Eh, she'll probably have to explain to Ed and Al about this more anyway. That'll be priceless.**


	5. Life Lesson 5

**Life Lesson #5**

**Nice Guys Finish First**

(-Ana-)

"Why, Fullmetal? Why?"

Ana could not see his face but she would have bet money that the blonde wore a bewildered expression. "Why what?" Edward freaking Elric asked in an, "Are you crazy?" sort of tone.

And he had _still_ not seen her.

Murderous intentions surged inside of Ana, _Main character status be damned! He will pay for the damage he has wrought! I am gonna open up a can of whoop-ass on this bitch!_

Growling and steaming profusely, Ana rose to her feet. She didn't take shit sitting down. Or standing up. Or in any position! So you know what she did? She marched right up to that red-coated ass.

"Excuse me," she huffed icily, thunder clouds of anger tumbling around her.

Edward spun around quickly, slightly startled that there were more people in the room, "Huh? How long have you been there?"

"Long enough for you to kick the door in my _face_," she spoke in a deceptively calm manner, striving for patience. She didn't want to alert her prey before she struck. His screams of agony would be that much sweeter with surprise on her side.

"I…" he began, confusion marring his features as he glanced between the door and her red face (briefly sparring Hughes a glance but mostly staring at Ana's sure to be bloody nose). His eyes widened and he blinked, "I did that?"

Ana's gaze was inadvertently drawn to Edward's eyes. Unexpectedly, her fury left her in a rush and all she could do was stare with her mouth slightly open.

His eyes…they were gold…like, legit gold. Not by contacts, but really and truly gold. Holy shit, they were _gold_! Sure, Ana had seen many episodes of FMA, but nothing could compare to the real thing. _Gold_. And you'd think they'd be creepy and demonic in real life but no, they were unbelievably pretty. _Gold_. So many hues were set in the iris, making his fiery eyes look like sunsets. _Gold. _Not to mention they were framed perfectly by to-die-for hair. _Gold, gold, GOLD!_

Ana's heart melted inside of her chest with love and affection, that same feeling you get when a puppy is looking at you and it cocks its head and whines in the most adorable way that makes you want to hug them.

"Can I hug you?" Ana asked abruptly, shame at potentially being a hugger completely forgotten in the face of those gorgeous eyes. Hot damn, Ed would make the cutest puppy ever.

Her question received immediate results. Edward hopped back a step, embarrassment flushing his cheeks, "_What?!_"

Mustang snorted, "Why couldn't you have asked _me_ first before you tackled me?"

Ana closed her eyes and smiled, the picture of innocence, "Because you're my father, silly. I don't need permission to hug you."

Just as the words had left her mouth, a giant suit of armor had walked in. Three guesses as to who that was. Having heard Ana's proclamation, Alphonse's young voice echoed out of the armor in a gasp, "I didn't know you had a daughter, Colonel!"

Ed's head whipped around so fast his neck popped. He stared at Mustang half incredulously, half horrified, "Since when did _you_ procreate?"

"I told you to give it a rest! I'm not your father!" the Flame Alchemist seethed, totally losing his cool. The buffoon actually thought he could deny her. No one could deny Ana. She would have told him so herself if she hadn't been distracted by Alphonse. Mother of God, no wonder people called Ed small all the time. Even full grown men like Hughes and Mustang would be considered small next to him.

"You're big and shiny," Ana told him matter-of-factly. "I likey."

"Ummm, thank you?" Al ventured, turning his helmet and cool glowy eyes at her. Noticing the imprint on her face left by the door, Al said fretfully, "Your face! You're bleeding!"

Ana touched her nose gingerly, fingers coming away with blood. She really was bleeding! What the hell?!

Hughes patted her shoulder, a teasing grin on his face, "What happened to you 'opening a can of whoop-ass' on Edward for hurting you?"

The frack?! Since when was Hughes a mind reader? What kind of freaky shit was this? Oh never mind…she had probably muttered all of her thoughts out loud. She tended to do that sometimes. And Hughes had been close enough to overhear her. Man, he needed to stop scaring her like that. For a second there, he had her going.

"Brother! You did this to her?!" Al demanded of his brother. "How could you?!"

Ed sputtered, waving his arms about, "It was an _accident_! I didn't mean to!"

"Yeah, an accident you haven't even apologized for," Ana scowled, leaning her head back to stop the bleeding.

"_Brother!_"

"Don't 'brother' me! I haven't gotten a chance to apologize! Even _I_ have the decency to say I'm sorry for dooring a random girl's face in."

"Then apologize already!"

"Fine!" Ed yelled back, turning to Ana. The frustration that had dragged his face down slipped away. "I'm sorry about your face." True, it could have been said better, but his tone rang with sincerity….and he was looking at her with those gold eyes again. Did she mention they were _gold_?

Damn it, she couldn't do it.

"…consider yourself spared," Ana finally said with great reluctance. The Fullmetal Alchemist would keep his life, but she sure as hell better get that hug.

Before she could repeat the hug question, someone else tapped her on the shoulder. Ana stared at the tissue being held in front of her face and took it to see Hawkeye standing there. Well, the door _had_ been left wide open and it's not like they were being quiet. She obviously had overheard.

"Thank you, Momma Riza," Ana told her, making the woman raise a brow.

"Just apply adequate pressure to stop the bleeding," she said before departing back to her station, closing the door behind her. Was it Ana or was there a trace of a smile?

"The Lieutenant's your mom?" Ed asked skeptically, scanning Ana over and not finding any similarities.

"No, she is not," Mustang answered, that throbbing blood vessel in his forehead returning with a vengeance. "Miss Lopez, you need to stop declaring everyone as your parents."

Never the most mature, Ana stuck her tongue out at him, "I see how it is. Fine then, you'd make a crappy dad anyway. Hughes makes a much better dad. Right, Daddy Hughes!" She looked up to said man with her sparkling doe eyes. Sure enough, he couldn't resist her cuteness.

Squirming in place, Hughes cooed, "Aw, of course! You're about as cute as a button!"

"Don't encourage her, Hughes!" Mustang barked.

"Why must you spoil all of my fun?" Hughes pouted.

"I don't have time for this nonsense."

"Or maybe you're just jealous that your long lost daughter chose me over you," Hughes whispered loudly, hardly holding back a grin.

Turns out, Mustang _was_ wearing his ignition gloves. Annnnd, Hughes had just snapped the last of his patience.

Mustang snapped his fingers, a line of flame arcing towards his friend. Surely it wasn't a true attack and more of a scare tactic. Nonetheless, Hughes scrambled out of the way…which left Ana staring stupidly as the flame whizzed past her face…and it should have been impossible, because Mustang had to have had perfect control of his alchemy and would have the sense to keep his fire from touching Hughes or Ana…but sparks crackled in the air, somehow attracted to Ana and the tissue in her hand. And bizarrely enough, as Ana squeaked in terror and went to drop the tissue, her jacket sleeve caught on fire.

"AHHHH! I'M ON FIRE! I'M ON FIRE! I'M ON FIRE!" Ana shrieked over and over, flailing her arms about.

"Oh no!"

"Someone put it out!"

"Hurry!"

"Damn it!"

It all happened so fast. One second Ana stood there on fire and panicking, the next Ed had slid out of his red trench coat and tackled Ana with it to the ground, smothering the flames. In the back of her mind, Ana snickered, _Does he always have to play the hero?_ But for the most part she was thinking, _Oh my dear sweet lord, I nearly DIED!_

"You okay?" Hughes asked her anxiously, hovering beside Ed and checking Ana's arm as the blonde lifted his coat to assess the damage.

Her nerves frazzled, Ana lay sprawled on the floor and answered uncertainly, "Were those the flames of Hell?"

Ed snorted, "Might as well have been."

Ana nodded, taking that as a confirmation. She continued to lay there on the floor, letting her heartbeat return to normal. She had just had a near death experience. So yes, lying on the floor sounded lovely.

"Looks like you're gonna live, kid," Hughes told her after assessing the damage. "The worst of it is just a minor burn on your forearm. No casualties other than your jacket."

"And mine," Ed frowned, examining the interior side of his coat. Great, Ana just had a brush with death and he was worried about his precious coat. Way to make a girl feel special, Edward.

"Are you alright?" Alphonse asked in concern from behind his brother. See! Now there's a guy with compassion!

"Yeah, I think I'll be okay. Thanks for asking," she replied a bit shakily.

Apparently Edward had decided his coat would live to see another day and could therefore focus back on Ana, "Well, as first encounters go, this has got to be on the top of the list as the strangest… And we haven't even properly introduced ourselves."

"I'd be happy to introduce myself…as soon as you get off me."

Ed's face remained blank for a full two seconds until he fully comprehended that he was still kneeling over Ana, preventing her from sitting up. He hopped up in a flash, face reddening and gold eyes looking anywhere but at Ana. Hughes helped Ana stand as Ed appeared to be trying to break the embarrassing silence with a different topic. His target was a predictable one.

"Mustang! What the hell was that about?" he asked, miffed at his commanding officer for starting the whole mess.

Mustang stood there, looking paler than usual, his arms hanging by his sides as he stared blankly at Ana, "That…was not supposed to happen like that."

"You picked a bad time to lose control of your flames," Hughes commented, giving his friend a look similar to a parent scolding their child. Except Mustang wasn't his child… Man child? Man baby? MAN BABY!

The colonel's brows furrowed, "No, I controlled my alchemy. I missed on purpose."

"You call _this_ a miss?" Ana asked, gesturing to her arm. It stung like a mother trucker and she wanted nothing more than to run it under a faucet of cold water.

"You shouldn't have caught on fire in the first place. It was like…the fire was drawn to you."

Ana slumped, "Well shit. I knew I was hot, but this is taking it too far."

"The fire was drawn to her?" Ed repeated. "Get real, Mustang-"

"No, no. He's right," Ana stopped him. "It makes perfect sense."

"How does that make sense?" he challenged.

"Because life hates me," she nodded somberly, accepting this as a fact of the world. In the last five minutes she'd gotten a door to the face and been set on fire. Obviously, someone out there didn't like her very much.

Ed gave her an odd look, "And Al calls _me_ a pessimist."

She shrugged and stuck out her hand (her left one, as her right one hurt), "Hi, my name's Ana Lopez. Pleased to meet you."

He took her offered hand in a firm grip, "I'm Edward Elric."

"And I'm his brother, Alphonse," came Al's input.

"I know," Ana replied without thinking.

Ed's hand stiffened in hers, "…you do?"

Oh. Oh, damn it all, she needed to stop saying that and acting like a creeper when she met these people!

Then, like a ray of holy light shining down upon Ana's misfortunate slip up, a knock sounded at the door. Without waiting for the go-ahead, the door opened, revealing Hawkeye. Behind her, Ana could make out the faces of Mustang's team, all wearing varying expressions of curiosity and worry.

"I don't mean to interrupt but we heard screams…" the amber-eyed woman trailed off, expecting an answer.

"It's been taken care of," Mustang assured her, regaining his calm demeanor. "Although, Miss Lopez may need a bit of first aid."

Hawkeye's gaze fell on Ana and the girl raised her arm and pointed at her scorched sleeve. The woman then turned narrowed eyes on her superior, "How did this happen, sir?"

Ana swore she saw Mustang swallow, though he kept a mean poker face, "A freak accident. Won't happen again."

After a long moment, she nodded, "Would you like me to tend to her? We have a first aid kit in the office."

"That'll do, pig. That'll do," Mustang said. …Okay, he didn't really say that but Ana could picture that in her mind. He said practically the same thing anyway. "While she's getting that treated, I'll inform the Elrics about her situation."

Ed and Al sent questioning stares Mustang's way. The man didn't say anything to them, simply gesturing for Ana to go with Hawkeye. Bad vibes reverberated inside of Ana. She just knew that once they were behind closed doors, Mustang would tell the brothers about her evil scheme to take over the country, one Amestrian at a time.

"Oh, and Lieutenant," Mustang called as Ana stopped beside the woman. "Keep a sharp eye on her."

Her gaze slipped over to Ana, keen eyes assessing her for a brief second. Then she nodded, "Yes sir."

Ana rolled her eyes. Seriously, she was just a fourteen-year-old girl! It wasn't like she was packing weapons of mass destruction on her person.

"Whatever Father Roy. Just remember to keep it in your pants," Ana told him cheerily, making all of the men (and she meant _all _of them) gape at her in shock. A smile curved on her lips, "Your gloves Roy. Keep your gloves in your pants. Don't want another 'freak accident' to happen."

Before the door closed behind them, Ana could see Mustang's face flicker in irritation while Hughes fought to keep in howls of laughter. See, this was why Hughes would make a much better dad for her. He got her.

Once the door was shut safely, Mustang's men snickered.

"You got balls, kid. Talking to the colonel like that," Breda complimented with a smirk. Hawkeye made no comment as she went to get the first aid kit out of a cabinet. Ana on the other hand smiled back, pleased with herself.

"Aren't you afraid of him? Most people are," Fuery commented in his quiet voice.

"Child please, he already tried to burn me alive. If I was scared I would have already jumped out the window by now," she said with her usual attitude.

"You do realize we're on the third floor, right?" Falman pointed out.

"YOLO." When that had no effect on them, she explained further, "I don't give a damn." She really, really didn't. Ana had been born with no sense of fear.

The door to the hallway opened and in walked Havoc, his arms filled with to-go cups of what she assumed was coffee. Strange, she hadn't noticed the chain smoker missing.

"Here ya go," he said, passing the cups out to everyone. His light blue eyes paused on Ana standing in the middle of the room, the cigarette in his mouth twitching when he noted Ana's scorched jacket sleeve, "….did I miss something?"

Ana grinned and answered in a low voice, "Roy likes it _kinky_."

Breda laughed with gusto, slapping his desk in delight as poor Fuery choked on his coffee. Falman turned away, hiding a smile.

Havoc looked like he didn't know whether to laugh or be annoyed Ana wasn't answering him honestly (though knowing Mustang, he probably _did_ like it kinky), "No seriously, what happened?"

"Freak accident," Hawkeye repeated her colonel's words, ushering for Ana to sit beside her desk as she took out some supplies from the kit she'd found. Ana complied, shrugging off the orange jacket in the process to let it hang on the back of her chair.

Havoc's brow rose, looking like he wanted more details. When Ana just stared at him, he sighed and handed her something, "Here's your cookie."

Ana's face lit up like a kid on Christmas as she took the peanut butter cookie. "EEEK!" she squealed, spazzing out and bouncing in her chair for a full five seconds before suddenly becoming utterly calm and nibbling the cookie like a squirrel.

"Okay then," Havoc snorted, having nothing to say to that odd display. He went to sit at his desk.

"Give me your arm," Hawkeye ordered gently, a smile sparkling in her eyes. She knew it! Not even Momma Riza could resist her cuteness!

Continuing to nibble on her tasty cookie, Ana let the lieutenant apply ointment on her arm. The small chatter between the men didn't interest her. The cookie was her sole reason of existence at this moment. The yummy goodness helped her to forget the stinging in her arm.

"Finished," Hawkeye tied a knot for the bandages. Then she promptly began to replace the items into the kit.

Ana swallowed down the last of her cookie, "Thanks, Momma Riza." The rest of the crew snapped their heads around like Ana was insane and about to get a bullet to the leg. Hawkeye only shook her head in amusement and went to put the kit up.

"Sooo," Breda began, catching Ana's attention. "What'd you come see the colonel for? You can't really be his daughter. You look nothing like him."

She smiled and shrugged, "I was looking for Ed and Al. Lucky for me, they decided to pop in…or not, since Ed kicked a door in my face."

"Hurts, don't it?" Havoc asked, rubbing his nose in a remembered pain.

Gasping, Ana clutched her chest and rolled her chair over to the blonde man, "Havoc, you and me…we're like brothers in arms, sharing the same pain."

"Brothers?" he snorted.

"Or sisters if you prefer," she reasoned. "But I'm sure nobody wants to see you in a dress."

"Speak for yourself," Breda chuckled. "I'd pay money to see that."

"And we'd need to get that on camera," Falman agreed.

"Ha, ha," Havoc said humorlessly, scowling at the lot of them. "The day I wear a dress is the day the boss settles down and starts a family."

"The lieutenant colonel _is_ rather persistent in finding the colonel a wife," Falman mused.

"Maybe we should help 'em out," Breda smirked.

Havoc scoffed, "Your funeral."

"What'd you need to see Ed and Al for?" Fuery asked Ana, returning the conversation to the original topic.

Ana waved her hand up and down, "Oh, nothing much. I need help with some alchemy mumbo jumbo. And they're geniuses. Ya'll put two and two together."

Stares. Why were they staring at her?

"Why are ya'll staring at me?" she asked. Something she said made them twitch and stare harder. What the hell? Was she speaking German here? Was there food in her teeth? Whaaat?

"You talk kind of funny," Fuery said. Ana's face pinched in confusion, making him backtrack over what could have been an insult, "I mean, not that it's bad! It's just…"

"Your dialect," Falman saved him.

She snapped her fingers in comprehension, "Oh, you mean my accent! It's 'cause I'm not from around here." Ana lived in the south, giving her a bit of a southern twang. Not an obnoxious, annoying one that made you want to punch a hick's face in, but a slight lilt to most of her words.

"Where are you from?" Fuery asked.

"Sounds sorta like people from the west area," Breda assumed.

"No, I'm thinking farther out south. Like from Aerugo," Havoc guessed.

Breda gave Havoc a look like he was stupid, "Havoc, when have you ever been in Aerugo?"

Now Havoc was looking at Breda like _he_ was the stupid one, "I never said I went there. I had a girlfriend from Aerugo a few years back. She talked like…sorry, I never got your name."

"Ana Lopez," she answered distractedly. "I thought you couldn't get a girlfriend?"

"That's not true! Where did you hear that?!" Havoc demanded, taking her comment a little too personal.

"Chill out, I heard it earlier when you said Mustang steals all your girlfriends. And let me guess, he stole her too?" He hunched in on himself, confirming her answer. The others were snickering at this. "So maybe I need to rephrase my statement. You can't keep a girlfriend."

"It's not my fault!" Havoc cried, like seriously cried. Tears of anguish flooded down his cheeks in waterfalls. "The Boss just _looks_ at them and then their _fawning _over him, leaving me behind in the dust."

"Well then, they're bitches."

He blinked at her, "Wha-what?"

"You heard me," she crossed her legs and leaned back in her seat. "They some gold-digging hoes. Mustang's got status, rank, and money, not to mention he's handsome."

"Yeah, and I can't compete with that," he sulked. By this point, the other staff members were watching them go back and forth, entertained by their conversation.

"No Havoc, they're bitches. You didn't need them anyway," she assured him. "You're a nice guy, and contrary to popular belief, nice guys _don't_ finish last. Mustang will get all the bitches while _you'll _get the awesome chick in the end who likes you for you and she won't go running off with any man she sees because she appreciates the one she already has."

"That's good in theory, but every time I try to impress a girl I- Wait, why am I discussing my love life with a kid?"

"A kid? Havoc, do these look like the boobs of a kid?" she asked him as she grabbed her size D assets. "Hell, I can't even run without risking getting smacked in the face!"

Fuery's skin blazed red, Falman looked appalled along with Havoc, and Breda, although surprised, looked constipated as he held back a barrage of chortles.

"You did not just say that," Havoc said, his cigarette dangling precariously from his lip. "Ladies are supposed to be modest."

"I may not be a kid, but I never said I was a lady," she said with a smile in her tone. "And you can never get anywhere being modest. Fuck modesty."

"You're almost as vulgar as Edward," Falman observed.

"I'm not vulgar. I'm just blunt and uncensored," she shrugged. "Why should I censor my words just because society doesn't like it? Fuck society too. It's filled with a bunch of prudes anyway."

"Scratch that, she's worse than Ed," Breda laughed, mirth dancing in his eyes. "Never thought I'd see the day someone could one-up the brat."

"I try," she gave a sparkling smile, taking it as a compliment. "Now back to the issue at hand: Havoc's nonexistent love life."

"_Or_ I could do some actual work," Havoc said as if the mere thought of receiving dating advice from a fourteen-year-old pained him.

"That would be nice," Hawkeye sighed but didn't move to force them. She even appeared to be marginally interested in their conversation, looking up at them now and then from the monotonous paperwork that littered her desk.

"That's it," Ana announced, rising to her feet to strike an awesome pose that was sure to spark inspiration into the hearts of the people that looked upon her. "I'm going to make it one of my missions in life to get you a girlfriend, Havoc."

"One of your missions?" Falman questioned.

"My other one is world domination, but that might take awhile."

"You…you can't be serious," Fuery said, uncertain.

"Do I look like I'm joking?" she asked gravely, staring at him long enough to make him squeamish.

"No…"

"Then do not question me, mortal," she told him, giving him the hand and flopping down on her chair. "Now Havoc, let's talk about chicks."

"Seriously?" he asked, exasperated. He looked to his companions for help, "Seriously guys?"

"You heard the girl," Breda smiled smugly, crossing his arms and waiting for the spectacle to resume.

"Now Havoc, you were saying something earlier about how you try to impress chicks, right?" Ana asked, taking all of this very seriously.

"I should have never given you a cookie," he grumbled.

"I think you're trying too hard," Ana told him, undeterred.

"You don't even know me."

"Trust me. I'm a girl; I have a vagina. I know what I'm talking about."

Again, everyone was surprised by her bluntness. Falman seemed uncomfortable, Fuery looked ready to hide, and Breda just shook his head and said with a chuckle, "Oh boy."

Havoc did a half-hearted face palm, "Oh _God_, I did not sign up for this. C'mon Hawkeye, help me out here!"

Hawkeye sent him a pleasant smile, "You should listen to her Havoc. You may learn something."

Holy crap, Hawkeye was like the most awesome person _ever_!

"You're in league with her, aren't you?" Havoc accused, shock seeping through that she actually sided with Ana. Hawkeye gave no answer, reading files as if she hadn't heard him.

_Yes Havoc, my minions are everywhere. Mwhahaha!_ Ana thought victoriously, loving the daydream of herself wearing a crown sitting on a thrown being worshipped by thousands. And if any of them betrayed her she'd rip out their spinal cord. Plain and simple.

"Suck it up, ya pansy. I've got nothing better to do until Hotch and the boys get done profiling me." They gave her strange looks and Ana sighed, _Stupid 1914 people, not understanding my references._ "Anyway, it means I've got to entertain myself somehow. Might as well do some charity."

"I am _not_ a charity case," Havoc grumbled. Then he caught on to what she had called him earlier, "Or a pansy!"

"Well…" the three other guys began.

Havoc glared at them all, "Shut. Up."

Ana slid up real close to the chain smoker and whispered in a creepy voice, "Yes you aaaaare."

Havoc leaned farther away from her, one eyebrow raised nearly to his hairline, "Would you please not do that?"

Ana smiled and leaned back, making no promises for later. "Like I said, you're trying too hard," Ana reiterated, digging deep for her relationship advice. "Let me guess, you try to act cool to impress the ladies, act all suave and manly?"

"I am manly!" he retorted, not denying the other things she mentioned. "I do not need to be insulted by a kid."

"Kid? Do we have to go over the boob discussion again?"

"Havoc, just listen to her," Falman told him. "We don't need her groping herself again."

"You guys are enjoying this, aren't you?" Havoc glared at them. Fuery grinned, making him appear younger, more like a teenager. Breda snorted and muttered, "Hell yeah." Falman nodded in agreement.

"Relax Havoc, I wasn't insulting you by saying you aren't manly or anything," Ana rolled her eyes. "What I'm saying is that you're trying too hard to look like you are. And when you do that, you come off fake and like you're…well, trying too hard. Girls want a real man, emphasis on the _real_ part. Be real. Just be yourself. I assume you're a nice guy, and I bet you're the gentleman/sappy romantic type. Chicks dig genuine guys, right Momma Riza?"

"Honesty is the best policy," the woman nodded.

"Right, so be honest with who you are. If you do that, then you won't die alone," she grinned.

"Gee, thanks. I'll be sure to remember that," he grimaced.

"You better, bitch."

"Didn't your parents ever teach you to talk to your elders with respect?" Breda asked with a smirk, lacing his fingers over his head.

"Who do you think I learned how to talk from?" Ana countered. "You should hear my mother."

"No thank you," Havoc said quickly.

"I don't blame you," she smiled, spinning around in her chair in languid circles.

"Ana."

Ana stopped spinning to see Hughes at Mustang's open office door. His expression gave nothing away as he jerked his head towards the inner office, beckoning her.

"Okay," she nodded, rising from her seat. "Bye guys!" she waved cheerfully at Mustang's team, grabbed her jacket, and walked back into Mustang's office. Hughes closed the door behind them and that's when the tension hit her.

Ana scanned the room, noting how everyone was on guard. Mustang leaned back at the front of his desk again, standing with crossed arms and appearing imposing. Al and Ed sat on one of the couches. She had no idea what Al could be thinking, but Ed's face said it all. The boy was overflowing with mistrust and curiosity. Damn, what had they said? Did they reach some verdict that Ana was indeed a heinous villain? That was jank. All Ana wanted was a ticket home. Was that too much to ask?

Mustang gestured for her to sit on the other couch and she did, Hughes perching on the arm of the same couch. All eyes were on her and she didn't like it. It made her fidget, legs bouncing up and down while her fingers played with the orange jacket on her lap.

It was so quiet you could hear a pen drop. In fact, Ana swore she heard crickets chirping. She couldn't function like this.

"Will someone say something? I don't do awkward silences," she said, exasperated by all the staring.

"How do you know about us?" Ed asked. Came right out and asked with no prelude. Forget beating around the bush; Edward set the bush on fire and ran over its ashes.

Oh…oh crap, she still hadn't come up with an excuse that sounded legit. Ana was adamant about not telling them the truth. Who the hell would believe they were a fictional character in an alternate world? No, just no. She had to come up with something else. Sure, it'd be a lie, but it'd be more believable and less time consuming than trying to explain the truth. But what?

_Come on, brain. Help me out here in my time of need._

Hughes noted her hesitation and reminded her, "You did say that you would tell us everything when Ed and Al were here. Well? Nothing's stopping you now."

It was a challenge and she knew it. Damn it, she didn't like being put on the spot like this. It wasn't helping her massive brain fart.

Due to the overwhelming pressure, Ana blurted the first thing that came to mind. It was ludicrous and barely more believable than the truth, but it was what her mouth decided would be either her salvation or death sentence.

"I'm psychic."

They stared.

_Oh God, what have I done?_

* * *

**Yep, she just went there. I bet you guys are face palming right now, but give Ana some credit. It's hard to come up with a really good lie when you're put on the spot like that. But Ana's gonna have a helluva hard time convincing them of _that_.**

**I really like this chapter because of the interaction between Ana and Mustang's staff. That's something I didn't put much into when writing _The Blood Alchemist_, showing more of the minor characters when I should have. That's why I'm going to focus on more than just Ed and Al, but on all the characters who Ana comes across.**

**So um...Ana's personality really came out in this chapter. She's very blunt and usually always says what's on her mind. Some people might not like how vulgar she can get, but I think a lot of her attitude and humor comes from it. I'm just trying to keep things real, because my sister is really like that. Dear God, you guys should hear some of the things she says. XD**

**Now that this is getting updated, I'm going to be working on updating _A Sin is Born_. I've been writing a lot on this and that lately, in between going to puppet shows...yeah, puppets, they can either be really funny or really creepy. Like clowns. No, I take that back, clowns can only be creepy. *shudders***

**LeFay: Ana just told me about how she had this dream where she'd been dating Ling, but he broke up with her, and then she moved on to be with Alphonse in Resembool but then Ling showed up wanting her back. So what'd you do Ana?**

**Ana: I jumped out a window.**

**LeFay: In true Ana style. And then?**

**Ana: I ran away to Central to stay with Father Roy.**

**LeFay: And? He really took you in?**

**Ana: Well he was drunk at the time, so...**

**LeFay: O.o ...how'd he act?**

**Ana: Oh, Roy's a happy drunk! ^_^ He hugged me and welcomed me into his home and then passed out on the floor.**

**LeFay: Wowzers. That's gonna be my new headcannon. Roy is a happy drunk.**

**Ling: *runs in* Ana! Please take me back, my love!**

**Ana: Ah hell! *jumps out window***


	6. Life Lesson 6

**Life Lesson #6**

**Bribery is Affective**

(-Ana-)

Ana could not believe the word vomit that spewed from her mouth. Psychic? _Psychic_?! Oh, this would blow over well. At this point she was seriously considering that window jumping option.

_No Ana, you're not a coward. So what? You let your mouth act before your brain. Happens all the time. And you've managed to get out of worse scrapes than this! _

_Oh my God brain, no I haven't! This is at the top of the Freaky Shit list and I just made it ten times worse! They're never gonna believe me now._

_Not unless you don't sell it._

_What the hell does that mean?_

_You can't back out now, otherwise you'll lose what little credit you have. Just go with it, make them believe it. Or else they'll stick you in some interrogation room and who knows how they did things back in 1914. This place is run by a Fuhrer, remember?_

_And what do I do if they find out I'm lying?_

_KILL THEM AAAAALLL!_

_But I need them to send me home. _

_Fine, apparently this is BK. Have it your way._

Ana probably should have been more worried that she was having a full-blown conversation with herself inside of her head but she had her priorities straight. These people _had_ to believe her. She'd gotten herself into this and she'd lie her way out of it too!

During the few seconds her inner conversation took place, the guys all stared at her (Ana was beginning to get tired of all the staring). Then their expressions changed as they realized Ana was being serious. Hughes arched a brow, Mustang's face hardened and he looked like he was resisting the extreme urge to roll his eyes, and Ed clenched his teeth. And Al just sat there. It's not like she could read _Al's_ face.

Edward curled his hands into fists, leaning forward on the edge of his seat, "You think this is some kind of game?"

Yes, this was a game and Ana was all in. If she lost, she'd lose everything.

With that in mind, Ana put on her A-game. If she said she was psychic, then by God, she would be psychic!

Drawing on her best acting skills, Ana answered, "No, I don't. I'm being serious. This was why I was afraid to tell Mustang and Hughes." She glanced to the side all dramatic and grave, "It's a gift and a curse."

"After all of that, this is what you give us?" Mustang asked, deeply unsatisfied and more than a little annoyed.

"You're not doing yourself any favors, kiddo," Hughes told her.

Ana crossed her arms, getting defensive, "You wanted the truth. _This_ is the truth. How else would I know about you guys? About how Al's a soul attached to a suit of armor and why?" The brothers looked severely uncomfortable with her knowing this.

"I could name plenty of other explanations that are far more reasonable," Mustang disagreed.

"Like what?"

"You may have a source."

She shook her head, "The only people I've talked to since I woke up in Arcadia you already know, except the inn keeper in Arcadia who took me in and her brother but they're not familiar with any of ya'll. I'm all alone."

"What, you expect us to believe that you had some psychic vision of us? Out of everyone?" Ed asked, not at all liking what Ana was telling him. "I'm not buying it."

Ana put her fingers to her temple and said in a knowing tone, "Edward, I'm sensing a bit of hostility…"

"Stop jerking me around!" Ed roared, jumping to his feet and glaring at her. Is it weird that she thought his eyes still looked pretty even when he was glaring at her?

"Brother, please," Al spoke up for the first time, his voice beseeching.

Ed rounded on him, "What? Don't tell me you believe her. This is _ridiculous_!"

"I never said I did," Al corrected him. "But we can settle this easily enough. Ana, can you prove it?"

"As a matter of fact…" Ana started with a sly grin but Ed cut her off.

"Of course she can't! Get real, Al. Psychics are just phonies who swindle people out of their money. She can't magically know because there's no basis for it. It's scientifically impossible."

"I wouldn't say _magically _know. It's more like I get sensations."

Ed turned on her, "It doesn't make it any less impossible."

"Just let her try," Alphonse said agreeably. "If she can't, then she can't."

"Why not?" Hughes said, taking Al's side. "I'd like to see her try."

Mustang shook his head, "For once, I'm in agreement with Fullmetal. Her claims are delusional at best."

"_Thank you_!" Ed said, rolling his eyes.

"Wow Ed, haven't you ever heard of innocent until proven guilty?" Ana asked. "Let me defend my case before you throw me into a pool of sharks."

"That's three against two," Hughes smiled smugly.

"She doesn't count!" Ed screeched, pointing at her.

"What about equivalent exchange Edward?" she asked in a pouty voice. "You kicked my face with a door. The least you could do is hear me out."

"I owe you nothing. I saved you from becoming barbequed, remember?"

"Damn it," Ana muttered, irritated that that tactic had been shot down so easily. And now the little prick was smirking at her like he was _gloating_. She ought to punch his pretty face in.

"Enough. Let's just get this over with," Mustang declared.

Ed's face fell, "You're going to let her?"

"The sooner we get this out of the way, the sooner we can figure out what she really knows and how. Besides…" Here, his eyes turned absolutely _evil_. "It'll be entertaining to see her embarrass herself."

Ana narrowed her eyes at him, "I'll show you Father Roy. Just you watch."

Edward didn't want to back down but the odds were against him. "Fine," he grumbled. "Show me your _amazing_ psychic powers. What am I thinking?"

"Edward, that's a stereotype. Not all psychics are like that and I find that highly offensive," she told him. "My _amazing _psychic powers don't work like that."

Ed grinned like he had won, "Are you admitting that you _can't_?"

"Read your mind? No, I can't do that. Don't be silly Edward, you can't read people's minds," she laughed like he was stupid, which he was.

"Why you…" Ed began to steam but Al intercepted him.

"Then how does it work?"

"I'm glad you asked!" Ana gave them all a dazzling smile. "Like I said, I get sensations mostly and I interpret them. Some are just random bits of info from the past, present, or future. And some info is clear while other parts are hazy."

"Right. Next you'll say something vague and make it sound all-knowing," Ed snorted, flopping down on to the couch.

"I'm not always vague. I can get really specific at times," she defended herself.

"Then go ahead," Hughes encouraged her.

"Alright," Ana rubbed her palms together, wracking her brain for something of the specific variety. Something that was innocent enough for her to say. Hmmm…okay, she got it! Now she'd just put on a show.

Closing her eyes, Ana put her hands to her temples, "I'm sensing something."

She heard a snort.

"Shut up Edward."

"How'd you know it was me? Your eyes are closed."

"I don't need to be psychic to know it was you, dumbass. Now let me continue."

Edward grunted something under his breath but quieted.

"Now then, I'm getting vibes. Good vibes." Her hand floated through the air, following a 'wavelength' towards her right where she rested her hand on Hughes's arm. "I hear a young voice. 'Daddy!' she cries. Your daughter, right? She can't be more than three. You carry pictures of her and your wife with you wherever you go. You're a very devoted family man." She opened her eyes to take in Hughes's reaction.

He gave a small smile, "Accurate, but that's pretty common knowledge around here. Tell us something only one of us would know. Then we might consider your explanation."

Ana bit her lip. Guess she'd have to dig deeper.

"Something only you know. Alright, guess I'll have to surf those personal wavelengths. But you asked for it." Ana closed her eyes again, pretending to concentrate. She'd try someone else then. Edward, just because he doubted her. Yes, he would be her next victim. "I hear something….Moo…"

"…did you just moo?" Ed asked. "What are you, a cow?"

"Yes!" Ana exclaimed. "I hear cows! Edward, why you hating on dairy? Your hatred for milk is so loud."

"That's true, Brother despises milk," Alphonse said. "He won't drink it."

"Hm, no wonder he's so short," Mustang mused.

"DON'T CALL ME SMALL, YOU PYRO!" he yelled, baring his teeth and looking like he was going to go om nom on a Roy sandwich. "And that doesn't prove anything! Lots of people don't like milk!"

"Maybe, but how many of them wear light blue boxers?" Ana asked, waggling her eyebrows. Inside of her head she high fived herself for remembering that fact. She wouldn't be a true pervert if she didn't.

Ed's face blanked out, his jaw dropping while his eyes bugged out of his head, "That's…that's not…" He couldn't talk, just sitting there staring wildly at Ana.

A few moments of silence passed, and then Mustang asked, "Well Fullmetal? Is it true?"

Edward swallowed and slumped back into the cushions of the couch, his face coloring. He looked away, peeved, "Shut up."

"So it _is_ true," Hughes teased.

"Shut up!" Ed shouted. "Big deal! She's probably a stalker or something!"

"Yes Edward, I've been stalking you for like, five years since you did human transmutation," Ana deadpanned.

"She admits it!"

"It's called sarcasm, dumbass!"

"Don't call me a dumbass!"

"Then stop being a dumbass, dumbass!"

"Enough you two," Hughes ordered, suddenly going all disapproving father on them and standing between them. He looked back and forth between them sternly, "Don't make me wash your mouths out with soap."

Ed deadpanned, "Don't treat me like a child."

"Gladly, as soon as you stop acting like one," Hughes grinned impishly.

Ana exhaled long and loud, making a motor sound with her lips. It was time to move on, "Alright Ed, calm your tits."

The blonde faltered for a second, then asked her dangerously, "Did you just call me a _girl_?"

"Well, you're pretty enough to be one," she answered honestly. To this, Edward wasn't sure whether to take it as an insult or a compliment. "Look Edward, I didn't come here to argue or make enemies or do some dastardly deeds," here, she glanced at Mustang who had been itching to make her the bad guy. "All I want to do is go home. My mom is probably shitting a brick right now because I mysteriously disappeared, so I need to get back as soon as possible. If that means I have to prove myself to you, then let's go bro. If I tell you something I couldn't possibly know about, something only you know, will you at least hear me out and give me a chance?"

Ana had the sneaking suspicion that underneath it all, Ed was a nice guy. Why else was he hesitating like he was considering her offer? A lapse in judgment? Gas? Noooo, he was actually listening to her and was five seconds from agreeing with her.

_Three…two…one…_

"Fine," he relented, a smidge regretfully. "But I highly doubt you have anything to say that'll make me believe you."

"We'll see then," Ana's lips twitched into a half smile. He didn't return it, but he didn't frown either. The others remained quiet, waiting to see how this would play out.

"Here we go," Ana cracked her knuckles, popped her neck, and settled comfortably in her seat. She closed her eyes, appearing to 'focus on the spirit realm' or some crap like that when in reality she was straining to remember something that could help her out. She'd already told them that she knew of their transmutation. She could mention something about Winry, but she'd been in contact with Winry. There were holes down that path and there was nothing good enough anyway. Hmmm, something about their teacher? No, something more personal. What could she say about Edward that was so personal that only he knew? Damn, she really should have paid more attention when watching the show. Or finished it. Yeah, that would have come in handy right about now. If only she'd been more obsessed like her older sister, LeFay. The chick practically _worshipped_ the show. She even owned her own State Alchemist pocket watch.

"Oh! I got something!" she said, saying the words aloud due to her excitement. With her eyes still closed, she continued, "Just go with me on this. I see…fire. Lots of fire. And it's not burning my arm this time."

A distinct, awkward cough reached her ears and Ana suppressed the urge to cackle.

"The fire, it's burning…a house." As Ana spoke, an eerie tone entered her voice, making it feel like she was telling a ghost story. "I see people standing in front of the house, watching it burn. It's you guys. It's Ed and Al. It's your home. You don't want to ever look back. It's easier when you can't." She paused, waiting for the inevitable interruption.

It never came. They must have been too into what she was saying.

_Well then…_ She cleared her throat and carried on, "I see time, _tick, tick, tick_. It's round, and silver. A watch. No, a pocket watch. You've just gotten your State Alchemist watch, Ed. There's something there, something more. I see words… Don't…don't… Don't forget."

It was deathly silent in the room, meaning Ana heard a tiny audible gasp. She assumed it was Edward.

"I see a date next to the words, but they're blurred…"

"Stop."

Ana opened her eyes, blinking at the brightness in the room after having her eyes closed for a time. Ed looked visibly shaken, like a spooked animal. She almost felt bad for saying what she did, but it was nothing he didn't know.

"What?" Ana asked, not unkindly. Had he heard enough? She certainly hoped so. It was a good thing he stopped her when he did. She had been trying (and failing) to remember the exact date.

"She strike a cord?" Mustang observed.

In answer, Ed fished out his pocket watch. The sun's rays filtering through the large windows glinted off the shiny, silver surface. Edward stared down at it, his gloved fingers flicking around the smooth edge. His brow furrowed like he was searching for the reasons why Ana knew what was engraved on the inside of the watch.

"Brother?" Al asked, concern tinting his voice.

"Hm?" Ed looked up, his eyes distant and distracted. "Oh, I'm fine."

"That's a lie," said Hughes, his eyes watching Ed closely.

Ed frowned, pushing his watch back into his pants' pocket. He turned his gaze on Ana, analyzing her, "I won't go so far as to say you're psychic. I'm an alchemist, I believe in cold hard facts, things that can be explained. However…you somehow know things that shouldn't be possible."

"What'd she mean by 'don't forget'?" Hughes asked him, knowing he was treading on personal ground.

"It's nothing. It only means something to me," Ed waved it aside. Rather than explain, he launched the conversation elsewhere, but that didn't mean everyone didn't notice his blatant change of subject. "How are you really doing it, Ana?"

Ana shrugged, "I told you. I'm-"

"Psychic, yeah, you already said that. And I'm still not buying it. Maybe Mustang's right, maybe you do have a source. Maybe you're some sort of spy yourself." A fire burned in the young alchemist's eyes, his determination making them smolder, "Whatever it is, I'm going to figure it out. Mark my words."

Ana smiled because Edward looked so cute when he was delusion, "Search all you want, but you won't find anything because there _isn't_ anything to find. Hell, I didn't even exist here until about a week ago."

"Care to elaborate?" Mustang asked, looking like he was fully expecting Ana to be vague or not answer at all.

"Ya know, 'cause I'm from the other side of the gate," she told them nonchalantly.

This meant absolutely nothing to everyone except one little blonde boy. Predictably, he spazzed out.

"_HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE GATE?!_" Edward yelled at the top of his lungs, having jumped to his feet in a flash. His eyes were wide and wild, one white finger pointed at her.

A shit-eating grin enveloped Ana's face, "Oops, did I say that out loud?" She knew they'd have a freak out session when she told them where she was from, but Jesus, Ed's reaction was priceless.

"What's the big deal about a gate?" Hughes questioned. He glanced at Alphonse but the suit of armor didn't seem to know anything either. Huh, did Al not know about the gate? She couldn't remember if he did in the show or if he found out later. You'd think Ed would have told him something as big and traumatizing as the alchemic gate that held the secrets to the universe. Shame on Edward for not telling his own brother.

If Ed looked shaken before, he looked like he had revisited a nightmare now. He calmed down and, ignoring Hughes's question, he asked Ana in a lowered but no less intense tone, "_The_ gate? You're talking about _the_ gate?"

"No, I'm talking about the gate to my garden. It's not the gay white picket type, if you must know." Sure, she probably could have used less sarcasm. This was a big ordeal for Edo here, a lot for him to take in. But Ana was evil. Why fight her evil tendencies when they were so much more fun to give in to?

"What are you talking about, Brother? What gate?" Al pressed for answers.

Ana sighed, "He's talking about the gate of Truth."

Ed sat down heavily, eyes glued on Ana, "You…saw it…didn't you?"

She shook her head, "Nope!"

He frowned, taken aback, "Then how do you know about it? You said you were…"

"From the other side of the gate."

"How is that...?"

"Possible? I have no idea!"

Ed's eyes turned into swirls, muttering words as he swayed from side to side. The poor child was utterly confounded.

"What's the gate of Truth?" Mustang asked, the question directed to Alphonse since Ed was having a conniption.

Al stared at his brother worriedly, "I'm afraid I don't know. Ed's never mentioned it before."

"She's from…the other side…?" Ed asked dizzily.

"It obviously means a great deal to Edward," Hughes noted. "Yo Ed, snap out of it and give us the juicy details!"

Hopelessly lost in la la land, Ed didn't hear him.

"Slap 'em!" Ana cheered excitedly.

Hughes sent her a disapproving look, "Violence is never the answer."

Ana snorted, "Well obviously you haven't tried using enough of it. I find lead pipes highly effective."

Why did Hughes look so appalled?

"AGH!" Ed gave a wordless yell, both of his hands gripping at his hair as he shook his head. He'd officially lost it…cool! Seconds later, Ed returned to giving Ana his piercing stare, "Did you do human transmutation? Is that it?!"

"No. In fact, where I'm from, we dismissed alchemy as a dead science hundreds of years ago."

"You're kidding," Ed said in awe, his curiosity overcoming him but he was unable to let himself accept this quite yet. "And you're really from the other side of the gate? But how?"

"Here, let me start at the beginning," Ana began but Mustang held up a hand.

"First I want to know what this gate of Truth business is about."

Ed hesitated, giving his best deer-in-the-headlights impression. Guess he never thought he'd be telling these guys about the gate. But he'd have to eventually, right? Ana briefly wondered if she was screwing things up. Ah well, it wasn't like she was gonna stick around long enough to find out.

"Yeah, I'd like to know too," Al said.

"The gate…" Ed started. He cleared his throat, linked his fingers together between in knees, and stared down at his hands. He suddenly looked five years older. Even his antenna was drooping with the horrible knowledge of the gate. "It's what you see when you perform human transmutation."

As expected, there were plenty of shocked reactions to go around. They remained silent, too surprised to say anything.

"When Al and I… After the transmutation began to go downhill, I found myself in an empty white void. A giant gate stood there and it pulled me in, forcing me to see the Truth. Endless amounts of information poured into my mind. And when it was done it took my leg as payment. I found myself back in the basement like before, except Al was missing. As you know, I used my arm in exchange to pull Al's soul back. What you don't know is where I pulled his soul back from. It was the gate. It's what regulates equivalent exchange."

"Damn Ed, why didn't you ever tell us about this?" Mustang asked, his mask gone and his words full of sincere interest.

Ed scowled, "It's not something I enjoy talking about, and I sure as hell wasn't going to bring it up with you."

"I'm not as heartless as you think," Mustang told him, some unidentifiable emotion in his voice.

To that, Ed had nothing to say.

"If that's true…" Alphonse spoke in a hushed tone. "Why don't I remember seeing this place?"

"I assume it's because your whole body was taken."

"Why didn't you tell me about this before?"

Ed had the sense to cringe guiltily, "You didn't show any signs of remembering it, so I left it alone. I didn't want to trigger any memories of it by saying anything. That place…the gate…it's not something you want to remember."

"…You should have mentioned this sooner."

Ed faced him head on, "I'm your older brother. It's my job to protect you."

"We protect each other _equally_," Al stated firmly.

"Do you recall anything, Al?" Hughes asked, breaking the rising tension. Although it hadn't escalated to an actual argument, their disagreement was well on their way to being one. Hughes was smart to subtly intervene when he did.

Al paused, "No… I don't remember any of what Ed's describing."

"Look at that! Looks like you had nothing to worry about after all, Edward!" Hughes smiled hugely.

"I guess…" Ed agreed not wholeheartedly. He turned his focus back on Ana, "If you've never seen the gate, then what makes you think you're from the other side?"

"You mean besides the fact that our world maps don't match up?" she asked almost seriously.

"If I showed you a world map right now, you wouldn't recognize any of the countries?" Mustang asked her, intrigued but wary.

"Well, I would a little now. But when I first got here I checked one out and freaked out when I had no idea where I was at," she explained, recalling that dreadful afternoon. She was lucky she had met wonderful people like Demetri and Martha. As nice as everyone seemed in this time period, she was certain there were plenty of people who would take advantage of her. Come to think of it, the train ticket guy who had helped her figure out the amount for the train (her being ignorant of this country's currency) had probably overcharged her and she had been none the wiser.

"The colonel said you woke up in the Arcadia mine," Alphonse made the statement a question.

"Yeppers. I thought I was kidnapped at first. It took me forever to accept the truth. I kinda miss the denial. I felt saner then. I'm not sure what I was doing last, whether I was home or at school. That's all foggy. All I know is that I suddenly woke up in the mine with no sign of how I got there." She wondered for the umpteenth time what had really happened to her. If the brothers helped her, they might be able to uncover the truth.

"That still begs the question of how you know about the gate, if you really come from the other side," Ed reminded her. "I was under the impression that the other side of the gate was the secret to bringing someone back to life."

"Pfft, I hate to burst your bubble but that's not true. On the other side is a parallel world of this one. It's basically the same, except we're about a hundred years advanced in our technology and alchemy doesn't work there."

"If alchemy doesn't work there, and you never saw the passage between worlds, then how do you know of the gate?" Mustang asked, crossing his arms.

"How do I explain it?" Ana scratched her head. The whole point of claiming to be psychic was to avoid telling them about the anime and manga, both of which they would not comprehend and were so outrageous they wouldn't believe her. But she had to tell them about her world. Otherwise, she couldn't get back there. "We have these…uh…stories you could say. Lots of people know about the gate and the possibility of another world filled with alchemy on the other side of it, but no one believed it. I sure as hell didn't. It was all fiction."

"Stories, huh?" Hughes raised a brow, peering at her over the rim of his glasses. "You don't sound too sure there."

"I'm dumbing it down for ya'll. It's not my fault you simple 1914 people can't comprehend my world."

"Nineteen-fourteen? Is there some sorta time difference?" Ed asked jokingly.

"Yeah. In my world the year is 2013."

O_O

"What?"

O.o

"See? Told you it's too much for your simple brains."

Mustang was the first to shake out of his stupor, "You must realize how ludicrous this sounds. Another world? What proof do we have other than your word?"

Ana slumped, not knowing of anything that could… OH WAIT! SHE HAD A CELLPHONE AND IT COULD TOTALLY BLOW THEIR 1914 MINDS!

"Behold! Solid proof!" Ana exclaimed, whipping out her phone and holding it up for the entire room to see.

"…that's a rock," Al said.

"Oh, what the fuck Michelangelo?" She put the rock back into her pocket and checked her other one. Aha! "Behold! Solid proof that's legit this time!"

"…what's with the tiny box?" Ed asked, poking it once.

Ana drew it closer, out of his reach, "It's called a cellphone. It's a highly advanced phone that doesn't need to use cords. You can do various things on here. Call people, send them typed messages, access the internet (although that function won't work here), and it takes pictures, can play music, has a ton of games on it, and you don't even need buttons because it's got this touch screen! And when you press this button it lights…up…wait, why isn't it working? Come on phone, now's not the time to get stage fright."

That's when she made the horrible, life changing realization.

Her phone…it was dead. How could she have forgotten? It died on the way here to Central.

"Nooooo!" Ana cried dramatically. "My phone, it's dead!"

"So on top of all those operations it can do, your phones are alive?" Hughes asked, trying to keep up.

"Apparently this one isn't," she pouted. "No, they're not _alive_. They run on special batteries. You have to charge a cellphone up by using a charger, which is a cord that you stick into an outlet and connect to here," she pointed to the designated slot. "I forgot my battery died on the way here. And since I don't have a charger with me, I can't plug it up."

Ana laid the phone on the coffee table, glaring at it for leaving her hanging in her time of need. Just when things were looking up…

"It runs on electricity then?" Edward asked, not sparring her a glance as he observed her phone. Whatever, she didn't care. He could do whatever he wanted with it. It's not like she could use it.

That mindset changed real fast when the blonde clapped his hands and touched her phone. Ana had never seen alchemy before and it must have been epic and all when it wasn't being used _on her phone_!

"Oh my God, Edward! What are you doing!?" she shrieked, starring in horror as her beloved Galaxy S2 was engulfed in a barrage of blue energy. The light show died down fairly quickly and once Ana overcame her shock, she dived in to save her phone, despite it probably being too late.

"I charged it!" Ed grinned victoriously at Ana, who snatched her phone up and cradled it to her breasts.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Ana asked her phone frantically. It all _looked_ okay from the outside, but there was no telling if Ed messed it up on the inside with his stupid alchemy. She opened the back but nothing seemed out of place or shape. So she flipped it back over to see the screen had lit up.

"Whoa…" Ana said, hardly believing what she was seeing. She unlocked the phone and began tapping the screen to make sure everything was in working order, and to her surprise…it was! "It's on! It's working! IT'S ALIVE!"

Who needed a charger when you had an alchemist on hand?

"And you doubted me," Ed smirked. He leaned closer, eyes scanning her phone, "It really does light up."

Ana clutched the phone to her chest and sent daggers at him with her eyes. And yes, she was really imagining him being impaled with dozens of daggers. He deserved them. "Edward, you are so very lucky that you didn't break my phone."

"I fixed it. You should be thanking me!"

"Edward, you don't mess with a girl's phone! You get castrated that way!" Yes, a man's worst nightmare…or a masochist's kinky dream.

His face fell, his expression mirroring the horror she herself wore when she thought he was destroying her precious phone. In a flash Ed ducked behind Al's hulking suit of armor to cower there. Not a masochist then.

Ana sniffed, turning away from him. Served the bastard right.

"May I?" Hughes asked, gesturing to her phone.

Ana didn't want to hand over her phone. Not after it had barely survived its Elric encounter.

Hughes perceived this and told her, "I'll be careful with it. I just want to check it out."

Ana bit her lip. Hughes _was_ a trustworthy guy. "You promise?"

He smiled, "Promise."

She handed it over to him but made damn sure to stay close. She had to show him how to use it anyway. In the meantime, she could watch him like a hawk.

"Press this and go there if you want to send a message to someone," Ana told him, pointing out the places on the screen as she stood by his elbow.

"And all you have to do is press the surface?" Hughes asked, a bit amazed. He tapped the screen and it instantly took him to a new message where he typed in random letters.

"How does it work?" Mustang asked in awe, leaning over his friend's shoulder. He went to touch it but Ana slapped his hand away.

"You've already killed my jacket, I don't want my phone to be set on fire too," Ana told him aggressively.

Like a scolded child, Mustang muttered, "Well you killed my chair." Who knew Mustang could be so petty?

"Ah, what did I do?" Hughes asked, showing Ana the screen. He was afraid he'd messed it up somehow.

"Oh, you tried to send the message but it was unable to. If I was back in my world I'd be able to send the text no problem and the other person would receive it in a few seconds."

Surprise lit Hughes's green eyes, "That fast?"

"Yep. I'm not really sure how it all works. I only bought it. Actually, my dad bought it but that's beside the point."

"What other technology comes from your world?"

"Maes, are you saying you believe her?" Mustang asked.

"Don't you?" Hughes retorted. "This is pretty incredible if you ask me."

"I could show you some pictures if you want," Ana offered. Hughes held the phone out to her and she took it to bring out the vast amount of pictures she had saved. The latest picture she'd taken was of her Asian cat sitting in the living room. No, the cat wasn't really Asian, it just looked Asian. "This is my cat at my house. But more importantly, you see that big, black box in the corner here? That's a television. It's for entertainment purposes. It plays movies and shows, which appear on the screen like…moving pictures or something, but better. You can also watch news and crap. It's a way to get information out to people super fast."

She scrolled to the next one to see her mom sitting at her computer (where she remained every waking hour of her life). Her little sister, Kaylee, had her arms wrapped around their mom and they were smiling as Ana had taken the picture. They were about the same in height and build and hair length that came to their shoulders, except Kaylee's was a lighter brown and their mom had paler skin. "This is my mom and my sister. That thing on the table is a computer. It's like a typewriter on steroids because you can write out all sorts of documents but most people just use it to get on the internet which is a vast system of information. I mostly use it to play games." Her most current addiction happened to be My Candy Love. "I'd go into more detail but then we'd be here all day."

"Can I see?" Al piped up. Up until a few moments ago, him and Ed had been talking in hushed voices. Ed himself remained behind Alphonse, leaning against Al's shoulder and trying to look casual.

"Sure!" Ana said happily. She skipped over to him and sat beside him. Pointing to the same picture, she briefly explained what was what.

"How old is your sister?" Al asked her.

"She's twelve and my personal spawn from Hell." Seriously, Ana had nothing but love for her sister, but Kaylee better be starting her period or something soon because she'd been driving Ana nuts lately. Many a time Ana had longed for that lead pipe she mentioned earlier.

Al chuckled, "She can't be that bad. She looks like a nice person."

"No Alphonse, _you're_ a nice person… In fact, hey Edward? Can we trade siblings?"

"Hell no. Get your own brother," Ed grumbled, lounging on the couch arm in a way only someone as small as him could make look comfortable.

She poked out her bottom lip, "But I want my own Alphonse. Come on, I'd take good care of him. Feed him every day and everything!"

"My brother _can't eat_, thanks for reminding him! How insensitive can you get?!"

"That's funny, coming from you."

"I'm a sensitive guy!" When Ana snickered at him, he yelled, "Don't laugh at me!"

"You guys! Fighting doesn't solve anything," Al pleaded with them.

Ana nodded, "You're absolutely right, Alphonse. Edward, you should listen to your brother more often."

"He was talking about you too, moron!"

"Brother! Stop being rude!"

"_Rude_?! Are you even listening to her? She wants to keep you like a stray cat!"

"I think she means well," Al defended her, making Ana brighten. He turned to her and told her kindly, "Thank you for the compliment but…ah, I'm going to have to decline your…offer."

"Offer? No, you misunderstand me. Asking Edward for permission was just a front. As soon as Ed turns his back I'm gonna stick you in my pocket and run off into the sunset with you."

Ed blew a gasket, "_That's kidnapping_! And you can't fit a seven foot tall suit of armor in your pocket!"

"It's not kidnapping! It's surprise adoption!" she yelled back, not bothering to comment on her armor-in-her-pocket method. For all Ed knew, her pants could be made out of the same material as Mary Poppin's bag.

"This is why I'm never having kids," Mustang complained to Hughes, irritated by all their arguing. The bespectacled man put his arm around Mustang's shoulders and grinned at him.

"One day. One day…" he promised.

"You can't…you…that's still…" Ed tried desperately to stay in rage mode, but the angry lines in his face were smoothing out and his lips were twitching. He covered his face with his hand and turned away, his shoulders shaking up a storm.

"Now who's laughing at whom, Edward? That's hypocritical," Ana pointed out, hiding her triumphant smile. She made Ed laugh. That was an accomplishment in her book.

"Shut up. You're still an idiot," he told her, voice filled with mirth and suppressed laughter. "Why is this even a legitimate argument?"

"Because Alphonse is the best brother in the world," Ana stated it like the fact it was.

Ed grinned and lightly punched Al's arm, "That he is."

"Heheh," Al laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his helmet in embarrassment.

Ana gave him a toothy grin, "Yep, I can feel it. We're gonna be great friends!"

"You think so?"

"Uh-huh! Best friends forever!" Ana said, throwing her arms up in the air.

Ed shook his head, "A little early to be making declarations like that, don't you think? We haven't even agreed to help you."

"Edward, I'm a wayward fourteen-year-old girl lost in an alternate world and with nowhere else to go. You have to help me. You're the Hero of the Public."

"Hero of the People," Hughes corrected.

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes. "You get the point."

Ed crossed his arms and replied childishly, "Who said I had to? You still haven't told us the truth. For instance, why did you come to _us_? What's your angle?"

Ana gave a very unladylike growl in the back of her throat, "For God sake's, how many times do I have to tell you people? I just _want to go home_." Her voice cracked and the first signs of moisture formed in her eyes. Oh hell no, she was not having another bout of waterworks again. Once was enough for today. Damn it all, she had cried more this week than she had in the past year! Ana was _not_ the crying type. It wasn't that she was a wimp. This was all so stressful and frustrating!

Taking a calming breath, Ana did her best to keep it together. Everyone was watching her and that made her regain control that much faster. No way would she breakdown in front of these people. She'd sooner jump out the window.

"Believe me or don't believe me. I don't give a damn. I came to you guys because you're my best chance at getting home. You've seen the gate, Ed. And both of you are supposed to be super alchemists or something. I foresaw that I would have to come to you guys." Which was true…in a sense. "And so I tracked ya'll down. I didn't ask to know the things I do. I didn't ask to be here. All I ask is for you to help me get home. Please? Pretty please?"

Ed chewed on the inside of his cheek, staring at her, considering.

"I think we should," Al told Ed. The hallelujah chorus in Ana's head wanted to break out but she told them to back off. She'd yet to gain Ed's approval. But if Al said yes then Ed couldn't be too far behind. He was just stubborn.

"Either way, we'd have to keep her under observation," Mustang said decidedly. "I'm not letting her wander around until I know more about her. You're the perfect candidate for this, Fullmetal." It sounded like the thinly veiled order it was. Ana knew it, Ed knew it, the cat in Al's armor knew it. He was only giving the illusion of choice to him and if Ed's expression was anything to go by, the blonde did not like it.

"It wouldn't be so bad," Ana said helpfully. "You scratch my back, I scratch yours… Not literally though, 'cause I don't wanna touch your back. Offense intended." Ed scowled but she carried on, "What I'm saying is if you find a way to get me home, I'll help you get Al's body back."

The way she so casually threw that offer into the open sent the brothers reeling. Mustang and Hughes were calmer, exchanging suspicious glances. In hindsight, she could have been more discreet. Taking their doubts into consideration, this had the potential to take the meager trust she had built a few steps back. That never crossed Ana's mind, hence her thoughtless offer. In her mind, she was killing two birds with one stone: get herself home and help the brothers out. All she had to tell them was Ed could exchange his alchemy for Al's body. LeFay had told her how Brotherhood ended, going on about how it was so different and sooo amazing and that Ana should watch it and blah, blah, blah. Who knew that something so small as not watching could come to bite her in the ass? She was just lucky she had remembered that tiny, yet life altering detail. In fact, that was basically the only thing she knew about Brotherhood, other than a few facts on new characters. Oooh! How cool would it be to meet Ling Yao?! Too bad she had no idea when the ninja prince was supposed to show up.

Hm, her thoughts were straying… The point was that Ana had some bribery material and would use it to get herself home. Any potential consequences that came from telling them meant nothing to her. If she had her way, Ana would be home soon and this world would become a fantasy again.

"You really know something?" Al asked, a slight quiver in his voice caused by barely suppressed hope and desperation. It made something in Ana's chest hurt and it really struck home for the first time that Al's predicament was real. He was a little boy that had been trapped in a sensory depriving suit of armor for years. He couldn't sleep, couldn't breathe, or eat, or feel, or cry, or smile. How had he not gone insane yet?

"She's bluffing," Ed said, his tone low and calculating like he couldn't be one hundred percent sure. "You don't know anything."

Ana made a game buzzer noise, "Wrong! I _do_ know, so don't assume. I've seen your future and it's all up here." She tapped her head twice and smiled. "You should eventually figure it out, but if you help me I can tell you everything. And then Al can get his body back like _that_," she snapped her fingers.

"And all we'd have to do is find a way to get you home?" Al asked, ready to jump on board at the promise of getting his body back.

"Yep!"

Mustang shook his head, "It sounds too good to be true."

"Hell must have frozen over for me to agree with Mustang," Ed hummed resentfully. "After all our searching for years, the secret to getting Al's body back lands in our laps? What, do you have a Philosopher's Stone up your sleeve?" The question was meant as rhetorical, but the room tensed at the very real probability that Ana might have one.

Ana snorted, "Do you know how hard those things are to make? Screw that." She'd gotten far enough into the series to learn how the stone was made. It wasn't long after that she stopped watching. She might have gotten to the Greed part, but she couldn't remember clearly. Lots of it was blurred.

"So it can be made?" Ed asked in surprise and eagerness.

"How? What do you know?" Mustang asked, equally interested.

Ana shrugged, "Not much. I'm no alchemist, but I know it's a hard process and the ingredients aren't easy to come by. It can be made, but few have made it."

"Do you know anyone who's made one?"

Ana looked up in thought. Did she know anyone who made one? That doctor guy made them right? The one who deserted in Ishval? Or were they the fake, incomplete ones? Eh, she didn't know. She'd just roll with the second one. "Nope, nothing comes to mind."

"Then how do you intend on restoring Al's body back?" Hughes questioned, raising a brow.

"If I told you that, then I wouldn't have any leverage," Ana grinned sneakily. "Besides, the stone isn't the only way. There's another method, and it's easier if you're willing to pay the price."

"Another method?" Al repeated, like the notion had never occurred to him.

Ed was on guard and acting almost snobby, "If you really wanna help, then why don't you just go ahead and tell us? Then we could help you afterwards. That's _if_ you know anything."

Ana clicked her tongue at him, "Because I'm a bitch and I wanna make your life miserable. Mwhahaha!"

"Why you little…" Ed growled, ready to shoot up and pummel Ana.

"Take it down a notch before you hurt yourself, child. You don't know how to take a joke, do you?"

"This isn't a joke!" he raged, his words bouncing off Ana without any effect.

"Do you see me laughing? No, no you don't. Whatever, anyway, doesn't alchemy have some rule or something to it? You've gotta give a little to get some? Equivalent exchange, right?"

"It's alchemy's first law," Al agreed. "To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. Brother, she's right. It wouldn't be fair of us to demand anything without helping her first."

"But that's…" Ed trailed off, a bit tongue tied at his own logic being used against him. He got over it quickly and growled, "She probably doesn't know anything! We help her and then she'll disappear without keeping her end of the bargain."

Ana frowned. Did she really come off as that untrustworthy of a person? "Well what if you do the same thing?"

"Why are you so against this?" Al asked him, his glowing orbs staring straight into Ed's soul. "This could be the break we've been looking for. Why are you so afraid of giving her a chance?"

"I'm not _afraid_!" Ed denied. He sent Ana a swift glare and looked back to Alphonse. His expression softened, "I just don't want you to get your hopes up to have them crushed in the end."

"It's no different than any of the leads I give you," Mustang reasoned. "If anything, this sounds more promising."

"What if I pinky swore?" Ana asked, holding up her pinky to Edward and staring at him imploringly with her large, brown eyes. "I swear I'll make it worth your while."

Ed glowered at her pinky as if he might bite it off. Ana retracted her hand, fearing for her finger's safety.

"Jeez, a simple no would have worked," she muttered.

"Fullmetal, take her offer."

"But Colonel-"

"I want her under your watch. See what else she knows, find out as much as you can. In the meantime, you can investigate how to get her to…_her_ world." Mustang's eyes roved over Ana cautiously. "See if there's any merit to what she says."

Ana gave a big ole eye roll, "I'm right here ya know."

He didn't respond, choosing to look back to Ed.

"Fine," Edward gave in. _Now_ cue the hallelujah chorus.

"Finally!" Ana cheered, throwing up her arms so fast it hurt her burned skin. "Ow," she whimpered, bringing her arm back down and gently rubbing it.

Ed ignored her outburst, "But just because I'm agreeing doesn't mean I believe your bogus psychic story! And you better know something to hold up your end of the deal."

"Hell Edward, I'm not _that_ bad of a person," she defended herself. "Does everyone in this world have trust issues, or is it just ya'll?"

"You can never be too careful," Mustang answered.

"Guess this means you'll be sticking with us," Al told Ana happily.

"That's good. Like I said, I have nowhere else to go." It was strange how she said such sad words so jovially. She tried to stay happy and optimistic and not let it depress her.

"I know! How about you guys stay at my place!" Hughes jumped in, way too hyper. "You'd be too cramped in the dorms anyway. Why don't you stay with me and my family! It's been too long since you guys have been over."

Mustang sent Hughes an approving look and that rang the warning bells in Ana's head. "You sly dog you. You just want to keep an eye on me too and make sure I'm not up to anything."

"Yep!" Hughes gladly admitted with a smile.

Ana smiled back, "Works for me. It's not like I have anything to hide, except for my boobs." She glanced down at her breasts contemplatively.

Everyone sent her weirded out stares and Ed's cheeks reddened. She wondered idly if Al would be blushing too if he had cheeks.

"Are you sure that's okay? We don't want to intrude," Al said, ever the thoughtful individual.

"And no telling what a horrible influence Ana will be on Elysia," Ed griped.

Ana gasped, "You take that back, Edward Elric. I am wonderful with kids. They _adore_ me."

"Great! Then you'll all get along splendidly," Hughes said, patting Ed's back forcefully enough to stop his next insult. It made Ana smile because Hughes was just that awesome. "It's almost time for me to go anyway, so let me swing by my office and I'll meet you kids downstairs at the front."

"Whoo! To the Hughes' mobile!" Ana shouted, hopping up and dashing out of the room and leaving everyone to stare oddly at her (seriously, they should just make it a national pastime; let's grab some popcorn and stare at Ana!). It would have been the most epic exit ever, had she not had to come back five seconds later to grab her jacket from where she had left it on the couch. She escaped into the staff office, wanting to face palm at her moment of lameness.

"Hey, Momma Riza?" Ana said, her voice sounding childish without meaning to. She had a youngish, girly tone by nature.

Hawkeye paused in her paperwork, glancing up at her, "Yes, Ana?"

"Do you have a dog?" It had not escaped Ana's notice that there was no canine milling around the office.

The woman blinked once, expression unchanging save for the mild pinching of her eyebrows, "No, I don't."

"Don't worry. You will," Ana smiled. She waved at Hughes who was on his way out, oblivious to the room's confused stares.

"Why do you say that?" Breda asked, the closest one of the men to them.

"Just ignore her," Ed dismissed, stepping out along with Alphonse. "She claims she's psychic."

"Psychic?" Fuery nearly squeaked. "You mean, you can see the future?"

"I'm surrounded by stereotypes!" Ana moaned dramatically, wiping her palms down her cheeks in dismay. These horrible people. She should stab them. "We should runaway before they ask me to read their palms… But yes, I can see a bit of the future. I foresee Hawkeye getting a dog. It shall be black and white and utterly adorable."

"It's a nice thought, but I have no need for a pet," Hawkeye denied.

"We'll see, we'll see," Ana all but chuckled darkly.

Breda shuddered, "Don't know why anyone would want one. They're vicious beasts."

"What's this, Breda? You scared of a whittle puppy?" Edward teased.

"I've had bad experiences with them, alright?" Breda growled.

"Like what?"

"Not. Telling."

"Well, Miss Psychic. Tell us what Breda's bad experience is," Ed looked to Ana, hell bent on proving her wrong.

Ana put her fingers to her temples and acted as though she were straining, "Answer hazy. Try again later."

Ed snorted but for all the wrong reasons.

Ana strutted past him and towards the door, "I've been stuck inside this building way too long. Let's blow this joint, Gus."

"…why did you just call me Gus?" Ed asked, pursing his lips and furrowing his brows.

"Pfft, because you can't be Shawn. I'm Shawn, duh." Gah, Ed was so slow. "Wait no, I take that back. Alphonse can be Gus. You're definite Lassie material."

"Get our names right! You're a horrible psychic if you can't even get our names right!" Ed yelled, chasing after her as she strolled into the hall.

"And so it begins…the lack of understanding my beautiful references," Ana shook her head and continued walking, humming the Psych theme song as she went.

* * *

**That mini heart attack you get when you can't find your flash drive that has years of your life's work saved on it. X_X That was the scariest five minutes of my life.**

**I think this is the longest chapter I've ever written, almost reaching 10,000 words. I wasn't even meaning to update this soon because I was gonna work on _A Sin is Born, _but then _someone_ (_cough_ Angelic Toaster _cough_)reminded me that this awesome show called Psych existed. I haven't watched it in years and I'm happily addicted to it once more. And it gave me lots of inspiration for this chapter because (if you don't know) the main character of the show pretends to be a psychic. Anyway, this chapter was so fun to write but at the same time it was challenging because I had to get to the main points in the conversation while filling in the in between while making everything flow in the right direction (and that's a lot of freaking dialogue in this chapter, oh my gersh!) So did it come out okay? I really wanted to stress the point that you can't just waltz into the character's lives and claim your psychic or something without hitting a lot of bumps on the road. In fact, it'll probably be awhile before Ed begins to like Ana as a person. He knows she's lying and he's not gonna make it easy on her.**

**...and that talk about the gate and whatnot, I was trying to make it sound legit like where Ed thought the other side was the secret to restoring life. I think he said that once...or not. I dunno, sorry if it's wrong. Just tell me what you think, and please be gentle. I'm in depression mode right now because my baby has been at the vet for days. Seriously, I can barely sleep at night and I haven't even been on Fanfiction much these days. I think I need a hug. :'(**

**Last thing I want to tell you guys (if I haven't already 'cause I'm so scatterbrained I can't remember). I added a section at the bottom of my profile page that includes all the fan art my readers have drawn for my stories. I have started off the _Life Hates Me_ fan art by drawing a picture of Ana. It's my profile pic now actually, but you can see a better version of it on my deviantart by clicking on the link on my profile.**

**Now this omake...I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I honestly don't. I wrote it at like 4 in the morning and was out of my mind. Read at your own risk.**

* * *

**OMAKE:**

"I'm sensing something," Ana said, hands to her temples. Everyone in Mustang's office was quiet, waiting for her to dazzle them with her psychic abilities. "It's small…and fuzzy…me…meow…meoooow. _Meooooooow_. _MEOOOOOOOW_!"

"What da hell are you doin?" Alphonse asked, having suddenly become ghetto. "Have you lost yo eva lovin' mind?"

Ed's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates as he gaped at his brother, "…Alphonse?"

Al glanced at Ed and shook his head, "White people be crazy."

"I'm _half_ white, thank you very much," Ana corrected. "And my race has nothing to do with my insanity. Anyway, back to business. I'm sensing a- meow. Uh, I mean, I see fire and something bur- _meoooow_! Son of a bitch. Hold on."

Ana went around the coffee table and planted herself in front of Alphonse, taking no time at all to begin unlatching his chest plate.

"Ah, hell naw! You better get up off me before I shove my gauntlet so far up your-"

"Got it!" Ana cried in victory, pulling out a small ginger kitten. "I knew I sensed something."

Everyone stared incredulously at Alphonse. Mustang was the first to ask, "You keep kittens in your armor?"

Al began to sweat, "Uhhh, I swear it's not mine. I was just, uh, holding it for a friend."

"Tell that to the court," said Mustang, signaling for Hawkeye to come in. Together, the two of them handcuffed Alphonse.

"Mustang?! What do you think you're doing?!" Edward shouted, outraged that they were arresting his brother.

"You know the law," Hawkeye said seriously. "Aiding and abetting a wanted feline is a criminal offense."

"_What_?! Since when? What kind of stupid, twisted…and how is a _cat_ a _criminal_?!"

"I'm sorry Edward. I know this is hard on you," Hughes sympathized, patting his shoulder.

Ed shrugged him off, "What's gotten into all of you?"

"Sir, there's a strong chance Edward could be in on it with him," Hawkeye told her superior.

Mustang nodded, "They're brothers. Makes sense."

"He ain't in on nothin'," Al denied. "He just my bitch."

Mustang's face darkened, "You sick, sorry excuse for a human being."

"To think you've been pimping out your own brother," Hawkeye nodded in agreement.

"Oh Edward, I'm sorry none of us realized!" Hughes cried, trying to hold the boy close. "All those years, Al's been forcing you into prostitution!"

"Prosti- _NO!_ You idiots, are you _blind_? Or have you just lost your brains?" Ed looked around at all of them, his eyes landing on Ana standing innocently off to the side and holding the cat. "_You!_ What did you do to them?"

"Me? Nothing. LeFay? Everything."

"Who's LeFay?" he demanded, bewildered.

Ana grinned knowingly and did her signature creepy laugh, "Heh, heh, heh…"

"Let me go, you bastards!" Al yelled, struggling against them, but he was no match when the rest of Mustang's staff stepped in. Together, they hauled him away.

"What just happened?" Ed asked, completely lost.

"It's an omake. Get used to it," Ana told him, walking away.

"A wha?" Ed asked, looking to Hughes. Hughes just shrugged and pranced after Ana. "Hey! Where are you guys going?"

Ana popped her head back into the room, "Well don't just stand there. We've gotta go post Al's bail."

Still hopelessly confused, Ed followed along.

Later, after they had posted Al's bail, Ana, Ed, and Al walked around Central on their way to the Hughes' residence. Somehow, Ana had managed to convince the soldiers to release the kitten into her custody. Everyone was taking it far too seriously, and Ed had stopped trying to keep up. He was comforted by the fact that all of this had to be some weird dream. It had to be. No way would his brother _ever_ sing vulgar songs like the one he was singing at the moment.

"Booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin everywhere!" Al sang, strutting along to the lyrics.

"Booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin everywhere!" Ana joined in the song. Even the kitten who was riding on Ana's shoulder like a parrot was nodding its head to the imaginary beat.

Suddenly, a giant vulture swooped down and picked the kitten up with its claws, flying away so fast that the three of them just stood there and stared in shock.

"…you got that on video, right?" Al asked Ana.

"Pfft, hell yeah!" she grinned as she held up her phone and they face bumped because fist bumping was so last year. But since Al was made of metal he ended up knocking her unconscious.

Al stared down at Ana for the span of three seconds. Then he swiftly opened his chest plate, stuff her body in, closed it back, cackled, "_My precious!_" and then ran down the sidewalk like a lizard on its hind legs.

Edward turned slowly to the nearest bench, crawled underneath it and into the fetal position, and hid there until things began to make more sense.


	7. Life Lesson 7

**Life Lesson #7**

**First Impressions Don't Mean Everything**

(-Ana-)

"Shotgun!" Ana exclaimed, booking it for the passenger's side of Hughes's car.

Edward gave her that look people had been given her all day when she said 'weird' things, "You're not getting a firearm."

Ana paused, her turn to be confused now. When she figured out that Amestrians must have different phrases, she snickered, "Oh my gosh Edward, it's a saying we have where I'm from. It means I call dibs on the front seat."

For some reason, Ed snorted at that, "That's stupid. What do you call the backseat? Magnum?" He and Al slid into the backseat of the vehicle and Hughes and Ana followed after in the front. No one protested Ana riding shotgun.

"No. The backseat is just the backseat."

"Why do you call it 'shotgun'?" Al asked politely, sounding genuinely curious.

"Beats me. We've got lots of sayings that no one knows where they come from," she shrugged, holding her bag in her lap as Hughes started the car and rolled out of the parking lot. She'd been without her bag all day, having deposited it in a janitor's closet by the front entrance earlier this morning. She found she stuck out a bit less without it. Plus, the strap had been bugging her. Luckily no one had stolen it. The brothers gave her odd looks when she retrieved it. Of course, Ed thought she was hiding weapons of mass destruction inside of it. He was highly disappointed when it revealed nothing but the extra set of clothes Martha had given her.

"Tell us more about yourself," Hughes suggested. Ana eyed him, knowing he wanted more information on her and hoping she'd slip something incriminating. Or maybe that was paranoia talking. "You know all about us. It's only fair we get to know you."

Ana snorted, "Fair doesn't exist. Edward and Alphonse are like the poster children for unfairness."

That was a mistake to say. The boys became depressingly quiet, staring out the windows and hiding their faces. Ana could feel the negativity rolling off them in waves. And what's worse, she had no idea how to make it go away.

Hughes cleared his throat and smiled broadly like nothing was wrong, "So, your family. You live with your mother and sister, the ones we saw in the picture?"

Three cheers for Hughes and his distraction methods.

"Yeah, and I live with my dad too. And my various pets. I've got two big dogs, and then a bunch of cats. You like cats, right Al?" she asked in her most peppy voice, attempting to bring them out of their gloom and doom mood.

Al glanced at her and it seemed he was coming out of his depression mode, "Cats? Oh, yeah!" He turned to Edward and nudged him gently with his elbow, "Did you hear that, Brother? She's got cats."

"Joy," he replied halfheartedly.

Ana swiveled in her seat to stare at Edward. She did nothing more, just stared. Eventually, he must have felt her unrelenting gaze because his eyes did a cursory glance around the car, then back to the window. Then he did a double take when he realized Ana staring at him.

"What?" he asked, partially annoyed but for the most part tired.

"We're going to sing a song," Ana decided, facing forward.

"Oh are we now," Hughes said, playing along.

"Mmhm, to lighten the mood." Now, Ana was no singer. In fact, she had been told many times how horrible she sounded. Despite that, even she could sing the song she had in mind. Taking a deep breath, she sung, "_If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!_"

No one made a move. She turned back around and stared pointedly at the boys who sat there, staring at Ana with no expressions whatsoever (duh, Al had no expression, but if he had a body there wouldn't be one at the moment). Impatience claimed Ana and she gave them a look that said, "Do it already or I'll cut you."

"_What_?" Ed grunted.

"I think she wants us to clap," Al told him.

Wow, it took two alchemists to figure out the _If You're Happy And You Know It_ song. How many would it take to figure out the _Hokey Pokey_?

Ed rolled his eyes, "No thanks. Sounds like a song for children."

Ana shook her head, "Edward, you can never be too old for some things. Now come on and feel the happy."

"No," he refused. "We're not playing your silly game."

_Clap_

Ed narrowed his eyes into thin golden slits, slowly turning his head towards Al who held his gauntlet hands together.

"Heheh, it sounds like fun?" Al tried.

The blonde grumbled and went back to watching the buildings pass by outside the window.

"_If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!_" Ana persisted, glaring at Ed.

And then Alphonse did the best thing ever. He reached over and grabbed Edward's wrists and clapped his hands for him.

"_Al_," Ed complained, wrenching himself from his brother's grip.

Al giggled and it was probably the cutest sound she ever heard, "You've got to learn how to have some fun."

"I _do_ have fun," Edward denied.

"Liar, liar, pants on fire," Ana said. Then she looked down at Ed's pants. "…is leather even flammable?"

"I don't know. _I've_ never been set on fire," he replied, no doubt rubbing it in Ana's face of the 'freak accident'.

Ana's mood darkened, "Remind me to return the favor to Father Roy the next time I see him."

Hughes's eyebrow quirked up, "The way you say it makes him sound like a priest."

A drawn out moment passed as the two of them looked at each other. Green met brown eyes in a moment complete understanding and the two promptly burst into fits of laughter.

"What's so funny?" Ed asked, speaking loudly over their merriment.

It took them several seconds to regain control of themselves, Hughes looking close to crying behind his glasses and Ana unable to stop grinning like a hyena.

Ana sent her smile to the boys in the backseat, "Looks like _someone _didn't imagine Roy Mustang as a priest."

Ed blinked and exchanged a look with Al. He turned again to Ana with furrowed brows, "That's stupid." But Ana caught the twitch in his cheek muscles and the way his eyes shone, so she waited. The longer she waited, the more the brothers thought about it and the more they must have visualized it because soon Ed was staring out the window, trying to ignore them all, his gloved palm pressed against his mouth as he leaned to the side, no doubt hiding a grin. A small giggle escaped from Al, making Ed close his eyes in a last ditch effort to keep his amusement at bay.

Seeing her opportunity, Ana spoke in her best gospel Roy Mustang voice (and yes, there was such a thing), "Children, say unto me your darkest sins or I shall set you on fire."

Ana hadn't gotten halfway through the sentence when the dam broke and floods of laughter came flowing out of them. Hughes also joined in a second time and Ana couldn't suppress a chuckle or two herself.

"Knowing Roy, he'd probably make the whole congregation wear mini-skirts," Hughes commented, his laughter dying down but his face alight with mirth.

"That's if the bastard didn't burn the whole place down first," Ed snickered.

Ana faked a gasp, "Edward, watch your fucking language."

"Look who's talking, hypocrite."

"That's the point, shorty."

Like a rubber band stretched too tight, Edward snapped. He lurched forward, fully intent on strangling Ana. Predictably, Alphonse stopped him before any harm could be done, which is the only reason Ana felt completely safe in mentioning the 's' word around the short-tempered (pun intended) alchemist. Ana may be fearless for the most part, but she wasn't keen on getting a metal fist to the face.

With no worries in the world (for the moment), Ana smiled and sang the last line of the verse, "_If you're happy and you know it and you really wanna show it, if you're happy and you know it clap your hands_- NOT YOU HUGHES!"

Hughes returned his hands to the steering wheel and righted the car into the proper path. "Sorry," he apologized, not looking very sincere.

Ana covered her face with her hands and moaned, "I'll be lucky to make it out of this world alive."

Shortly after, they arrived at Hughes's house. Ana noted with delight that everyone's spirits were lifted. Despite the few glares Ed threw at Ana, he too appeared to be out of depression territory. That meant her plan had worked perfectly. Heh…heh…heh… But seriously, the more she got along with them and gained their trust, the more they'd cooperate with her and the sooner she'd get home.

"Welcome to my humble abode," Hughes announced. Was it just her or did Hughes seem genuinely excited to have them over?

It made her feel nervous. This situation differed from the other times she'd met FMA characters (who were most definitely real _people_, something she kept reminding herself of). Winry, the Elric brothers, Mustang's crew, Hughes… She knew them enough to be comfortable, but Hughes's family she did not. She could only recall a couple of scenes of them, enough to know they were nice, like the stereotypical suburban family. Ana didn't know anything past that. What if she said something that offended them? What if they didn't like her? Sure, Ana never gave much thought to these areas, except this was Hughes's family who she would be staying at least tonight with and she wanted to make a good impression on them.

The anxiety hitting her out of nowhere, it was no surprise when she lacked the attention to step out of the car properly. Her foot caught on the swinging strap of her bag, tripping her. Arms flailed through the air in wild pinwheel motions and she had the severe misfortune of face planting into the front yard. Ana would have to tell Hughes later that his front yard did not taste very good.

Ed took one look at her and starting laughing his ass off. He must think this to be karma catching up to her for that short comment earlier. He felt it justified to stand there on the sidewalk and laugh at her misfortune.

What an asshole. At least the other guys had the decency to quickly ask if she was okay. Al made her feel marginally better when he glanced at Ed as if he were seriously considering gagging him. But nothing short of Edward's pain would satisfy her.

Blades of grass sticking to her face and hair, Ana glowered at the Fullmetal Alchemist from the ground for several moments. Then she picked up a nearby pebble and chunked it at his face.

"Ow! What the hell?" he growled after her accurate shot left a nice red mark on his forehead.

"Be thankful it wasn't Michelangelo." She would have smirked but she was in no mood for even that.

"…you mean that rock you had earlier?" Hughes asked, remembering how she had introduced him to Mustang's staff.

"And who keeps a rock in their pocket anyway?" Ed asked disgruntled, rubbing his head.

"It's not _just_ a rock. He's my _pet_ rock, Michelangelo." Speaking of Michelangelo, the way she fell with him in her jeans' pocket had not gone well for her hip. There would be a nasty bruise within the hour.

"Told you she's nuts," Ed confided to Al in a whisper, but Ed apparently didn't know the proper way to whisper because Ana heard every word.

Alphonse sighed and stepped away from his brother to offer Ana some help in standing, leaving Ed with a, "What'd I say?" expression. See, Edward was being mean and Al knew it.

"No thank you," Ana politely refused Al's hand, burying her head under her arms. "This is a bad sign. The spirits are trying to warn me. Just leave me out here on the curb like the sexy garbage I am."

"Oh, don't be such a sourpuss," Hughes told her good-naturedly. He reached down, entering her sacred bubble space, and hauled her up to her feet.

Ana frowned. No one was allowed in her sacred bubble space. Well, except Hughes and Alphonse maybe because they were awesome. Okay, so Hughes was off the hook. But if anyone else tried doing that, she would karate chop them in the balls.

He chuckled at her whilst picking bits of grass out of her hair, "Come on, Miss Grumpypants. Stop making a scene and let's go inside."

Ana huffed, "Not like I have a choice anyway."

"Sure you do! You have the choice to either walk in or be dragged in."

Ed's hand shot up, "I vote for the second one- Ow, Al!"

Al whistled innocently. How could someone without lips whistle? Then again, how does a suit of armor talk at all with no mouth or lungs or anything? The world may never know.

Ana smirked, "The joke's on you Edward, because I'd rather be dragged. Drag me baby!"

Hughes snorted, "Yeah, you're gonna fit in just fine around here." He nudged her forward and she complied, meaning they were finally approaching the house.

"I'm home! And I brought company!" Hughes announced loudly upon opening the front door.

"What's new?" a teasing reply came and a short haired woman came into the small hallway, drying her hands on a towel that she threw over her shoulder. This must be Gracia. Hm, she was prettier in person.

Hughes went to give her a chaste kiss and answered the next question she asked as to why he was home early, "Something came up and I found a few strays. Can we keep them?"

"We're not strays!" Ed growled, stomping his foot. "And we can take care of ourselves."

Gracia smiled at them, "Hello boys. It's nice to see you again. It's been ages since you've visited."

Al laughed and rubbed the back of his helmet, "Hi, Mrs. Hughes. It has been awhile since we were in Central, hasn't it?"

"Yeah," Ed gave a small, closed lip smile.

"We're happy to have you," Gracia assured them. Then she looked to her husband, brows furrowed slightly, "I thought you said a few strays, not just two."

"We're not strays! What is it with you people," Ed grumbled, his words going ignored.

Hughes grinned and gestured towards the rear of the group, "Yes, I'd like you to meet the third one, Ana Lo…pez…" He had turned around and, once he saw Ana, he faltered, his glasses slipping lower as he watched her.

They were all looking at her with that funny look again, like she was being weird.

Alright, she admitted that this must look weird, even creeper-ish, the way she stood outside and peeked around the doorframe with only her eyes and fingers on the frame visible, not saying a single thing.

"Uh, what are you doing?" Al asked for the rest of them.

In answer, Ana pointed past them. They followed the direction of her finger and found Elysia in the same creeper pose Ana stood in as she peeked around a doorframe. To tell the truth, the both of them had been having a silent stand off for at least half a minute, their gazes locked with each other's.

"Elysia!" Hughes sang, prancing over to his daughter and swooping her up. He twirled her around twice, hugging her to him. The pigtailed girl giggled as her father rubbed his bearded chin against her chubby cheeks.

"Honey," Hughes began, smiling at his daughter, "I want you to meet someone. This is Ana Lopez."

Ana took that as her cue to step in so she could meet them properly. She waved at them in a subdued manner. The guys noticed how quiet she'd become but didn't comment on it yet.

From her father's arms, Elysia seemed shy as most kids were when they met strangers. She waved back and needlessly informed Ana, "I'm Elysia. Are you a friend of Daddy's?"

Ana shrugged, hands tightening around the strap of the bag she wore, "I don't know. We just met today."

Elysia didn't know what to say to that, Ana's answer not leaning either way but somewhere in between. So she looked to her dad.

Hughes bounced her and grinned, "She's going to stay the night with us. It'll give us plenty of time to get to know each other better."

"Sounds like there's a good story behind how you fell in with this bunch," Gracia mused, causing Ed to snort.

"That's an understatement," he said.

Wonder what Gracia would say if Ana told her that they met over her nearly being burned alive.

"Why don't I go whip something up for dinner and then we'll chat. You kids hungry?"

"Starving," Ed grinned and there was something more to it, like he was more relaxed. It must be the homey atmosphere here. It eased Ana as well.

"When aren't you?" Al remarked.

"Hey, I'm a growing boy," Ed defended.

"Define growing," Hughes snickered.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MICROSCOPIC FLEA?!" Ed shouted at glass shattering levels, chasing after Hughes. The man ran away, Elysia riding around on his shoulders and giggling while Ed ran them in circles around the couch in the living room.

The five of them remained in the living room until Gracia rang the metaphorical dinner bell. They didn't do much, just sat around or played with Elysia. It surprised Ana how…ordinary it was. When you pictured going into an epic anime show, it didn't usually involve cozy sit downs and entertaining toddlers. You'd imagine action, adventure, explosions. In reality they were sitting on a sofa. Like a boss, but still sitting on a sofa.

Roused from her thoughts of normalcy, Ed asked Ana why she had been hiding earlier.

"I was kinda nervous meeting Hughes's family," she admitted, watching Al spin in circles with Elysia on his shoulders across the room. Hughes sat in the armchair next to the couch they were on and was obviously listening to them. Ana didn't mind.

Ed found that hard to believe, "You didn't look too nervous when you met us."

"I never said I was consistent!" she replied. "Besides, I want to make a good impression on his family, but I'm usually no good at first impressions. Things are screwed up enough in my life as it is and I just want one thing to go right for me. Is that too much to ask? Probably. Knowing me, I'm going to walk under a chandelier right as it falls." Then she considered that a moment and asked Hughes, "You guys don't have chandeliers in your house, do you?"

He chuckled, "No, we don't. You shouldn't be so pessimistic kid. You'll get gray hairs."

"I think I'd look fabulous with gray hair," she decided, patting her thick mane.

He shook his head with a fond smile, "Trust me when I say you don't have to worry. Gracia and Elysia will like you just fine."

Ana became thoughtful, eyeing the man, "You know, you're pretty comfortable letting a stranger into your house, one that you were seriously questioning a couple of hours ago."

"Who said I stopped questioning you?" he gave a small grin, one that Ana couldn't help but return. She liked how open he was about suspecting her.

"You're a smart guy, Daddy Hughes. And you're a really good man. I know ya'll are gonna be suspicious. Hell, I would be too."

"So you do realize how unbelievable your cover story sounds," Ed commented, leaning back on the couch with his hands behind his head. He was really not a fan of psychics.

"You know what else sounds unbelievable?" Ana asked, pinning him with her uncharacteristically somber gaze that took him aback. "Waking up in other worlds. Gloves that can produce fire with the snap of the fingers. Souls attached to suits of armor… Things that you never thought could be real but are." She glanced down at her feet, viewing the way her soles dug into the carpet. "A week ago…all of that was just fantasy to me."

It was quiet between the three of them, the only sounds in the room coming from Alphonse and Elysia as they laughed and played. The first few minutes from when this mess started replayed in Ana's mind, when she had awoken in the Arcadia mine. She recalled the disorientation, the darkness of those tunnels. But she still didn't know the truth then. Not until hours later when a map of the wrong world was thrust in her face, effectively crumbling the ground beneath her and letting her fall into a hole. She may have found her best chance at getting back home, but it felt like she was still falling.

_But I haven't hit the bottom yet_, she told herself. _This is enough to drive a person crazy. I made it this far, haven't I? I can handle this and then some. I'm not weak. I'll show them._

"I'll show you," she vowed to them. "I don't really care if you believe my story or not. But I will give you something to believe in." Suddenly, it wasn't just about her going home anymore. It was about _proving_ herself to those that doubted her. The brothers, Hughes, Mustang, they were small fry in the scheme of things. No, she would prove herself to life itself. Ana never played the role of pushover. She would take everything life threw at her and come out the victor.

Edward's expression shifted. It was like Ana had taken a step in the right direction and had managed to lay down the foundation of understanding, respect, belief, friendship, whatever you wanted to call it, a foundation where Ana could finally start building something for herself to crawl out of the hole she'd been constantly falling lower in. If she had her way she'd keep adding onto it, keep building it up, and she'd reach the top eventually.

Edward's golden eyes smoldered in a challenging way that screamed, "Bring it on."

And Ana would bring it.

* * *

(-Ana-)

After dinner, Ana officially labeled Edward as a dick. So much of a dick that they could construct monuments of his dickery. Ana was certain that she would murder him in a horrible fashion and gleefully roll around in his warm, wet blood.

…Maybe she should back up and explain.

They had gathered in the dining room, the table adorned with several plates of food that cried to Ana, "Eat me! Eat me!" She wasted no time in helping herself, not realizing that her behavior could be taken as rude. She hadn't even waited to thank them for their hospitality. But the Hughes's appeared used to it. One look at Edward told her why. He was digging in like a starving man as well. He must be a big eater as well. But could he put away as much as Ana could? CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

Gracia asked why Ana was hanging around with these stellar guys and while Ana was placing a corn on the cob on her plate (not regular corn; she had an undying hatred for those tiny, yellow squares for some reason), she answered, "I'm blackmailing Ed and Al out of the goodness of my heart."

"More like _evil_," Ed remarked with his mouth full. Rude.

"I'm your savior and your mine. So we're even," she replied in a, "Haha!" tone. Then she took a bite of her food…and then another…and then another.

Heaven…she was in flavorful heaven…

"Gracia's the best cook in all of Amestris, eh?" Hughes nudged her from her right, seeing her reaction to Gracia's glorious food.

Said woman smiled modestly from across the table, "I wouldn't go that far, Maes…"

Ana shook her head, "No, the man speaks truth." She took another bite and her shoulders slumped, "Mmmm, it's like an explosion of rainbows and unicorns and all that is good and holy within this world inside of my mouth. You guys can totally adopt me. Just saying."

They laughed. And she was being completely serious.

"Like you haven't already adopted Mustang's whole staff," Ed said sarcastically. "Against their will, I might add."

"They'll come to love me," Ana said solemnly. "We'll all be one messed up, retard family. There's Father Roy, Momma Riza, Havoc can be my bro, Falman can be the perfect child, Breda can be the awesome uncle, and Fuery can be my bestie."

"Bestie?" Elysia asked, not completely following the conversation but wanting to be included.

"Yeah! A bestie is another word for a best friend. Like me and Alphonse."

"We're…besties?" Alphonse asked, perplexed. Hadn't she made this clear earlier?

"Yes. Me and you are going to have a beautiful friendship; it's written in the stars. Not Edward though. He's like the anti-social rebel of the family."

If Alphonse could, he would be smiling the smuggest smile at Edward, "That fits you _perfectly_."

The blonde scowled, "Shut up, I'm social. You see this? I'm _socializing_." It must have been their strong bond because Ed could read the nonexistent expression Al conveyed to him that must have said, "Suuuure." Irritated, Ed turned to Ana, "What's a unicorn?"

"They're magical horses with horns on their foreheads that shoot rainbows out of their butt." Ed choked on a bite, unbeknownst to Ana who had spotted something more worthy of her attention, "Oh look! Mashed potatoes!" How had she not seen those? They would be hers!

She snatched the bowl, dug the spoon in to get a large serving, and lifted. In her haste Ana had used too much force, causing a spoonful of white mush to plop her in the face. It surprised her so much that she flailed, tipping the chair backwards to land on the floor.

For the second time since arriving at the Hughes residence, Edward laughed at her misery. He held onto the table with one hand, the other holding his stomach as he let rip laugh after laugh. Really, was it that funny? Hughes had a glint in his eyes like he thought so, but at least he had the decency not to laugh at her. The others seemed startled too by her sudden fall and were about to help her when Ana helped herself.

And you know what she did when she got to her feet? She scooped the big pile of potatoes off her face and smushed it against the mouth of the still laughing Edward. He desisted his cackling, coughing and slapping at his face. Served the bastard right.

"Ana." She spun around to see Gracia standing there, her hazel eyes serene. The woman must be accustomed to situations like this. "Come with me to the kitchen so I can get you something to wash off with."

Edward had wiped off the potatoes from his face and was about to say something to Ana, no doubt insulting, when Gracia leveled _the stare_ at him. You know the one, where a kid does or says something and their mom gives them _that look_ that promises a punishment worse than death. Needless to say, Ed shut his trap.

"Now Edward, that was rather insensitive of you. I think you should apologize to Ana," Gracia suggested. Well, more like ordered. Who knew Gracia had a dark side? Ana's respect for the woman shot up considerably.

Ed cleared his throat awkwardly, heeding her barely concealed warning, "Sorry, Ana."

Ana turned her back on him, not acknowledging his apology. There would be hell to pay for the young alchemist. Mark her words. Hughes wore a smirk, although Ana didn't know whether because of her giving Ed the cold shoulder or because his wife was an affective mother. Probably both.

Ana let herself be led into the kitchen. Gracia opened a drawer and grabbed a cloth, wetting it in the sink before handing it to the miserable girl.

"What's with the face?" Gracia asked.

Ana's pout deepened, "Nothing, just nursing my wounded pride." Things had blown up in her face, literally. It could only get worse from here, and look at what a bad impression she was already making. "This is a bad sign. I should just leave and go find a hole somewhere to rot in for eternity." She turned to go and make good on what she said but Gracia stopped her.

"Don't be silly," the sandy haired woman smiled and resisted the urge to laugh. "What makes you think this is a bad sign?"

She cocked an eyebrow, "You'd call that a good one? I can't even eat right. So much for making a good impression."

Gracia shook her head, gently taking the damp cloth from her hands to begin wiping her face. Ana let her without protest, too busy focusing on what she said. "You had a little accident. None of us are perfect. And there's no one here you need to worry about impressing. Just be yourself."

"Myself…" she considered, tilting her head absent-mindedly to allow Gracia to get the specks of white out of her bangs. Ana's expression darkened considerably, "If I am myself, I shall die in a horrible accident by the end of the night."

"Why do you say that?" she asked. Was it her, or did Gracia seemed entertained? What was it with Gracia and her husband being amused by everything she said? Better that than the attitude Ed gave her.

"Because life hates me," Ana deadpanned. She should really get that on a T-shirt or something. It had become her theme. "And I'm really clumsy and bad stuff happens around me."

Gracia smiled, "That's not so bad. I have my clumsy moments as well."

Ana eyed the woman up and down, "You? Really?"

"That so hard to believe?" Finished with erasing all traces of potatoes on Ana, Gracia tossed the cloth into the sink.

Ana tugged at her hair, figuring that she'd be fine until she could shower properly. Did she mention that she hadn't had a shower in days? Trains didn't have showers and she'd not had the time, nor the money to rent a motel room or anything like that to rest and wash up. It wasn't too bad, but another day without a shower would not be appreciated.

"That's how Maes and I met."

"Hm?" Ana looked at Gracia, having been pulled from her hygienic thoughts.

"My own clumsiness," she explained, a light in her eyes as she remembered. "It's how I met Maes."

Curiosity peaked, Ana asked, "How'd ya'll meet?" There'd been nothing on this subject in the anime, not that she had seen anyway.

"I was on my way to my parent's house where we were celebrating New Years. I was bringing dessert over, a pie, and was walking down the sidewalk when I stumbled and the pie went flying through the air and into a man's face."

Ana smirked, "And that was Daddy Hughes?"

Gracia's lips quirked up, "No actually, it was the man he was walking with. I believe you called him Father Roy earlier."

Ana gaped at her before dissolving into giggles. That mental image…nothing could be funnier. Nothing. "Oh my gosh, what'd he do? Was he mad?"

"Not at me. He was rather irritated that Maes couldn't control his laughter."

_I would be laughing too! I'd pay money to see that, _Ana thought as she giggled some more.

"I apologized to Roy profusely and he was exceptionally forgiving… To me, at least," she smiled wryly. "He became especially angry when Maes asked what kind of pie it was so that he may forever remember that moment whenever he ate it. We eventually introduced ourselves and Maes asked me what the pie was for. I told him and he offered to escort me to the nearest bakery so that he could get me a new one."

"He really did that?"

"Yes. He said it was the 'gentlemanly' thing to do."

"Aw, that's so romantic," Ana cooed.

Gracia laughed, "I suppose. But the moral of the story is that first impressions can go completely wrong and things can still work out fine."

"…I'm supposed to feel better about myself now, aren't I?"

"Mmhm."

"Well… I guess I do," Ana decided. A tiny bit better, enough to walk back out there and not feel awkward. Ana hated feeling awkward.

"Come on, dinner's getting cold," Gracia patted her shoulder and led her into the dining room.

The rest of the meal went relatively smoothly after that. Their table-talk could have flowed easier, but it was okay, especially with Edward being quiet for the most part. Didn't mean he wasn't a dick though. Ana would never forget the shame he brought upon her. Revenge would be sweet.

* * *

**This took longer than it should have. So many interruptions whenever I was writing. *sigh***

**Did it ever say how Gracia and Maes met? Maybe? No? Well too bad, this is now how I see them meeting. I originally had it where the pie hit Maes, but then Ana's like, "No, it should hit Roy." And that mental image...I couldn't resist it. I'm going to write a one-shot of this, where Gracia and Maes meet. I have to because there's more to the story that Gracia didn't tell Ana. ;)**

**Hope you guys liked the chapter. I'm trying to take things slow before we launch into the plot of the show, let the story move on a slow incline. I don't think we're too far off though until we get to see where in the timeline this takes place. Probably a couple chapters. And even then there will be a lot of original stuff thrown in because of Ana's presence in Amestris. Oh, the things we have planned for you guys...**

**Thanks for all of the lovely reviews/favs! Now enjoy this omake that's not really an omake. It's more of an insight into Ana's character. This is a message that she sent to me in the middle of the night, obviously sleep deprived. It's not even the full message because I feel the rest is too vulgar, which I know Ana's usually vulgar, but this is just...no, just no.**

* * *

**OMAKE: Ana's rant**

What the fuck.

Get me out of this damn house.

Please.

I beg you.

I just touched a fucking slug.

With. My. Foot.

Ew.

I should hack off my foot.

I really should.

Hey.

Now Winry can make me automail.

Hellz yeah.

Lemme try it.

Well. Shit.

I just tried to cut my foot off.

Didn't work.

I started to but pussied out.

Cause my ankle started bleeding.

Not badly though.

Just a small cut.

But the pain was enjoyable while it lasted.

* * *

**"Oh Ana, you're such a little sadistic masochist. I remember the time when-"**

**"I IS COOKIE MONSTER!" cried the raccoon. The fluffy girl let rip an ear splitting shriek of terror as the animal descended upon her and ripped into her body with claws and teeth. It engorged itself on her flesh and when it finally finished with its meal, there was nothing left of the poor girl but bones and blood splatters. The raccoon chuckled darkly and slunk back into the brush where it would await its next cookie.**


	8. Life Lesson 8

**Life Lesson #8**

**Humans Are Selfish Creatures**

(-Ana-)

A clanking noise invaded Ana's ears, the metal sounds far away and unimportant to her sleep addled mind. Her eyelids popped open for brief seconds, unable to remain open. Ana didn't know why they should be open in the first place. She should be sleeping, but her eyes wanted to look around for something…the weird sounds…

A large figure halted at the doorway. It took Ana several seconds to register this, due to her body's reluctance. When she did, the sleepy teen jolted awake, sitting straight up on the couch. The darkness in the room distorted the objects in the living room into long, obscure shadows that paralyzed her with fear for many heartbeats, the figure on the other side of the room only adding to her surprise.

Then Ana caught the shine of the armor and recalled the previous night.

Oh…right… She'd fallen asleep in the living room of the Hughes' house.

"Jesus, Alphonse, you scared me," Ana exhaled, slouching back into the cushion.

"I'm sorry," he apologized immediately. He tilted his head slightly, observing her, "Were you…sleeping down here?"

Ana started sweating, "Uh, who me? No, no of course not. I wouldn't dare think of sleeping on this beautiful couch. My body is not worthy."

"But…your eyes were closed," he said, uncertain about her behavior.

"Um, uh, I think we're missing the more important question, which is why _you're_ down here at," Ana squinted at the antique, wooden clock on the wall, using the minimal moonlight that streamed from the window, "…five in the morning." Oh God, why? Ana was an early riser, but _not before the sun_.

"I was going to watch the sunrise," he replied like it was the most normal thing in the world. Who takes the time to do that deep, poetic junk these day? Alphonse. It figured. It was kind of adorable and precious actually.

Al went to sit opposite of her on the loveseat, his metallic form covered in angled shadows from the moonlight streaming in behind him. Put that together with his red glowy eyes and he looked exceptionally creepy and cool.

Ana fidgeted nervously until he asked, "Why would you lie about sleeping on the couch?"

Ana sighed. He wasn't going to let it go. She might as well admit it and move on. Besides, she didn't like the idea of lying to Alphonse. It made something churn in her gut thinking about lying to someone as good as Al. "It's…really stupid."

"It's okay. You can tell me," Al assured her. He was so freaking nice, unlike his asshole of a brother. Most fangirls would be falling down to Edward's feet and swearing their undying love. If only they knew the cruel truth. Edward was just another pretty face. No, Ana would much rather hang out with Alphonse instead. He didn't laugh at her.

"Promise you won't laugh," she said, knowing that she didn't have to ask.

"I swear," he nodded, sounding so solemn with his childlike voice that it made Ana's lips twitch into a smile.

"I didn't want anyone to know I was sleeping on the couch because…I had this weird thought like maybe I wouldn't be allowed to and I didn't want anyone to get angry because this is strictly a sitting couch and no one's allowed to sleep on it and…yeah," she finished lamely. When she heard it out loud it really did sound stupid. But how was she to know the etiquette of staying at a 1914 person's house?

And then Al did the unspeakable. He started _laughing _at her.

"_Alphonse_," Ana gasped. "You promised me! You swore!"

Al's quiet giggles permeated the air like a wind chime, "I'm sorry! I'm not really laughing at you."

"Lies! You've betrayed me, Alphonse. We're no longer besties." And with that she ducked behind the couch pillow.

"Oh, Ana, I'm sorry! I really am!" he tried to console her, more earnest this time. "It's just that I wasn't expecting you to say that."

"You think I'm stupid," Ana moaned pitifully.

"No, no! I think it's sweet. You were being very considerate of Mr. and Mrs. Hughes, but I doubt they'd be upset with you sleeping on the couch."

Ana's head poked out from behind the pillow, "Sweet?"

"Yeah!"

"Aw, okay!" Ana smiled, Al's compliment making everything hunky-dory once more. "You know Alphonse, you're really adorable. If I could, I'd carry you around everywhere in my pocket."

"That's a good thing, right?" he asked, not sounding that averse to the idea. In fact, he seemed sort of bashful about the compliment.

"Yeppers," she nodded. Ana folded her legs under herself and clutched the pillow to her mid-section.

"Oh…" he trailed off, not looking at her. The boy was so shy it made Ana wanna hug 'em. Imagine if he were in his real body. It'd be cuteness overload. Not as cute as Ana, cause let's face it, she was the epitome of cuteness, but still pretty cute.

Silence reigned for several seconds. That would not do at all.

Luckily, Al felt the same need for conversation, "So, uh, are you going to tell me why you were sleeping down here? I thought Mrs. Hughes made you a bed in Elysia's room."

This was true. There was only one guest room in the house, currently occupied by the brothers. Needing a place for Ana to rest, Gracia showed her an odd pull out bed thing from underneath Elysia's bed. It was mostly a mattress on the pull out…whatchamacallit (shut up, it was too early in the morning to get technical). Turns out, there was no need for Gracia to set it up for her, since Ana didn't use it. She'd come downstairs after everyone else had gone to bed and had fallen asleep on the couch.

Ana shrugged, "I figured I'd traumatized Elysia enough for one day. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable."

The memories of yesterday came to her unbidden. Ana had played with Elysia, dressing up her dolls with her and goofing off. It wasn't so bad, until Ana managed to decapitate one of the defenseless dolls. Elysia burst into tears and Ana panicked, throwing the doll to Edward to fix and smacking his face in the process. He fixed it, if anything to stop the young child's tears. It didn't work out so much and Hughes had to come in there and cheer his daughter up and assure her that Ana didn't mean to murder her dolly. For the rest of the evening, Ana hid behind Alphonse's large suit of armor and sulked while Ed snickered at her, saying mockingly, "I thought you said you were good with kids."

"I'm a horrible person," Ana moaned again and face planted into the pillow in her lap.

"No! Don't be so hard on yourself," Al pleaded. "I know we haven't known each other long, but you seem like a nice person."

"No, I am a horrible person," she refuted plainly, like it was a fact from a textbook. "You're brother's not the first to call me evil."

"Ed's not exactly a saint himself," Al laughed a little. "And you agreed to help us, remember? You'll help to get our bodies back!"

"Um, I only said I'd help get _your_ body back, Al," she reminded him, to which Al was crestfallen. Ana sat up straighter, leaning forward as she rambled, "I mean, I would help Ed get his limbs back too! I'm not _that_ much of a heartless bitch. But I can't because I can't-" She broke that sentence off before she could say 'remember'. That'd be giving the boy the wrong impression and Ana had to keep up this psychic charade. "I can't… I can't see it, sorry."

"Isn't there a way for both of us to restore what we've lost? Please, there must be something," he nearly begged. It warmed Ana's heart at how unselfish Alphonse could be, looking out for his older brother like this.

"Whoa bro, I got lots of respect that you want to help Edward too, but I don't have all the answers to life. I don't know how," she admitted regretfully. Her older sister LeFay had surely told her at one time in one of her FMA rants, but Ana wasn't the most attentive person, and that mixed with the passing of time had all but diminished the memory to nothing. "There's probably a way. I just don't know it. You'll have to find out for yourselves."

Al took a long moment, as if collecting his thoughts about the matter. Then he nodded, "Thank you, Ana."

She blinked at him, appalled, "Why are you thanking me?"

"Because you're a good person," he said as if smiling and it irked her because it sounded like he had realized something she herself hadn't. And it annoyed her that he was thanking her and calling her a good person when she had done nothing for him and…and…something else was just pissing her off for some reason.

"Why do you say that? You're not the only one I'm helping, if that's what you're getting at. I'm helping myself mostly," her words rushed out, clipped and wary. "I'm using you."

"We're using each other," he corrected, like he wasn't that bothered by the thought. But it bothered Ana more than she could understand. "It's an equivalent exchange."

"And you're okay with that?" Ana wasn't sure why she was asking that. What, did she _want_ him to be upset about it?

Alphonse's suit of armor hid any reaction, but his voice sounded surprised, "I'm an alchemist. It's the rule I live by. Why wouldn't I be okay with it?"

If it were her, Ana wouldn't be okay with it. If she had lived in a sensory depriving suit of armor for years and somebody walked up to her and told her they'd return her to normal, but she'd have to wait for it, she'd punch them in the face because they were dangling it her face, because they were being selfish…

Holy shit…

That was it. That's what was pissing her off…

_Ana_ was being selfish. Here Alphonse sat in front of her, real as the clothes she wore or the pillow in her lap. Alphonse was real and his pain was real. He hadn't slept in years, had spent countless nights alone, had been forced to watch the people around him touch, and eat, and sleep, and breathe while he himself couldn't. And here Ana was, able to end his suffering but too selfish to do so. If she did, they'd go ahead and restore Al's body, meaning Ed would lose his alchemy and Al would be out of commission for months while he adjusted to his body. Then who would be able to send her home? They'd be unable to physically, plus their attention would be completely and understandably diverted. She couldn't let that happen.

Because she was entirely too selfish.

Ana had never been _that_ bad of a person, but… dear God, this was low.

She felt so disgusted with herself.

"I really am a horrible person," she breathed out, chuckling bitterly to herself.

"No! I'm okay with it, really!" Al rushed to cheer her up. "We'll find a way to send you back soon, and then we'll be able to restore my body like you said. It's just a little longer. I don't mind waiting, knowing that I'll be in my real body again soon. You've given me hope. That's why I thanked you." The way he looked at her, like she was giving him the gift of life, it physically pained her because she knew the truth.

"Don't give me that look, Alphonse," she said curtly, her guilt making her unable to look at him. She turned on the couch, laying down on the cushions with her back to the room and Al.

He didn't say anything, but the confused hurt he felt tinged the air. That pained her as well.

Great, now they were both perfectly unhappy. Ana hated being unhappy.

She sighed and announced, "I'm going to take a nap. Tell me a bedtime story."

"A…story?" he piped up, taken aback.

"Yeah, a story." Anything to get their minds off depressing topics.

"I…don't know any stories, I'm afraid," he admitted regretfully.

"It doesn't have to be stories you've heard. Just tell me something interesting you've done or seen. You and Ed travel a lot, right? You've got to have some good adventures to talk about."

"Oh, uh, let's see…," he searched for a story to tell her. Ana closed her eyes as she waited. "Okay, I've got one! Brother and I went to Aquroya awhile back and met this really interesting thief…"

Al told her the tale, explaining their many struggles in catching the lady alchemist known as Psiren. Ana vaguely recalled pieces of the story from the actual show, much of it new to her from the first-hand perspective Alphonse brought to the table. It was a welcome story and Ana dozed off sooner than expected.

* * *

(-Ana-)

Ana awoke over an hour later to a wondrous smell.

"Bacon," she gasped, sitting up in a flash.

Ana shed the blanket covering her (something that had _not_ been there when she fell asleep) and scurried to the kitchen. She poked her head around the corner, her nostrils flaring as she took in a big wiff. Alphonse stood at the stove, the sole occupant of the room. He had a spatula in hand.

Hunger driving her, Ana slid to Al's side, peeking around his bulky arm to see the succulent strips of a fat person's dream frying in a pan.

"Bacon?" Ana asked hopefully.

Al startled momentarily and glanced down at the ravenous girl, "Oh, good morning! Did you sleep well?"

"Bacon," she repeated.

He laughed, "You're hungry I take it?"

"Bacon. Why you cook bacon?" Not that Ana minded, as long as she got bacon. It just seemed strange that he would be cooking instead of Gracia.

"Mrs. Hughes went upstairs to wake up Elysia. She asked me to watch the food."

Well that solved her curiosity. Time to let her sole focus be her next meal.

"Bacon," she sighed, gazing longingly at the sizzling pork.

"You must really like bacon," he commented, to which she nodded enthusiastically.

Ana's attention to the bacon was so great, she almost failed to notice when Edward shuffled into the room. Blonde hair was in its customary braid and he wore his clothes for the day, save for his red coat. Despite his ready appearance, his face dragged down in early morning tiredness. His jaw dropped in a gigantic yawn as he grabbed a glass to get a cup of water while ignoring everything else until his brain woke up. Ana eyed him carefully, skirting around Alphonse to put the suit of armor in between her and his brother. Ana was in a good mood with the promise of bacon. She didn't want Ed bringing her down.

Al looked from Ed to Ana, spotting her blatant avoidance. He leaned down and whispered to her, "I know you and Brother got off on the wrong foot but try to give him a chance. I talked to him last night and he promised he'd give his best effort to get along."

That made Ana pause. They had talked about her? And Al wanted them to get along? She would have chalked it up to Al not wanting Ed to blow their chances of getting his body back, but that wasn't like him. He really was a nice person who just wanted everyone to get along. Sure, there's no way he believed Ana about her psychic cover, and some of the things she said made him uncomfortable. However, he was willing to make the most of it.

Edward had shamed her. Under other circumstances, there would be no mercy. Then again, she owed that much to Alphonse. After her realization early that morning, a soft spot had dug its way into her for the metal boy. She'd probably do a lot of things he asked of her. Not because she felt guilty about not telling him the secret of regaining his body, but because she liked him. He was just one of those people you could instantly like. Ana hadn't been lying when she said that they could be good friends.

Ana wrinkled her nose in distaste, "Okay, just because you asked nicely. But if he's mean to me then all bets are off." What she left unsaid was that she'd still have to get back at him later. A well-staged prank would suffice. Wait, cutting off someone's foot was considered a prank, right?

Satisfied, Al turned back to the skillet and began to flip the bacon.

"What are you guys whispering about over there?" Ed asked, having set aside his glass to stare at them suspiciously. More alert than she gave him credit for then.

"Bacon," Ana answered smoothly.

He cocked a golden eyebrow, "Sounded fishy to me."

"Edward, can you not simply enjoy these wonderful fumes that are wafting in your nostrils?" she asked, pretending to be annoyed. She took a step to the side and gestured between herself and Al, "Come over here and observe the bacon in all of its bacony glory."

Ed's expression didn't change. He exchanged a questioning look with Al who shrugged, "She has a deep love for bacon."

Ana nodded seriously, for bacon was a serious subject.

Maybe the talk Al had given him last night influenced him. Maybe it was curiosity or suspicion. Whatever it was, Edward decided to play along and joined them at the stove. He looked down upon the bacon, staring at it as if waiting for something to happen.

_Sizzle. Pop._

"Isn't it beautiful?" Ana asked him, nearly drooling at the bacon as Al took the pieces out and replaced them with more strips that immediately began cooking in the heat of the pan.

"It's bacon," Ed deadpanned. "…smells good though."

"It'd smell better in my stomach."

Ed looked at her like she was stupid, "That makes no sense."

"Then watch the bacon some more. Everything will soon become clear."

And so they watched the bacon some more.

And that's how Hughes found them.

He'd been whistling as he entered the room, the jovial tune dying as he spotted them cluttered around the stove. He froze near the doorway, looking at them as if they were strange and asked, "What are you guys doing?"

Ed glanced up at him and gave him a blank look, "We're observing bacon in all of its bacony glory."

Hughes blinked at them, "Is this a new thing kids are doing? I don't get it…"

"Then watch the bacon. Everything will soon become clear," Ed repeated Ana's words in the most serious voice. Ana nearly burst into laughter. No, she had to keep a straight face. Keep a straight face, keep a straight face…

"I'm gonna…come back later," Hughes said and eased himself out of the room.

Ed turned to Ana accusingly, "See, this is weird."

"I know!" she grinned happily.

Eventually, Gracia returned with her daughter in tow. She thanked Al for watching over the food and said she could take over from there. The four youngsters sat at the table and chit chatted until Hughes reentered the kitchen, visible from the open doorway that led to where they sat in the dining room. He joined Gracia in preparing breakfast, giving Ana, Ed, and Al that look that said, "I've got my eye on you." Ana just smiled and waved like a dork.

Soon, they were talking about random things: how Elysia was going to see a friend today, how the brothers planned to do some research in the library for Ana (which was news to her but she was down for that), how the plate on the table was having an affair with the spoon, unbeknownst to the pepper shaker. Ana wasn't sure how _that_ started, but she found herself telling a dramatic tale about the inanimate objects that littered the table. Al was adamant that Mrs. Plate had too much love in her heart for one. Ana denied this and said Mrs. Plate was just a hoe. Ed claimed they were idiots, but said if the situation was applied to real life circumstances, then Mrs. Plate should have divorced Mr. Pepper in the first place if she loved someone else instead of cheating on him. Elysia settled for watching them go back and forth on the matter as she made a bow for the plate with her napkin, or tried to anyway.

"But she loved both of them. That was the problem," Al told Ed, totally invested on defending Mrs. Plate.

"Sounds like she should make up her mind instead of stringing these guys along," Ed said, fiddling with the pepper shaker.

"Oh, she did in the end," Ana told him.

"That couldn't have ended well," Ed predicted, waiting for Ana to finish the story.

"Well you see, Mr. Pepper got the short end of the stick because the dish ran away with the spoon…heh…heh…heh…"

Edward was not amused. Alphonse sympathized with Mr. Pepper. Ana sympathized with-

"Bacon!" Ana sat straight up, staring at the doorway to the kitchen like a hawk. She could smell those juicy strips of wonder coming closer, and sure enough Hughes and his wife appeared carrying large plates of food and _bacon_.

"You all aren't going to just stare at the bacon, are you?" Hughes asked, setting down the plates.

"Pssh, I'm gonna eat it!" Ana declared, snatching a piece of bacon and huddling in her chair to nibble on it like a squirrel, something she did with food she really liked.

"Can you not eat normally?" Ed asked.

"Being normal is boring, Edward. Embrace my weirdness."

He went to say something but Ana shoved a piece of bacon in his mouth.

"Shhh, don't speak. Just taste the yumminess of the bacon," Ana commanded.

Ed might have made a snarky reply, but a look from Alphonse stopped him, one that clearly said, "Get along." He grumpily chewed the bacon and Ana smirked in victory, then returned to eating the bacon. She was pleased when Elysia began copying her eating style, to which Hughes practically threw down his utensils and ran for his camera to capture 'this moment of pure adorableness'.

Breakfast went better than dinner had last night. There were some awkward pauses, and Elysia didn't know what to make of Ana and appeared nervous about talking to her, but it went okay. It felt like Ana had stayed the night at a new friend's house. Again, the feeling of normalcy struck her as odd.

When they had finished their meal, Hughes offered to give them a lift to the library. They accepted and were going to get their stuff when Gracia slipped in an offer for the three of them to stay at their house while they were in Central. Ed made it clear that they didn't know how long they were staying in Central, but neither Hughes nor Gracia seemed to mind. In the end, it was decided they would stay there. Ana, however, had come to a different decision completely unrelated.

"Edward, I have decided something," she said in a firm voice as they were leaving the dining room.

Ed looked over his shoulder as he shrugged on his coat, "And what would that be?"

"No more drama. I get enough of that at home. We agreed to help each other and that's what we're gonna do. That being said, you will be my friend."

Ed faltered, too shocked by her declaration to put his other arm in a sleeve. He stood there with his coat swaying behind him, staring at her, "You forget I have a say in that decision."

"No, no you don't Edward. We're going to stop bitching at each other and we will be friends. It's that simple. Now give me a hug."

"A- a what?!" he stuttered, bewildered. Hughes had already gone outside to start the car, but Alphonse was here to witness the show. He didn't say anything, choosing to watch from afar. Ana wondered what he thought of this display.

"A hug, Edward. It is a form of social interaction where two people-"

"_I know what a hug is_!" he screeched. "The question is why you _want_ to hug me."

Ana spread her arms wide, "It is the hug of friendship! Now hug me, Edward."

"I don't want to partake in your 'hug of friendship'," he said, going back to putting his coat on. He turned around, giving his back to her. His first mistake.

Ana let rip a battle cry and launched herself at Ed to envelope him with open arms. Ed let out a mix between a scream and a squeak. They fell to the floor with Ana lying on his back, her arms wrapped securely around Ed's shoulders.

"Get off me!" Ed shouted, bucking like a raging bull to break free and throw her off.

"I gave you a choice, Edward! You brought this on yourself!"

"The hell I did! Now get off of me! You're heavy!"

"Not until you accept my friendship!"

"Forget that!" he growled, one of his arms breaking free. He began pulling himself across the floor towards the front door. "Al! Don't just stand there! Get this maniac off me!"

"No, Al! If you're my friend then you should convince Edward to accept my friendship!"

Al fidgeted nervously, "Mr. Hughes is waiting for us. We should go." Then he escaped to the great outdoors.

"Alphonse!" Ed and Ana yelled simultaneously.

The fight in Edward left with Alphonse. Ed went limp and sulked, "Abandoned…by my own brother…"

They fell silent, laying in the entryway. No one else remained in the house but them, Gracia having left right before them to walk down the street to take Elysia to her friend's house. It was so quiet that Ana could hear the clock in the living room ticking a steady rhythm.

"Hey Ed?" Ana said, resting her chin in the middle of his shoulder blades.

"What?" he moaned morosely.

"…I'm sorry."

Ed's head twisted to the side, his cheek resting against the wooden floor. Ana couldn't see his face, his bangs blocking her view. That didn't mean he wasn't listening.

Her voice lowered to match the ambience of the room, "I think I get it. Why you're angry at me… It's got to be frustrating, having someone wave in your face the thing you've been looking for, for years at that, but then tell you that you have to wait for it. That's such a douche move."

"…then why won't you tell me?"

The disgust towards herself reared its ugly head and Ana frowned, "Because I'm selfish. I want to help you guys but I can't until ya'll find a way for me to get back home."

"If you really do know something… If you told me how to get Al's body back, I _swear _to you that I would do everything I could to return you home. You have my word on that. You may not believe me-"

"Oh, I believe you one hundred percent, Edward," she smiled. "That's not the problem."

"Then why…?"

"I've got my own selfish reasons. I've got to get home as soon as possible. I really am sorry about that. But for the meantime, there's no reason why we can't be friends. If you can pull out the stick that's been shoved up your ass, that is. Whaddya say?"

"Why do you want to be friends?" he asked like he was trying to figure her out.

"To be honest, I've been wondering the same thing. And I think I just realized why… It's because I'm alone for the first time in my life…and that scares me."

"…"

"You guys coming or what?!" Hughes yelled from outside.

Ana's mood did a 180 and she bounced to her feet with a grin, "I call shotgun!" She hopped over Ed's surprised form and skipped outside.

It didn't matter that she was in an alternate world feeling selfish and guilty about people who shouldn't exist. Today would be a good day. Ana was determined to make it so.

* * *

(-Ana-)

"Bye-bye! And say 'hi' to Father Roy for me!" Ana called to Hughes as her and the boys exited the vehicle. Hughes grinned at them and drove away.

They were at the National Library, a building that was unsurprisingly enormous. Not nearly as large and daunting as Central Headquarters, but hefty in its own right.

_Do all the important buildings around here eat steroids? Good God!_

"This is a military operated place, right? Are you sure I'm allowed in here?" Ana asked them as she ascended the stairs. Not that it mattered. She'd sneak in if she had to because fuck the rules.

"I'm not military and I come here with brother all the time," Al explained.

"Well, of course they wouldn't say anything about you, Alphonse. Who in their right mind would tell a seven foot suit of armor 'no'? Someone with a death wish."

Al hunched in over himself, poking his forefingers together, "You make it sound like I'd hurt people."

"Oh, I didn't mean it like that!" Ana assured him, patting his arm. "People who don't know you are scared of you! Doesn't mean you're gonna beat them up. They just think you will!"

"Somehow that doesn't make me feel any better," he admitted sullenly.

"Just stick with me and you'll be fine," Ed mentioned, leading the way inside. He'd been reserved during the ride over. Something Ana had said must be weighing on his mind. Good. Let it stew in his mind what Ana was up to, what her angle was. The joke was on him; she had no angle. She just wanted to be buddies with them until she could get home. Alphonse would be her bestie and Edward would be that one friend that you have that you hate and like to argue with when you're in the mood.

The trio entered the sanctuary of books. It was undoubtedly the largest library Ana had ever set foot in, as well as the most populated. Lots of foot traffic went up and down the aisles, many of them wearing the blue uniforms of military personnel. Ana wasn't the biggest reader, but the sight of that many books had her in awe. She wanted to go poke around and check out some of them, see if 1914 people came up with any good stories, but every time she went to wander off Edward would grab her arm or her collar and drag her back in the right direction.

"We've got work to do and blah blah blah. There's no time to blah blah blah. And blah bleh blah blaaah," Edward spoke as if Ana was actually listening. The moron, did he not see that she needed to explore and snoop?

He did have a point though… They were there for her and she wanted to get home as soon as possible…

Damn it.

Ana trudged along behind the brothers resigned to her fate. They began browsing through various texts, mostly for ones that had any connection to the gate (which weren't that many). The boys asked her several questions. No, she didn't remember seeing the gate but it was her best theory that their worlds were connected by it. No, she hadn't seen the truth or given anything in exchange for the trip over. Yes, she was sure that alchemy didn't work in her world (as far as she knew). No, there weren't any unusual transmutation circles where she awoke in Arcadia or any at all (even with how dark the tunnel was, she looked around and would have remembered seeing that). No, she had never heard of anything like this happening in her world, to which they answered the same for their world but would look into it and see if there was any information. No, Ana couldn't carry those books; Edward could carry his own damn books. No, she didn't have a problem with Edward; she had a rare condition of chronic laziness. Yes Alphonse, she would behave and stop irritating Edward, but it was so much fun.

By the time they secured a table for their research, Ana was bored, Edward was peeved, and Alphonse was sigh, and yes, sigh is now an emotion. At any rate, it's what Alphonse had been doing since they entered the building.

"If your theory's correct and your world exists on the other side, then we'd have to find a way to send you safely through the gate," Edward said, flopping down into a wooden chair at the now cluttered table.

"Is it possible?" Ana asked, sitting down beside Alphonse.

Al nodded, "You're here. That proves it's possible. The problem is finding out how to access the gate without performing human transmutation and then sending you through without exchanging anything vital."

Ana frowned at the way he phrased it, "But I didn't exchange anything, vital or otherwise."

"That you know of," Ed said, skimming through a couple of books.

Ana gave him that, "Are you stupid?" look, "Edward, have you seen me? Does it look like I have anything missing?"

"Oh, I could answer that in a lot of ways," he narrowed his eyes, hinting at insults. "But to answer your question, you yourself don't have to be the one to make the exchange. As long as there's compensation, it doesn't matter where it came from."

Ana deflated at that new piece of info to mull over, "Huh… If that's true…and something was paid, then how much of a toll do you think has to be paid?"

He shrugged, "It's nothing but speculation at the moment. It could be nothing, it could be more than you can afford. We'll have to find out." His shoulders sagged, "_If_ there's anything to find."

"It's not a common situation," Alphonse agreed.

"That's the understatement of the year."

They might need to use a Philosopher's Stone, if they could get their hands on one that is. Ana would have shared her hypothesis if it wasn't for the fact her deal with the brother's would become a moot point if this were true. If they had to find a stone, then what did they need Ana for? That's what they'd been looking for long before Ana dropped into their lives, and she couldn't help them with that more than telling them the secret ingredient to make one or telling them that Marcoh knew how to make one, and if they knew what went into making one they probably wouldn't want to use it for anything, which was stupid. She understood the whole issue of morals, but the people sacrificed to make a stone couldn't be brought back. If you found a stone and used it to better lives then what was the harm of using one? Ana had no issues with it. But where the hell would they find a stone? Eh, that's if they needed one. Too much thought going into a single possibility. Why was she still thinking about this? Moving on!

The boys glanced up at Ana when she hopped up, planning to browse the nearby shelves of novels.

"Hey, where are you going?" Ed called after her, sounding like he was about to get up and haul her back to her seat like a good little captive.

Ana turned to him, and with a flourish of her hands, declared, "I'm running away!"

Edward was not phased in the slightest, "Uh-huh, because you would go to the trouble of finding us and convincing us to agree to help you despite your outrageous story only to leave before anything came of it."

"Sounds about right," Ana nodded with a grin. "Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to see if this library has anything good to read."

"Or you could help us out. We're here for you anyway," Ed pointed out moodily.

"But Brother, she's not an alchemist. She wouldn't understand most of the material we're reading."

Ana clapped her hands, "That's right, Alphonse! I wouldn't be able to help you guys. And I'm bored so I'm gonna go find a book to read." What sort of reading material did they have in 1914? Guess she would find out.

There was no reason for Ed to deny her. He gave in, "Fine, but stay where we can see you."

"Yes, Mumzy."

Ana hunted through the bookshelves, seriously considering sneaking away to the other half of the library to piss Ed off. The idea slipped away after the first few minutes as the books overtook her attention. The area they were in stored a high amount of nonfiction and alchemy related textbooks, both of which were not in her interest. Why learn about the history of a foreign world she would be leaving soon? And alchemy was a big fat _hell no_. Alchemy was basically like chemistry and magic put together with heavy emphasis on the chemistry part. Ana had begun her freshman year of high school prior to coming here and had not taken chemistry yet. The science classes she _had_ taken were enough to make her realize her aptitude for science was shit. And math. And chemistry had math in it too, right? Same for alchemy too, no doubt. Screw these textbooks. On to the fiction aisles!

She eventually found a fantasy section and was not surprised to find many of the books royally sucked and did not fit her tastes. And then there were others that were weird as fuck. Who would want to read _The Sludge That Killed_? Sounded extremely lame, and _The Dawn of Ducks_ didn't sound promising either. Was that supposed to be like Duck Dynasty or something? Whatever.

Several minutes later, Ana found a book that didn't look horrendously bad and took it with her to the table. Ed didn't bother to look away from his books. Al inclined his head towards her to read the title of the book she held, saying with interest, "_In The Nick of Time_?"

Ana shrugged, "It's about a guy who becomes a Time Lord or something. You read that many fantasy books?"

"Yeah! We travel a lot, and since I don't sleep I have a lot of time on my hands to read. I've never read that one though."

Huh. Ana had assumed they'd read nothing but alchemy related books. She didn't consider that they'd have other interests. Well, Alphonse anyway. What about Ed?

"What about you, Edward?" she turned to the blonde.

He tore his gaze away from the page he was reading, "What about me?"

"Do you read fantasy books? Or do you like something else? I don't peg you as the supernatural type. Mystery?"

Ed blinked at her, his mouth partially open as if he were surprised she was showing genuine interest in what he liked, "I, uh…adventure is good I suppose. One with lots of action."

"Hmmmm, oh! Then you should read this book I read not too long…ago. Damn it! I'm an idiot!" She banged her head against the table, startling them.

"What? Why?" Al asked worriedly.

Ana's voice came out muffled and whiny, "Because I can't recommend a book if it's in a whole different world. This sucks ass. Ass I tell you!"

The guys were quiet, forcing Ana to peek at them. They were looking at her like they were worried she was going to start bawling from being homesick.

"Uh, that's okay! That means _we'll_ just have to recommend some books to _you_. Right, Al?" Ed asked with fake cheer, scratching his cheek awkwardly.

"Yeah! We know lots of good books," Al nodded vigorously.

Oh God, they really were afraid she was going to start crying if _Edward_ was trying to cheer her up. He didn't even like her, and here he was being his non-dick self. Maybe underneath his asshole exterior, Edward was a really nice guy.

And maybe Roy Mustang was secretly a woman.

"Hmmmm…okay!" she chirped, picking up her book and flipping to the first page.

Ed and Al fell over sideways.

"That's it?" Ed asked, flabbergasted.

"Yeppers," she said without looking up. Jeezum, what did these guys expect? For her to break down over every little thing? The women around here must be the stereotypical emotional type. Pfft, as if Ana were that weak. They would learn that she was a tough cookie.

Mmmm…cookies…

"That was fast," Ed muttered to Alphonse in what he thought was a whisper. Ana didn't think he knew how to properly whisper.

Al pretend whispered back to him, obviously talking about her, but Ana tuned them out. She had a book to read!

The morning dragged on. The brothers studiously researched while Ana read her novel. To be honest, the book was utterly boring at the beginning and she was considering tossing it in the trashcan for the garbage it was. And then she reached the fifth chapter and the plot drastically picked up. What began as a cliché sob story about the main character, Nick, being a sad little orphan had turned into a movie-worthy plot filled with twists that left Ana's eyes glued to the page.

The three didn't talk to each other for the rest of their time there, except whenever Ed and Al deliberated on this circle or that transmutic reaction or when they asked Ana a quick question that she easily answered yes or no to, but that was business. Hours passed accompanied by the sounds of turning pages and scribbling on paper. The usual silence between them was…comfortable. Ana could have gone longer that way, sitting there reading her book, had Ed's stomach not grumbled like an angry bear.

Al and Ana looked to Ed and he scratched his head.

"We've been at this for a while. We should take a break," Al suggested.

"It's been longer than a while," Ana noted, seeing the deep orange that came with dusk filtering through the high windows. "We missed lunch."

"Let's head out then," Ed decided, standing up with a stretch.

"Are we coming back tomorrow?" Ana asked, wanting to know if she'd have a chance to finish her book and how long it'd take for them to find any answers to Ana's problem.

"Yeah. We didn't find much today. The thing you've got to realize about researching is that it could take a long time of searching through loads useless material before you come across the helpful bits."

"But it's only a matter of time! There's got to be something to find," Al told her, trying to keep her optimistic.

Ana shrugged, "I'll take your word for it." She didn't want to think about it that much. They'd find something, eventually. And then Ana would be home and this world would become a dream.

* * *

**Hellos my furry friends! Man am I glad to be done with this chapter. There will be one more chapter after this and _then_ we will progress into the FMA plot. I'm super excited because Ana's going to bring so much originality to the table. WHEEEE**

**This chapter was almost titled: Bacon Brings People Together. It's so true, but not quite the theme I was going for. It sometimes hard to come up with the life lesson titles. Definitely different than naming regular chapters.**

**Remember how Al told Ana he had a talk with Ed the previous night? I was going to include that, have it start off the chapter there from Al's PoV, but I didn't see it as _that_ necessary. I feel like the story may be dragging a bit, or maybe I'm just too excited to get to the FMA plot. At any rate, I'm trying to cut down on scenes I don't particularly need, but it's hard because I have so many ideas that spring up! What do you guys think? How am I pacing the story so far?**

**So, this must be the first OC story where Elysia didn't like the OC right off the bat. Anyone notice?**

**The book Ana was reading, _In The Nick of Time, _I totally stole that from my dad. It was a book idea of his. Did I ever mention that my parents both have the writing spirit?**

**Last thing, I'm going to be starting my sophomore year of college this week. I'm also seriously thinking about starting on Reprieve again. For all my readers who've been waiting patiently for that, thank you, but it might be awhile longer before I begin on the new chapter. I've got to go back and rewrite some scenes first (dear God, I hate rewriting, but I have too) before I start on the actual chapter. With classes starting and having to rewrite some things, it could be a little longer before the new chapter.**

**Later!**


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